Sorority rush - please make it sound appealing to me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter will be a freshman in a couple of weeks and isn't sure if she's interested in going greek or not. I was never in a sorority (my college didn't have them), so I can't really advise either way. I told her to make friends freshman year and see what those friends are planning to do. She can decide to rush or not for sophomore year. It does sound like a huge time suck and pretty silly. OTOH, it could be a lot of fun.

At least wait until Soph year, or at a minimum spring of freshman year. IMO nobody should be able to rush fall of freshman year. Let the kids actually work to make friends the normal/typical way. Explore clubs/activites and find your group(s). Then once you are settled, decide if you want/need to rush. Just seems strange to do it fall freshman year before you've had the opportunity to make friends and adjust to college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD rushed last year and I was in a sorority.

I preface this all by saying, neither of us rushed in the South. That's a whole different ballgame that I know nothing about.

It also varies by school but for DD (VA Tech) They suggest what type of outfit to wear for each day of rush. It gets more formal the further you get into rush. After each round you list you get to drop a certain # and the sororities drop a certain #. It goes on like this each round until you get down to 2. You rank them 1 and 2 and the sororities do the same. Yes, you may not get your top choice. You may not even get your second choice but I think that's pretty rare. If you don't like the bid you end with you don't have to take it.

NP

And are there people that don't get any bids?

It depends on the school but that would be rare. Many schools guarantee a bid if you go through the whole process.

And by “guarantee” they mean you may get one bid that you weren’t interested in at all. Washes their hands of it but your daughter is rejected by any house she had listed as preferences.

I've always called rush "pay to have friends". How can you find good friends with this superficial process? I don't pick my friends based on looks, how they dress, financial backing, etc. I pick based on type of person they are, are they genuine, nice, good person. I don't need some group of girls ranking me and deciding if I wore the right outfit to make the cut for the next round.

and guess what, there would be a house for even you! What did my DD like about the house that she ultimately chose? That they were "real", asked interesting questions designed to get conversation flowing easily, and they laughed A TON. It had nothing to do with their looks, how they dressed (was on zoom) or their financial backing. When she got off one zoom with the place she ended up, her roommate who had been in the room (and didn't rush), said, "wow that was so fun just to watch and listen, they seem like a great fit for you". That's what it's about.

The problem with the greek bashers on this thread is that you are all just taking the worst stereotypes, the southern belle greeks, or whatever you see on the news. You're not realizing that 95% of the girls across the country that are in sororities are JUST LIKE YOUR DD. And guess what, not every greek make is a rapist! What?! how could that be, it goes against all the stereotypes I have ever heard. Well didn't anyone teach you not to stereotype?

[Anonymous]

argh greek MALE i mean

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD rushed last year and I was in a sorority.

I preface this all by saying, neither of us rushed in the South. That's a whole different ballgame that I know nothing about.

It also varies by school but for DD (VA Tech) They suggest what type of outfit to wear for each day of rush. It gets more formal the further you get into rush. After each round you list you get to drop a certain # and the sororities drop a certain #. It goes on like this each round until you get down to 2. You rank them 1 and 2 and the sororities do the same. Yes, you may not get your top choice. You may not even get your second choice but I think that's pretty rare. If you don't like the bid you end with you don't have to take it.

NP

And are there people that don't get any bids?

It depends on the school but that would be rare. Many schools guarantee a bid if you go through the whole process.

And by “guarantee” they mean you may get one bid that you weren’t interested in at all. Washes their hands of it but your daughter is rejected by any house she had listed as preferences.

I've always called rush "pay to have friends". How can you find good friends with this superficial process? I don't pick my friends based on looks, how they dress, financial backing, etc. I pick based on type of person they are, are they genuine, nice, good person. I don't need some group of girls ranking me and deciding if I wore the right outfit to make the cut for the next round.

+1. The bending over backwards to justify Greek life is really weird.

OK so.... if you think that is weird, how weird is it then to be posting on a thread where the OP asked a question which you know nothing about, and bashing what she is asking about? How is that not weird? The obsessive need to comment on every thread that is posted about greek life on this board is what is weird. If you were not greek or do not have a kid in the greek system, why not just walk on by?

[Anonymous]

Isn’t that what clubs are for - to “meet your people”? The “opt-in” nature of those is a lot more palatable than the perpetuation of social rank.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Isn’t that what clubs are for - to “meet your people”? The “opt-in” nature of those is a lot more palatable than the perpetuation of social rank.

Got news for you, many clubs are not "opt in", they are interview or try out. This is the way of the world, better get used to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I rushed and joined a sorority at a non-southern school in the mid-90s. It was technically a fraternity for women, bc when founded in the early 1900s our founders didnt want to be lumped in w the sororities of women who were just there to be “sister groups” to the mens fraternities.

Sororities/fraternities do a lot more than just party. I was on the executive committee of mine (like pres, vp, etc.) so obv very involved but I went to maybe 2 frat parties my entire college career. I wasnt into frat guys so I saw no reason to go. That was ok because I joined a sorority that liked me as a person, not just one that only consists of hot chicks picking other hot chicks. There were plenty of other things to do w my sisters other than frat parties. Granted, I wasn't in one of the “top” sororities on campus. Maybe if I was, it would have been different.

The rush process was a bit stressful, but it lasts maybe a week -10 days. Its basically a week during which every woman who wants to join a sorority meets all of the sororities at the school one after another, like speed dating. and learns about them: their values, their activities, their philanthropy, basically the vibe of the place. Every sorority has a diff vibe. Some are perfect for the “hot chicks”, some for the fun girls, smart girls, nice girls, athletic girls, etc. You choose which house fits where you can see yourself fitting in best over the next 4 years. Then, they do the same. And hopefully you match, or receive a bid. At my school, there was one sorority that had some very nice women in it, not conventionally attractive. Many were overweight. They gave every single woman a bid. And they were a v tight sisterhood. Everybody wants to belong somewhere.

What I loved about being in a sorority was having a built-in support system. Even now that I am in my 40s, we just made a move and I dont know anyone. There is a local chapter of my sorority though so I was able to reach out join it and meet a few people.

FYI--rush is not like that at most universities. Also, "everybody wants to belong somewhere". Well that can be accomplished thru normal social interactions. I attended a university where 40-50% were Greek (I obviously wasn't). I had a normal social life and a great group of friends. However, I found those friends on my own, because we had similar interests. But freshman rush started during new student week fall of freshman year, so before classes had even started. I lived in the frat quad (unfortunately), so all 40 girls on my floor except me and a friend rushed. My first week on a college campus involved watching these girls go trhu the highs/lows of the prices. One day they wanted X and Y and hated Z. But when X and Y cut them in round 2 and Z was the best left, suddenly they just loved Z and it's the place for the. It was just so superficial. Girls that had stared becoming friends in the first 2 days drifted apart, because they went to different sororities and girls from those 2 sororities typically were not Friends. Meanwhile, I was happily making my own friends on my own---not following the "middle school way for popular girls"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter will be a freshman in a couple of weeks and isn't sure if she's interested in going greek or not. I was never in a sorority (my college didn't have them), so I can't really advise either way. I told her to make friends freshman year and see what those friends are planning to do. She can decide to rush or not for sophomore year. It does sound like a huge time suck and pretty silly. OTOH, it could be a lot of fun.

At least wait until Soph year, or at a minimum spring of freshman year. IMO nobody should be able to rush fall of freshman year. Let the kids actually work to make friends the normal/typical way. Explore clubs/activites and find your group(s). Then once you are settled, decide if you want/need to rush. Just seems strange to do it fall freshman year before you've had the opportunity to make friends and adjust to college.

I agree, I really don't like the places that rush in the fall. You have no time to set your feet much less decide if you want to rush. Both of my kids and myself were at schools where you could not rush until second semester freshman year. Much better, and I think most schools do that now.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know how it’s like in other parts of the country, but here in NYC at least, being a part of a sorority/fraternity would be a pretty big red flag in certain industries outside of, say, PR and finance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD rushed last year and I was in a sorority.

I preface this all by saying, neither of us rushed in the South. That's a whole different ballgame that I know nothing about.

It also varies by school but for DD (VA Tech) They suggest what type of outfit to wear for each day of rush. It gets more formal the further you get into rush. After each round you list you get to drop a certain # and the sororities drop a certain #. It goes on like this each round until you get down to 2. You rank them 1 and 2 and the sororities do the same. Yes, you may not get your top choice. You may not even get your second choice but I think that's pretty rare. If you don't like the bid you end with you don't have to take it.

Rush is a stressful process because what ends up happening is that all the girls tend to be most attracted to the "top" houses, which are the sororities that mix with the "top" fraternities. The problem with your average college freshman is that in those houses, you need to have connections, usually people from your high school (usually private) who get you in. Even if you go in thinking you don't care and you don't even know if you want to pledge anywhere, you often will "fall in love" with a house because you liked the girls you spoke to or all your friends are hoping to go there too, and unfortunately they may not fall in love with you. My DD is happy where she ended up but it was hell to go through for sure. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how you look at it, she was dropped by all the houses she thought she loved after the first day, save one. When she called me in tears, I reminded her that she had called me after she met with this one house and asked me if Id ever heard of it before because she really loved the girls but just knew nothing about them. Since that was the only one she liked left, she really only focused on that one house to tell me how much she liked the girls. She just had never heard of them before so didn't know anything about them. The rest of rush ended up fine as that house is where she got a bid. It was heartbreaking for her and several of her friends to be cut from places they thought they had a good connection with but, if you asked all of them now, they ended up in the right house for them, and it really does usually work out that way. Today my DD would say she is so thankful that she didn't end up in the ones she thought were her first choice going in.

You do not need to accept a bid, and you can drop out of rush at any time. Even if you accept a bid, you can check it out and then drop if you don't like it.

Wow. I had two girls rush at UVA and it was not "stressful" for them at all. Not even a little.

I’m the pp and my kid did rush at Uva and it was stressful. She and 3-4 of her friends were crushed early on but then it worked out, her best friend got dropped on the last day from her moms house (uva legacy). So yeah tough, but then it’s over and it all worked out. I rushed at at Slac and it was fine, but I had friends in the house I wanted and it wasn’t nearly as competitive.

Would the roommate have been a good fit in moms sorority though honestly, looking back at it? Being a legacy is awesome but if you are (for instance) a vegan and moms sorority thinks vegans are dumb, that would be a long and unfun 4 years.

Here's the thing (not PP), I'm not a vegan, but I personally don't want to hang out with people who are so judgmental. Insert any other topic as well (say LGTBQ, non-white, not wealthy, etc) , if people are genuinely that judgmental, why would anyone want to be in that sorority? Just seems like a breeding ground for superficial people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I rushed and joined a sorority at a non-southern school in the mid-90s. It was technically a fraternity for women, bc when founded in the early 1900s our founders didnt want to be lumped in w the sororities of women who were just there to be “sister groups” to the mens fraternities.

Sororities/fraternities do a lot more than just party. I was on the executive committee of mine (like pres, vp, etc.) so obv very involved but I went to maybe 2 frat parties my entire college career. I wasnt into frat guys so I saw no reason to go. That was ok because I joined a sorority that liked me as a person, not just one that only consists of hot chicks picking other hot chicks. There were plenty of other things to do w my sisters other than frat parties. Granted, I wasn't in one of the “top” sororities on campus. Maybe if I was, it would have been different.

The rush process was a bit stressful, but it lasts maybe a week -10 days. Its basically a week during which every woman who wants to join a sorority meets all of the sororities at the school one after another, like speed dating. and learns about them: their values, their activities, their philanthropy, basically the vibe of the place. Every sorority has a diff vibe. Some are perfect for the “hot chicks”, some for the fun girls, smart girls, nice girls, athletic girls, etc. You choose which house fits where you can see yourself fitting in best over the next 4 years. Then, they do the same. And hopefully you match, or receive a bid. At my school, there was one sorority that had some very nice women in it, not conventionally attractive. Many were overweight. They gave every single woman a bid. And they were a v tight sisterhood. Everybody wants to belong somewhere.

What I loved about being in a sorority was having a built-in support system. Even now that I am in my 40s, we just made a move and I dont know anyone. There is a local chapter of my sorority though so I was able to reach out join it and meet a few people.

FYI--rush is not like that at most universities. Also, "everybody wants to belong somewhere". Well that can be accomplished thru normal social interactions. I attended a university where 40-50% were Greek (I obviously wasn't). I had a normal social life and a great group of friends. However, I found those friends on my own, because we had similar interests. But freshman rush started during new student week fall of freshman year, so before classes had even started. I lived in the frat quad (unfortunately), so all 40 girls on my floor except me and a friend rushed. My first week on a college campus involved watching these girls go trhu the highs/lows of the prices. One day they wanted X and Y and hated Z. But when X and Y cut them in round 2 and Z was the best left, suddenly they just loved Z and it's the place for the. It was just so superficial. Girls that had stared becoming friends in the first 2 days drifted apart, because they went to different sororities and girls from those 2 sororities typically were not Friends. Meanwhile, I was happily making my own friends on my own---not following the "middle school way for popular girls"

You're wrong and you wouldn't know since you said yourself that you are not greek. The PP's experience is exactly my experience and my DDs thirty years later. The problems and the stress come in because of the perceived popularity of a particular house, which is really a problem during fall freshman year rush because in reality they know no one in these houses and are just going on popularity. My DD rushed in spring and by then had had a few "rush dates" with people she'd met in the sororities so she not only had a vision of what was "popular" but she also knew some more about the types of girls that she'd interact with because she had met them in an informal setting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter will be a freshman in a couple of weeks and isn't sure if she's interested in going greek or not. I was never in a sorority (my college didn't have them), so I can't really advise either way. I told her to make friends freshman year and see what those friends are planning to do. She can decide to rush or not for sophomore year. It does sound like a huge time suck and pretty silly. OTOH, it could be a lot of fun.

My DD went into school not sold on rushing either but then everyone on her hall did and it seemed like fun to check it all out. It worked out and she loves her sorority and is excited to participate in some leadership positions this year. It is really not a big time suck, unless boys rush and pledging, it was an absolute breeze for her and all fun, once she got through rush itself. The only negative I saw is that her hall had been very close all fall and into spring but then when they rushed, they all ended up in different houses and they tended to go their separate ways. No one else on my DD's hall was in her sorority, so she felt a little sad that she lost that closeness with some of them as they got to know their new sisters, but in the end, they are still friends and I think that will continue this year (sophomore). Just a warning that that can happen and those great friends from freshman fall might end up spending less time there.

Exactly one of the issues I have with the greek system. Kids often give up their other friends as they get involved in the sorority/frat. Some of it's due to time commitments, but other times it's due to XYZs don't really associate with GHIs. Why would you want to loose your other friends to be in a sorority?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know how it’s like in other parts of the country, but here in NYC at least, being a part of a sorority/fraternity would be a pretty big red flag in certain industries outside of, say, PR and finance.

and you know that how? I love the blanket statements as though you posters all all knowing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter will be a freshman in a couple of weeks and isn't sure if she's interested in going greek or not. I was never in a sorority (my college didn't have them), so I can't really advise either way. I told her to make friends freshman year and see what those friends are planning to do. She can decide to rush or not for sophomore year. It does sound like a huge time suck and pretty silly. OTOH, it could be a lot of fun.

My DD went into school not sold on rushing either but then everyone on her hall did and it seemed like fun to check it all out. It worked out and she loves her sorority and is excited to participate in some leadership positions this year. It is really not a big time suck, unless boys rush and pledging, it was an absolute breeze for her and all fun, once she got through rush itself. The only negative I saw is that her hall had been very close all fall and into spring but then when they rushed, they all ended up in different houses and they tended to go their separate ways. No one else on my DD's hall was in her sorority, so she felt a little sad that she lost that closeness with some of them as they got to know their new sisters, but in the end, they are still friends and I think that will continue this year (sophomore). Just a warning that that can happen and those great friends from freshman fall might end up spending less time there.

Exactly one of the issues I have with the greek system. Kids often give up their other friends as they get involved in the sorority/frat. Some of it's due to time commitments, but other times it's due to XYZs don't really associate with GHIs. Why would you want to loose your other friends to be in a sorority?

well that's not what happened, and I'm the PP. they just drifted apart because of the time spent getting to know their new sisters. My DD's best friend was in a different sorority, and she invited my DD ro all her events and so did my DD. In fact they went to each others date functions since they didn't have a guy date, and no one cared. My DD has been to her friends mixers etc. No one is telling them they cannot or should not associate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rush is startlingly similar to the law firm on campus interview (OCI) process.

No, it isn't. Those girls wouldn't get bids.

Not true at all, I matched at the most desirable sorority at my college and went on to a T5 law school and big law. Having strong social skills is always an advantage in life.

Hint: you can have strong social skills and succeed in life without belonging to a group that picks it's members based on what they wear and how "hot " they are.