Less gender identity-focused private school recommendation for a non-religious family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you scared? Your kid won't become trans if they are not trans just because it is mentioned at school a couple of times a year.

Maybe not but my 6th grader told me that 1/3 of one of his classes was gender non-conforming. This numbers do not translate to the real world.

Exactly. The explosion in kids who identify as trans is a major red flag to me. Two of the biological males in my sons pre-K class (out of 10 boys) were classified as non-binary and would alternate wearing boys and girls clothes. Sincere respect to individuals with gender dysphoria, but I believe this is harming children. Let them be kids instead of confusing them about things they do not understand.

HARMING them?

The only people having trouble with this are the adults. The kids are alright.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many of the fallacious claims people have made in this discussion remind me of the claims back in the 1980s that teaching students about why and how to use condoms would make them become more sexual active.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry. Your crazy rhetoric about “less gender identity focused private schools” puts you squarely in Catholic and Evangelical schools. None of the top tier privates believe in the GOP talking points about indoctrination.

Not OP but I will bite. Not every 6th or 7th grader is prepared to state or contemplate their gender identity. Love our non-Catholic all girl's school in so many ways, but have not loved my child being pushed to contemplate this at such a young age. Not sure if this is the concern that OP has, but my kid and some of her friends were very stressed by the "wellness classes" when they were in middle school. It's one thing to teach acceptance and completely another to ask them to write down how they identify. Not everyone is ready at the same age.

Why should you be “stressed” when asked to identify yourself? Girl, boy, non binary? Does it take much “contemplation?”

It is stressful to be pushed to identify on gender or sexuality before one is ready too. Why push it?

I don't understand this. If you haven't given it any thought, you're probably cis gender, so just use pronouns you've always used and move on. It is much more stressful to be trans or non-binary and feel like you can't say that out loud.

+1

The cisgender kids aren't "stressed" when asked if they have a pronoun preference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry. Your crazy rhetoric about “less gender identity focused private schools” puts you squarely in Catholic and Evangelical schools. None of the top tier privates believe in the GOP talking points about indoctrination.

Not OP but I will bite. Not every 6th or 7th grader is prepared to state or contemplate their gender identity. Love our non-Catholic all girl's school in so many ways, but have not loved my child being pushed to contemplate this at such a young age. Not sure if this is the concern that OP has, but my kid and some of her friends were very stressed by the "wellness classes" when they were in middle school. It's one thing to teach acceptance and completely another to ask them to write down how they identify. Not everyone is ready at the same age.

Why should you be “stressed” when asked to identify yourself? Girl, boy, non binary? Does it take much “contemplation?”

It is stressful to be pushed to identify on gender or sexuality before one is ready too. Why push it?

I don't understand this. If you haven't given it any thought, you're probably cis gender, so just use pronouns you've always used and move on. It is much more stressful to be trans or non-binary and feel like you can't say that out loud.

+1

The cisgender kids aren't "stressed" when asked if they have a pronoun preference.

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry. Your crazy rhetoric about “less gender identity focused private schools” puts you squarely in Catholic and Evangelical schools. None of the top tier privates believe in the GOP talking points about indoctrination.

Not OP but I will bite. Not every 6th or 7th grader is prepared to state or contemplate their gender identity. Love our non-Catholic all girl's school in so many ways, but have not loved my child being pushed to contemplate this at such a young age. Not sure if this is the concern that OP has, but my kid and some of her friends were very stressed by the "wellness classes" when they were in middle school. It's one thing to teach acceptance and completely another to ask them to write down how they identify. Not everyone is ready at the same age.

Why should you be “stressed” when asked to identify yourself? Girl, boy, non binary? Does it take much “contemplation?”

It is stressful to be pushed to identify on gender or sexuality before one is ready too. Why push it?

I don't understand this. If you haven't given it any thought, you're probably cis gender, so just use pronouns you've always used and move on. It is much more stressful to be trans or non-binary and feel like you can't say that out loud.

+1

The cisgender kids aren't "stressed" when asked if they have a pronoun preference.

Boys aren’t, girls are.

Same with clothes this year. Boys just putting on their sports shirts and T-shirt, girls all layered in middle school styles of Unclear What They’re Emulating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you scared? Your kid won't become trans if they are not trans just because it is mentioned at school a couple of times a year.

Maybe not but my 6th grader told me that 1/3 of one of his classes was gender non-conforming. This numbers do not translate to the real world.

Exactly. The explosion in kids who identify as trans is a major red flag to me. Two of the biological males in my sons pre-K class (out of 10 boys) were classified as non-binary and would alternate wearing boys and girls clothes. Sincere respect to individuals with gender dysphoria, but I believe this is harming children. Let them be kids instead of confusing them about things they do not understand.

HARMING them?

The only people having trouble with this are the adults. The kids are alright.

A friend came over last week about how troubled their son and younger daughter are with this. They are changing schools over and over trying to accommodate both kids wishes. One even wants to go to a single gender school for their non bio gender. Why? “Just because”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you scared? Your kid won't become trans if they are not trans just because it is mentioned at school a couple of times a year.

Maybe not but my 6th grader told me that 1/3 of one of his classes was gender non-conforming. This numbers do not translate to the real world.

Exactly. The explosion in kids who identify as trans is a major red flag to me. Two of the biological males in my sons pre-K class (out of 10 boys) were classified as non-binary and would alternate wearing boys and girls clothes. Sincere respect to individuals with gender dysphoria, but I believe this is harming children. Let them be kids instead of confusing them about things they do not understand.

HARMING them?

The only people having trouble with this are the adults. The kids are alright.

The kids are not alright. You haven’t read the thread. I’m glad yours seem to be, but mine and others are experiencing anxiety and worse. Not to mention that the lifelong health risks from hormone therapy/ delaying puberty are beginning to be understood.

[Anonymous]

For Baltimore schools, definitely avoid Bryn Mawr and Park, and probably Friends.

You're probably OK with RPCS and McDonough. But unfortunately the gender identity conversation is the it topic these days. I wouldn't be shy about asking private schools how they are handling it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you scared? Your kid won't become trans if they are not trans just because it is mentioned at school a couple of times a year.

Maybe not but my 6th grader told me that 1/3 of one of his classes was gender non-conforming. This numbers do not translate to the real world.

Exactly. The explosion in kids who identify as trans is a major red flag to me. Two of the biological males in my sons pre-K class (out of 10 boys) were classified as non-binary and would alternate wearing boys and girls clothes. Sincere respect to individuals with gender dysphoria, but I believe this is harming children. Let them be kids instead of confusing them about things they do not understand.

HARMING them?

The only people having trouble with this are the adults. The kids are alright.

If the boys are choosing to alternate between “boys” and “girls” clothes, who is that harming?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's been interesting to watch how in the past five years or so (starting with Trump's Presidency) it has become impossible to question certain core tenets of the left. These sacred topics would be deeply strange to a progressive in 2010 if she could fast-forward to today. They are, in no particular order: masking in public places; positions on trans issues; anti-racism / race essentialism; and complete blind trust in certain media and government organizations (and hatred of others). I think I understand why this happened; there was (correctly) a deep fear of what Trump might do to America. In response, the only moral thing to do was to completely and totally embrace "the resistance." This meant subscribing to the Post (Democracy Dies in Darkness), supporting "the science" during the pandemic (meaning the people running NIH and CDC who didn't like Trump), supporting BLM and its adjacent parties no matter the inconvenient facts about the anti-racist movement; and, in this case, unquestioningly following the idea that gender identity is completely subjective and that this "fact" should be taught at an early age. I actually did all of these things for a while, because I wanted to fight what I saw as a real threat of authoritarianism in this country (I still do fear this, actually.)

Unfortunately, based on the comments to this OP and many others on this site, the left has become authoritarian, too, in response to the threat from the right. The poster simply wants a school that is a little less heavy-handed on gender subjectivity, and she is accused on being fascist, MAGA, etc. The responses are so predictable that it's gotten boring. I wonder when this fever will break, if ever. In-group political identity--and the belief system that is "accepted"--has become the defining religion for many Americans--and certainly most residents of the DC area. The left needs to start to realize that they have shed small-l liberalism in their quest for righteousness.

Regarding the poster's question on a less gender identity-focused private for a non-religious family, I can only point you towards the worst offenders when it comes to progressive groupthink. I would say that GDS is far and away the worst, followed by Sidwell. The Episcopal Schools are very progressive but probably a bit more muted. Independent Catholic-wise, SR is as progressive as possible without getting a Diocesan slapdown while Visi will be more conservative. Good luck.

So well put. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you scared? Your kid won't become trans if they are not trans just because it is mentioned at school a couple of times a year.

Maybe not but my 6th grader told me that 1/3 of one of his classes was gender non-conforming. This numbers do not translate to the real world.

Exactly. The explosion in kids who identify as trans is a major red flag to me. Two of the biological males in my sons pre-K class (out of 10 boys) were classified as non-binary and would alternate wearing boys and girls clothes. Sincere respect to individuals with gender dysphoria, but I believe this is harming children. Let them be kids instead of confusing them about things they do not understand.

HARMING them?

The only people having trouble with this are the adults. The kids are alright.

The kids are not alright. You haven’t read the thread. I’m glad yours seem to be, but mine and others are experiencing anxiety and worse. Not to mention that the lifelong health risks from hormone therapy/ delaying puberty are beginning to be understood.

The PP was talking about “alternate wearing boys and girls clothes” in PK. Zero harm there.

And very few take puberty blockers - strawman.

[Anonymous]

All this hand wringing for a typical developmental stage in adolescents. Adolescents question almost everything, especially when it comes to their identity. In the past, especially for the generation most parents fall into (those who grew up in the 1970/80s), this kind of questioning was frowned upon, leading many kids to conform to social norms without questioning why these norms exist and whether or not they are built on empirical data or social coercion using normative language and pathologizing those who do not conform. That led to many kids in my generation engaging in self-destructive behavior, including cutting, drug addiction, and suicide. We're now in a phase in our society when our understandings of gender, gender identity, sexuality, etc. have undergone a shift. Attitudes are now more accepting of kids who want to explore their gender. And, guess what? They're discovering that there is more than one way to be a man, one way to be a woman, and even that how they experience their gender does not fit into such a binary framing. As is the case, and as many people have mentioned on this board, most of the noise is coming from the older generation. If your kids are exploring their gender, let them. Maybe they'll end up deciding they're cis gendered; maybe they'll decide their nonbinary; maybe some will decide they just don't care. But, in my opinion, exploring their gender will only lead to them better understanding who they are and why they feel that way.

[Anonymous]

I'd be more worried about Tik Tok and Instagram than the run of the mill public school. That is where these kids are being influenced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be more worried about Tik Tok and Instagram than the run of the mill public school. That is where these kids are being influenced.

Agreed. But if you prevent your kid from accessing tiktok, they are still getting it through their peers at school who have problematic social media.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, if you are still reading, I wanted to let you know that I understand where you are coming from.
We are not Catholic but are sending our child to a school similar to the schools below (We just moved from MD to a different state)
Brookewood (girls)
The Heights (boys)

Pros: Strong academic focus, school views parents as primary/integral partners, no gender-identity curriculum
Cons: It’s a big change for me. Most of the other families are large, Catholic, and skew quite conservative. We are not religious, have a single child and are more politically center. (I typically vote democrat and yes, listen to NPR.) So I am different, and I feel that difference, but at the same time, I still really like the school.

There are a handful of non-Catholic families at our school. Daily mass and the religion classes are not required. It is a religious environment though and we are respectful of that. Good luck!