How to relate to MIL who lives in ivory tower

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I understand where OP is coming from. Kinda.

My MIL is similar. Elderly, lovely lady, friendly and kind but sometimes has no clue. She stopped working after DH was born (he's the eldest of 3). FIL had a successful career and his earnings enabled MIL to stay at home and for all 3 children to go to expensive private schools.
The family also had a housekeeper.

I love MIL but she sometimes says things that make me raise my eyebrows. Like working at Subway is an 'awful' job. OK it may not be a job that I would apply for given that I have other options, but I don't think it's awful. I can think of many other jobs that are a lot harder.

It's not that the job is hard, it's a low paying menial job. MIL likely has higher hopes for her family members. You would never do the job, you just don't say it out loud.

True. None of us actually work at Subway or similar but when she said it I felt it came across as a bit patronizing, especially given that she had enjoyed a privileged lifestyle most of her married life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I understand where OP is coming from. Kinda.

My MIL is similar. Elderly, lovely lady, friendly and kind but sometimes has no clue. She stopped working after DH was born (he's the eldest of 3). FIL had a successful career and his earnings enabled MIL to stay at home and for all 3 children to go to expensive private schools.
The family also had a housekeeper.

I love MIL but she sometimes says things that make me raise my eyebrows. Like working at Subway is an 'awful' job. OK it may not be a job that I would apply for given that I have other options, but I don't think it's awful. I can think of many other jobs that are a lot harder.[/quote

So are you saying MIL can't have her own opinion? If you said I think being a maid is terrible and she said "I don't think it is THAT bad. You would come on her saying MIL isn't allowing you to express your opinion. Opinions are are subjective. So, just because you don't think it is awful that doesn't make MIL wrong.

Hard may also relate to how she might think she wouldn't want to make sandwiches for people. Perhaps that is what she hated the most about being a mom...preparing school lunches, dinner etc. For me, being a barista at Starbucks would be "hard" because I would get flustered with all the different orders. But, to some people it would be easy peasy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I understand where OP is coming from. Kinda.

My MIL is similar. Elderly, lovely lady, friendly and kind but sometimes has no clue. She stopped working after DH was born (he's the eldest of 3). FIL had a successful career and his earnings enabled MIL to stay at home and for all 3 children to go to expensive private schools.
The family also had a housekeeper.

I love MIL but she sometimes says things that make me raise my eyebrows. Like working at Subway is an 'awful' job. OK it may not be a job that I would apply for given that I have other options, but I don't think it's awful. I can think of many other jobs that are a lot harder.

It's not that the job is hard, it's a low paying menial job. MIL likely has higher hopes for her family members. You would never do the job, you just don't say it out loud.

True. None of us actually work at Subway or similar but when she said it I felt it came across as a bit patronizing, especially given that she had enjoyed a privileged lifestyle most of her married life.

She's just saying what you're thinking but out loud. She's old and doesn't have a filter. It's just as patronizing feeling sorry for those poor people who have to work there. Likely many of them are franchise owners and it's a family business and they aren't as worthy of your sympathy as you think anyway.

[Anonymous]

I went to lunch with my mom and our (excellent) waitress was a lady in her seventies. My mother felt sorry for her having to work so hard at her age and I said "Yes, you're very lucky things didn't work out that way for you and you can enjoy these years." And she said luck had nothing to do with it, I chose a man who was a good provider. As if that poor lady might not have done the same....

[Anonymous]

Based on your use of “ivory tower,” I thought your MIL is an academic.

I don’t understand what the issue is.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand the issue, OP. Why do you need to convince your MIL of anything? Just discard what she’s saying if you don’t agree.

[Anonymous]

Why do you need to convince her of anything? Also, all the "trials" you describe are normal parts of being an adult. A kid who needs extra help with reading? If that's your kids biggest problem, you are the one living in an ivory tower.

[Anonymous]

I don't think I could resist saying, "Well Janet, if Bob Jr. earned as much as Bob Sr. did, I could stay home too."