Less gender identity-focused private school recommendation for a non-religious family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, if you are still reading, I wanted to let you know that I understand where you are coming from.
We are not Catholic but are sending our child to a school similar to the schools below (We just moved from MD to a different state)
Brookewood (girls)
The Heights (boys)

Pros: Strong academic focus, school views parents as primary/integral partners, no gender-identity curriculum
Cons: It’s a big change for me. Most of the other families are large, Catholic, and skew quite conservative. We are not religious, have a single child and are more politically center. (I typically vote democrat and yes, listen to NPR.) So I am different, and I feel that difference, but at the same time, I still really like the school.

There are a handful of non-Catholic families at our school. Daily mass and the religion classes are not required. It is a religious environment though and we are respectful of that. Good luck!

Yikes, I'm not familiar with Brookewood but The Heights is really conservative, even for some Catholic families. There are many Catholic schools that aren't Opus Dei where a non-Catholic family would feel more comfortable. My daughter's Arlington Diocesan high school is at least 20% non-Catholic, maybe more now. But if you want 100% non-religious, I don't think any Catholic school would be the right fit, conservative or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's been interesting to watch how in the past five years or so (starting with Trump's Presidency) it has become impossible to question certain core tenets of the left. These sacred topics would be deeply strange to a progressive in 2010 if she could fast-forward to today. They are, in no particular order: masking in public places; positions on trans issues; anti-racism / race essentialism; and complete blind trust in certain media and government organizations (and hatred of others). I think I understand why this happened; there was (correctly) a deep fear of what Trump might do to America. In response, the only moral thing to do was to completely and totally embrace "the resistance." This meant subscribing to the Post (Democracy Dies in Darkness), supporting "the science" during the pandemic (meaning the people running NIH and CDC who didn't like Trump), supporting BLM and its adjacent parties no matter the inconvenient facts about the anti-racist movement; and, in this case, unquestioningly following the idea that gender identity is completely subjective and that this "fact" should be taught at an early age. I actually did all of these things for a while, because I wanted to fight what I saw as a real threat of authoritarianism in this country (I still do fear this, actually.)

Unfortunately, based on the comments to this OP and many others on this site, the left has become authoritarian, too, in response to the threat from the right. The poster simply wants a school that is a little less heavy-handed on gender subjectivity, and she is accused on being fascist, MAGA, etc. The responses are so predictable that it's gotten boring. I wonder when this fever will break, if ever. In-group political identity--and the belief system that is "accepted"--has become the defining religion for many Americans--and certainly most residents of the DC area. The left needs to start to realize that they have shed small-l liberalism in their quest for righteousness.

Regarding the poster's question on a less gender identity-focused private for a non-religious family, I can only point you towards the worst offenders when it comes to progressive groupthink. I would say that GDS is far and away the worst, followed by Sidwell. The Episcopal Schools are very progressive but probably a bit more muted. Independent Catholic-wise, SR is as progressive as possible without getting a Diocesan slapdown while Visi will be more conservative. Good luck.

Thank you. Agree with this. The left imagines itself to be righteous, but really, it is a menace doing real damage to society. I never thought I would see the day when so many people on the left would embrace the national security state/neocons, corporate media and obvious censorship/political repression. Yet here we are.

[Anonymous]

11:31 again
You are in a difficult position. For questioning gender curriculum, the liberal majority will give you a hard time and label you a “crazy MAGA Trump supporter.” The true conservatives, however, will regard you as an outsider/ liberal. It’s hard not to feel at home anywhere. I know because this is me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All this hand wringing for a typical developmental stage in adolescents. Adolescents question almost everything, especially when it comes to their identity. In the past, especially for the generation most parents fall into (those who grew up in the 1970/80s), this kind of questioning was frowned upon, leading many kids to conform to social norms without questioning why these norms exist and whether or not they are built on empirical data or social coercion using normative language and pathologizing those who do not conform. That led to many kids in my generation engaging in self-destructive behavior, including cutting, drug addiction, and suicide. We're now in a phase in our society when our understandings of gender, gender identity, sexuality, etc. have undergone a shift. Attitudes are now more accepting of kids who want to explore their gender. And, guess what? They're discovering that there is more than one way to be a man, one way to be a woman, and even that how they experience their gender does not fit into such a binary framing. As is the case, and as many people have mentioned on this board, most of the noise is coming from the older generation. If your kids are exploring their gender, let them. Maybe they'll end up deciding they're cis gendered; maybe they'll decide their nonbinary; maybe some will decide they just don't care. But, in my opinion, exploring their gender will only lead to them better understanding who they are and why they feel that way.

You’re a lunatic rationalizing away a problem. This kind of thing was not prevalent in the past. It is now because adults in positions of authority are pushing kids to identify as something other than straight and suggesting that kids are part of an oppressive block if they are straight. This is all based on nothing more than a left-wing ideology that likes to pretend it is “scientific.” The left saw an opportunity in 2020 to push its garbage agenda and that is exactly what they have been doing to the detriment of kids everywhere. Enough!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All this hand wringing for a typical developmental stage in adolescents. Adolescents question almost everything, especially when it comes to their identity. In the past, especially for the generation most parents fall into (those who grew up in the 1970/80s), this kind of questioning was frowned upon, leading many kids to conform to social norms without questioning why these norms exist and whether or not they are built on empirical data or social coercion using normative language and pathologizing those who do not conform. That led to many kids in my generation engaging in self-destructive behavior, including cutting, drug addiction, and suicide. We're now in a phase in our society when our understandings of gender, gender identity, sexuality, etc. have undergone a shift. Attitudes are now more accepting of kids who want to explore their gender. And, guess what? They're discovering that there is more than one way to be a man, one way to be a woman, and even that how they experience their gender does not fit into such a binary framing. As is the case, and as many people have mentioned on this board, most of the noise is coming from the older generation. If your kids are exploring their gender, let them. Maybe they'll end up deciding they're cis gendered; maybe they'll decide their nonbinary; maybe some will decide they just don't care. But, in my opinion, exploring their gender will only lead to them better understanding who they are and why they feel that way.

You’re a lunatic rationalizing away a problem. This kind of thing was not prevalent in the past. It is now because adults in positions of authority are pushing kids to identify as something other than straight and suggesting that kids are part of an oppressive block if they are straight. This is all based on nothing more than a left-wing ideology that likes to pretend it is “scientific.” The left saw an opportunity in 2020 to push its garbage agenda and that is exactly what they have been doing to the detriment of kids everywhere. Enough!

You sound insane…

But you think COVID is fake, the election is stolen, and pizza parlors sell kids, so… stay away from our Catholic schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All this hand wringing for a typical developmental stage in adolescents. Adolescents question almost everything, especially when it comes to their identity. In the past, especially for the generation most parents fall into (those who grew up in the 1970/80s), this kind of questioning was frowned upon, leading many kids to conform to social norms without questioning why these norms exist and whether or not they are built on empirical data or social coercion using normative language and pathologizing those who do not conform. That led to many kids in my generation engaging in self-destructive behavior, including cutting, drug addiction, and suicide. We're now in a phase in our society when our understandings of gender, gender identity, sexuality, etc. have undergone a shift. Attitudes are now more accepting of kids who want to explore their gender. And, guess what? They're discovering that there is more than one way to be a man, one way to be a woman, and even that how they experience their gender does not fit into such a binary framing. As is the case, and as many people have mentioned on this board, most of the noise is coming from the older generation. If your kids are exploring their gender, let them. Maybe they'll end up deciding they're cis gendered; maybe they'll decide their nonbinary; maybe some will decide they just don't care. But, in my opinion, exploring their gender will only lead to them better understanding who they are and why they feel that way.

You are describing the end. The end of our culture, our country, our civilization. When children decide to not have a gender, combined with their older siblings deciding not to have children, then it's the end. Fin.

I think the imminent climate disaster is only a coincidence, but maybe the two endings are correlated somehow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you scared? Your kid won't become trans if they are not trans just because it is mentioned at school a couple of times a year.

Maybe not but my 6th grader told me that 1/3 of one of his classes was gender non-conforming. This numbers do not translate to the real world.

Exactly. The explosion in kids who identify as trans is a major red flag to me. Two of the biological males in my sons pre-K class (out of 10 boys) were classified as non-binary and would alternate wearing boys and girls clothes. Sincere respect to individuals with gender dysphoria, but I believe this is harming children. Let them be kids instead of confusing them about things they do not understand.

HARMING them?

The only people having trouble with this are the adults. The kids are alright.

The kids are not alright. You haven’t read the thread. I’m glad yours seem to be, but mine and others are experiencing anxiety and worse. Not to mention that the lifelong health risks from hormone therapy/ delaying puberty are beginning to be understood.

The PP was talking about “alternate wearing boys and girls clothes” in PK. Zero harm there.

And very few take puberty blockers - strawman.

I am speaking from personal experience watching my own child and others I know who have experienced extreme anxiety. This is what I have lived through personally and experienced. The PP was making a generalization saying that gender exploration does not negatively impact kids and you are being purposely thick.

Also, there is actual data from actual scientific studies that shows that socially transitioning (eg wearing clothing from the adopted gender, adopting new pronouns, names, etc) does lead children to be much more likely to pursue medical transition. Not a strawman.

I’m curious if you are close to any children who have gone through a period of gender exploration?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All this hand wringing for a typical developmental stage in adolescents. Adolescents question almost everything, especially when it comes to their identity. In the past, especially for the generation most parents fall into (those who grew up in the 1970/80s), this kind of questioning was frowned upon, leading many kids to conform to social norms without questioning why these norms exist and whether or not they are built on empirical data or social coercion using normative language and pathologizing those who do not conform. That led to many kids in my generation engaging in self-destructive behavior, including cutting, drug addiction, and suicide. We're now in a phase in our society when our understandings of gender, gender identity, sexuality, etc. have undergone a shift. Attitudes are now more accepting of kids who want to explore their gender. And, guess what? They're discovering that there is more than one way to be a man, one way to be a woman, and even that how they experience their gender does not fit into such a binary framing. As is the case, and as many people have mentioned on this board, most of the noise is coming from the older generation. If your kids are exploring their gender, let them. Maybe they'll end up deciding they're cis gendered; maybe they'll decide their nonbinary; maybe some will decide they just don't care. But, in my opinion, exploring their gender will only lead to them better understanding who they are and why they feel that way.

You’re a lunatic rationalizing away a problem. This kind of thing was not prevalent in the past. It is now because adults in positions of authority are pushing kids to identify as something other than straight and suggesting that kids are part of an oppressive block if they are straight. This is all based on nothing more than a left-wing ideology that likes to pretend it is “scientific.” The left saw an opportunity in 2020 to push its garbage agenda and that is exactly what they have been doing to the detriment of kids everywhere. Enough!

You sound insane…

But you think COVID is fake, the election is stolen, and pizza parlors sell kids, so… stay away from our Catholic schools.

Oh, please. Smug little useful fools like you are the problem. You think you “won” because you called me MAGA or whatever. This is the contemporary left. So depleted and foolish that it can’t even muster a substantive defense and instead resorts to name calling, ostracizing and repression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's been interesting to watch how in the past five years or so (starting with Trump's Presidency) it has become impossible to question certain core tenets of the left. These sacred topics would be deeply strange to a progressive in 2010 if she could fast-forward to today. They are, in no particular order: masking in public places; positions on trans issues; anti-racism / race essentialism; and complete blind trust in certain media and government organizations (and hatred of others). I think I understand why this happened; there was (correctly) a deep fear of what Trump might do to America. In response, the only moral thing to do was to completely and totally embrace "the resistance." This meant subscribing to the Post (Democracy Dies in Darkness), supporting "the science" during the pandemic (meaning the people running NIH and CDC who didn't like Trump), supporting BLM and its adjacent parties no matter the inconvenient facts about the anti-racist movement; and, in this case, unquestioningly following the idea that gender identity is completely subjective and that this "fact" should be taught at an early age. I actually did all of these things for a while, because I wanted to fight what I saw as a real threat of authoritarianism in this country (I still do fear this, actually.)

Unfortunately, based on the comments to this OP and many others on this site, the left has become authoritarian, too, in response to the threat from the right. The poster simply wants a school that is a little less heavy-handed on gender subjectivity, and she is accused on being fascist, MAGA, etc. The responses are so predictable that it's gotten boring. I wonder when this fever will break, if ever. In-group political identity--and the belief system that is "accepted"--has become the defining religion for many Americans--and certainly most residents of the DC area. The left needs to start to realize that they have shed small-l liberalism in their quest for righteousness.

Regarding the poster's question on a less gender identity-focused private for a non-religious family, I can only point you towards the worst offenders when it comes to progressive groupthink. I would say that GDS is far and away the worst, followed by Sidwell. The Episcopal Schools are very progressive but probably a bit more muted. Independent Catholic-wise, SR is as progressive as possible without getting a Diocesan slapdown while Visi will be more conservative. Good luck.

This plus infinity. It’s amazing to me how people can’t see this.

https://www.parentsofrogdkids.com/

[Anonymous]

It’s trendy for girls to say they’re non-binary. We are at a DC charter high school where there isn’t much emphasis on this at all, other than to say that people may identify differently from their birth gender. And yet there are a huge number of girls who say they are non binary. It’s an odd fad and not coming from the schools. Your best bet would be to keep your girls away from social media and screens, but most parents are too lazy to do that and want to blame the school instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s trendy for girls to say they’re non-binary. We are at a DC charter high school where there isn’t much emphasis on this at all, other than to say that people may identify differently from their birth gender. And yet there are a huge number of girls who say they are non binary. It’s an odd fad and not coming from the schools. Your best bet would be to keep your girls away from social media and screens, but most parents are too lazy to do that and want to blame the school instead.

Other schools may put far more emphasis on the topic, your experience is not universal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All this hand wringing for a typical developmental stage in adolescents. Adolescents question almost everything, especially when it comes to their identity. In the past, especially for the generation most parents fall into (those who grew up in the 1970/80s), this kind of questioning was frowned upon, leading many kids to conform to social norms without questioning why these norms exist and whether or not they are built on empirical data or social coercion using normative language and pathologizing those who do not conform. That led to many kids in my generation engaging in self-destructive behavior, including cutting, drug addiction, and suicide. We're now in a phase in our society when our understandings of gender, gender identity, sexuality, etc. have undergone a shift. Attitudes are now more accepting of kids who want to explore their gender. And, guess what? They're discovering that there is more than one way to be a man, one way to be a woman, and even that how they experience their gender does not fit into such a binary framing. As is the case, and as many people have mentioned on this board, most of the noise is coming from the older generation. If your kids are exploring their gender, let them. Maybe they'll end up deciding they're cis gendered; maybe they'll decide their nonbinary; maybe some will decide they just don't care. But, in my opinion, exploring their gender will only lead to them better understanding who they are and why they feel that way.

You are describing the end. The end of our culture, our country, our civilization. When children decide to not have a gender, combined with their older siblings deciding not to have children, then it's the end. Fin.

I think the imminent climate disaster is only a coincidence, but maybe the two endings are correlated somehow.

Had not thought of it that way. The chemical and surgical sterilizing of kids, esp those with mental health diagnoses, trauma, sexual assault histories or who are on the spectrum seems to smack of rebranded eugenics.

That this is part of school curriculums is really startling. Eating disorders and suicides in cohorts have widely been recognized to have a social contagion element in many cases, now this is being taught by authority figures...in things like math problems. To think it could not cause confusion or anxiety in kids, esp those that don't want to be out of step or ostracized is disingenuous at best. This is not "free to be you and me" but something different.

-Life long progressive who used to work in politics and who never could have imagined this

[Anonymous]

By the way, in case anyone is interested, here is a link to the study that concludes (amongst other things) that children who socially transition are much more likely to persist/ medically transition. I didn’t summarize it well but here is the link: https://research.vu.nl/en/publications/from-gender-variance-to-gender-dysphoria-psychosexual-development

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All this hand wringing for a typical developmental stage in adolescents. Adolescents question almost everything, especially when it comes to their identity. In the past, especially for the generation most parents fall into (those who grew up in the 1970/80s), this kind of questioning was frowned upon, leading many kids to conform to social norms without questioning why these norms exist and whether or not they are built on empirical data or social coercion using normative language and pathologizing those who do not conform. That led to many kids in my generation engaging in self-destructive behavior, including cutting, drug addiction, and suicide. We're now in a phase in our society when our understandings of gender, gender identity, sexuality, etc. have undergone a shift. Attitudes are now more accepting of kids who want to explore their gender. And, guess what? They're discovering that there is more than one way to be a man, one way to be a woman, and even that how they experience their gender does not fit into such a binary framing. As is the case, and as many people have mentioned on this board, most of the noise is coming from the older generation. If your kids are exploring their gender, let them. Maybe they'll end up deciding they're cis gendered; maybe they'll decide their nonbinary; maybe some will decide they just don't care. But, in my opinion, exploring their gender will only lead to them better understanding who they are and why they feel that way.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be more worried about Tik Tok and Instagram than the run of the mill public school. That is where these kids are being influenced.

Exploring gender identity is really the least of the issues with TikTok.