Sorority rush - please make it sound appealing to me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rush is startlingly similar to the law firm on campus interview (OCI) process.

No, it isn't. Those girls wouldn't get bids.

Not true at all, I matched at the most desirable sorority at my college and went on to a T5 law school and big law. Having strong social skills is always an advantage in life.

Hint: you can have strong social skills and succeed in life without belonging to a group that picks it's members based on what they wear and how "hot " they are.

Hint just because you think you know what a sorority is like does not mean you do. No one in my DDs sorority judged based on how they looked or what the wore. I’m sure it happens but you can’t paint the whole system with the same brush. Stop posting on a subject you know nothing about!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorority girls are the ultimate “pick me” girls.

NP who was not in a sorority and did not rush: What’s wrong with wanting to be picked, for a part in a play, or a spot on the basketball team, or a sorority house, or a job, or to have your novel published, or to find a romantic partner, or to come on down for “The Price is Right”?

[Anonymous]

It’s cringey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s cringey.

No more so than adults trying to sound like teenagers with the hip lingo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD rushed last year and I was in a sorority.

I preface this all by saying, neither of us rushed in the South. That's a whole different ballgame that I know nothing about.

It also varies by school but for DD (VA Tech) They suggest what type of outfit to wear for each day of rush. It gets more formal the further you get into rush. After each round you list you get to drop a certain # and the sororities drop a certain #. It goes on like this each round until you get down to 2. You rank them 1 and 2 and the sororities do the same. Yes, you may not get your top choice. You may not even get your second choice but I think that's pretty rare. If you don't like the bid you end with you don't have to take it.

NP

And are there people that don't get any bids?

It depends on the school but that would be rare. Many schools guarantee a bid if you go through the whole process.

And by “guarantee” they mean you may get one bid that you weren’t interested in at all. Washes their hands of it but your daughter is rejected by any house she had listed as preferences.

I've always called rush "pay to have friends". How can you find good friends with this superficial process? I don't pick my friends based on looks, how they dress, financial backing, etc. I pick based on type of person they are, are they genuine, nice, good person. I don't need some group of girls ranking me and deciding if I wore the right outfit to make the cut for the next round.

and guess what, there would be a house for even you! What did my DD like about the house that she ultimately chose? That they were "real", asked interesting questions designed to get conversation flowing easily, and they laughed A TON. It had nothing to do with their looks, how they dressed (was on zoom) or their financial backing. When she got off one zoom with the place she ended up, her roommate who had been in the room (and didn't rush), said, "wow that was so fun just to watch and listen, they seem like a great fit for you". That's what it's about.

The problem with the greek bashers on this thread is that you are all just taking the worst stereotypes, the southern belle greeks, or whatever you see on the news. You're not realizing that 95% of the girls across the country that are in sororities are JUST LIKE YOUR DD. And guess what, not every greek make is a rapist! What?! how could that be, it goes against all the stereotypes I have ever heard. Well didn't anyone teach you not to stereotype?

It's not stereotypes; it's what I witnessed when I was in college. 95% of sororities were superficial and mean to those not in their groups. Glad your DD found her place. My kids and myself were able to find a great group of friends without having to pay $1K+ each year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD rushed last year and I was in a sorority.

I preface this all by saying, neither of us rushed in the South. That's a whole different ballgame that I know nothing about.

It also varies by school but for DD (VA Tech) They suggest what type of outfit to wear for each day of rush. It gets more formal the further you get into rush. After each round you list you get to drop a certain # and the sororities drop a certain #. It goes on like this each round until you get down to 2. You rank them 1 and 2 and the sororities do the same. Yes, you may not get your top choice. You may not even get your second choice but I think that's pretty rare. If you don't like the bid you end with you don't have to take it.

NP

And are there people that don't get any bids?

yes, at every round.

And thats fine. Because you want to join a sorority with a group of women who share your values. If you dont receive a bid from a specific sorority, its bc they dont think that you share their values. And the matching process should be a two-way street.

Lets say you are a studious woman and you take school seriously. Joining the sorority that is women who only want to party doesnt align with your values. Or if you are a student athelete, the partiers probably wont align w your vales either.

Assuming so much here. At big, southern schools there are so many legacies, it doesn’t matter how perfectly suited you are to their “values” - you’re at the bottom and inevitably get dropped. And it’s lightening fast. You can’t actually get to know anyone so propaganda like this just makes girls feel inadequate and it’s a fine display of the misery of rush. Connections are everything. There have to be girls in the house who already know you somehow or there isn’t a reason in the works for them to pick you over the other 2,000 girls.

It’s a horrendously cruel process. So much so that the nice older girls would rather pay a fine to not participate - because it was a traumatic week for them even with a happy ending of a bid they took.

For the life of me I cannot fathom why anyone would want to remain a part of an organization that makes them pay to not participate in the "horrendously cruel process". I have enough self esteem to know I don't need to "pay to play"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP there are lots of people on this board who simply hate greek life and can't imagine why anyone would do it. Got news for you, many of them don't even have kids in college and once they do, their kid may well be interested themselves. Why? because it's a way to make a large college smaller, to find "your people" which we are always talking about on this board. It's much easier to find your people in a group of 200 sorority sisters, as opposed to 15,000 under grads.

It's also just fun. They have an active social life, lots of parties and activities including charity events, and there are lots of leadership opportunities.

And again, there is a huge emphasis on diversity in greek life these days. These are not white blond girls anymore, though I can't speak for the SEC schools. My DDs house represents every ethnicity on campus and is a home for all their members, from the studious to the party girl and everyone in between. She has met a group of girls that she really enjoys being around (especially the older girls) and never would have met them had it not been for her sorority.

In reality, it's not much different than any other social club or even sports, or academic etc. Yes the rush process is tough, and that's because there are SO many people interested. When you have 15 houses and a thousand people interested, you are going to have to have a selection process.

Actually, my kids have always steered clear of groups and organizations that cause drama, treat people unfairly, and judge others based on superficial traits. They have done this since ES, when they quickly realized the Queen Bees were downright mean to many kids and excluded them and made fun of them. While my kid was not excluded, they were smart enough to realize this was wrong and didn't join those groups. Similarly in MS and HS, steered clear of the "mean girls" and "popular crowd" where your status could change daily. She watched a good friend go thru it in HS and just supported her; watched the friend wander around alone at Homecoming because she'd been ditched by the "popular friends" yet wouldn't/couldn't talk to her other group of friends 4 of them for fear of being further excluded from the popular group. My kid is nice enough to remain good friends with this girl, and just be there when she "has the time for her and that group of friends", but they all hurt watching the friend deal with the ups/downs/meanness of the popular group and wish she could see she doesn't have to do that to herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorority girls are the ultimate “pick me” girls.

NP who was not in a sorority and did not rush: What’s wrong with wanting to be picked, for a part in a play, or a spot on the basketball team, or a sorority house, or a job, or to have your novel published, or to find a romantic partner, or to come on down for “The Price is Right”?

Because being picked for a part in a play, a spot on the baseball team or to have your novel published, or a job, etc is typically based on your skillset for that position/job. But the skillset for a sorority/fraternity is your pedigree, how you dress, your family connections, many superficial characteristics. It's just a continuation of being in the "popular crowd" in MS/HS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorority girls are the ultimate “pick me” girls.

NP who was not in a sorority and did not rush: What’s wrong with wanting to be picked, for a part in a play, or a spot on the basketball team, or a sorority house, or a job, or to have your novel published, or to find a romantic partner, or to come on down for “The Price is Right”?

Because being picked for a part in a play, a spot on the baseball team or to have your novel published, or a job, etc is typically based on your skillset for that position/job. But the skillset for a sorority/fraternity is your pedigree, how you dress, your family connections, many superficial characteristics. It's just a continuation of being in the "popular crowd" in MS/HS.

That's how I saw it as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP there are lots of people on this board who simply hate greek life and can't imagine why anyone would do it. Got news for you, many of them don't even have kids in college and once they do, their kid may well be interested themselves. Why? because it's a way to make a large college smaller, to find "your people" which we are always talking about on this board. It's much easier to find your people in a group of 200 sorority sisters, as opposed to 15,000 under grads.

It's also just fun. They have an active social life, lots of parties and activities including charity events, and there are lots of leadership opportunities.

And again, there is a huge emphasis on diversity in greek life these days. These are not white blond girls anymore, though I can't speak for the SEC schools. My DDs house represents every ethnicity on campus and is a home for all their members, from the studious to the party girl and everyone in between. She has met a group of girls that she really enjoys being around (especially the older girls) and never would have met them had it not been for her sorority.

In reality, it's not much different than any other social club or even sports, or academic etc. Yes the rush process is tough, and that's because there are SO many people interested. When you have 15 houses and a thousand people interested, you are going to have to have a selection process.

Actually, my kids have always steered clear of groups and organizations that cause drama, treat people unfairly, and judge others based on superficial traits. They have done this since ES, when they quickly realized the Queen Bees were downright mean to many kids and excluded them and made fun of them. While my kid was not excluded, they were smart enough to realize this was wrong and didn't join those groups. Similarly in MS and HS, steered clear of the "mean girls" and "popular crowd" where your status could change daily. She watched a good friend go thru it in HS and just supported her; watched the friend wander around alone at Homecoming because she'd been ditched by the "popular friends" yet wouldn't/couldn't talk to her other group of friends 4 of them for fear of being further excluded from the popular group. My kid is nice enough to remain good friends with this girl, and just be there when she "has the time for her and that group of friends", but they all hurt watching the friend deal with the ups/downs/meanness of the popular group and wish she could see she doesn't have to do that to herself.

As have my kids. My kids were never interested in being in the popular group and tended to smart, quiet kids like themselves all their lives. Just because my DD is in a sorority you assume she is all about causing drama and being popular? My Dd sounds quite a bit like yours and she has found a group she really likes. Just normal down to earth people. But ok you obsess over something you are just judging based on stereotyping. There are 15 sororities at my DD school, you don’t think there are some that are just normal good hearted people like your daughter (and mine)? Can you not fathom that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorority girls are the ultimate “pick me” girls.

NP who was not in a sorority and did not rush: What’s wrong with wanting to be picked, for a part in a play, or a spot on the basketball team, or a sorority house, or a job, or to have your novel published, or to find a romantic partner, or to come on down for “The Price is Right”?

Because being picked for a part in a play, a spot on the baseball team or to have your novel published, or a job, etc is typically based on your skillset for that position/job. But the skillset for a sorority/fraternity is your pedigree, how you dress, your family connections, many superficial characteristics. It's just a continuation of being in the "popular crowd" in MS/HS.

That's how I saw it as well.

And again you know nothing. Stop posting what you do not know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD rushed last year and I was in a sorority.

I preface this all by saying, neither of us rushed in the South. That's a whole different ballgame that I know nothing about.

It also varies by school but for DD (VA Tech) They suggest what type of outfit to wear for each day of rush. It gets more formal the further you get into rush. After each round you list you get to drop a certain # and the sororities drop a certain #. It goes on like this each round until you get down to 2. You rank them 1 and 2 and the sororities do the same. Yes, you may not get your top choice. You may not even get your second choice but I think that's pretty rare. If you don't like the bid you end with you don't have to take it.

NP

And are there people that don't get any bids?

It depends on the school but that would be rare. Many schools guarantee a bid if you go through the whole process.

And by “guarantee” they mean you may get one bid that you weren’t interested in at all. Washes their hands of it but your daughter is rejected by any house she had listed as preferences.

I've always called rush "pay to have friends". How can you find good friends with this superficial process? I don't pick my friends based on looks, how they dress, financial backing, etc. I pick based on type of person they are, are they genuine, nice, good person. I don't need some group of girls ranking me and deciding if I wore the right outfit to make the cut for the next round.

and guess what, there would be a house for even you! What did my DD like about the house that she ultimately chose? That they were "real", asked interesting questions designed to get conversation flowing easily, and they laughed A TON. It had nothing to do with their looks, how they dressed (was on zoom) or their financial backing. When she got off one zoom with the place she ended up, her roommate who had been in the room (and didn't rush), said, "wow that was so fun just to watch and listen, they seem like a great fit for you". That's what it's about.

The problem with the greek bashers on this thread is that you are all just taking the worst stereotypes, the southern belle greeks, or whatever you see on the news. You're not realizing that 95% of the girls across the country that are in sororities are JUST LIKE YOUR DD. And guess what, not every greek make is a rapist! What?! how could that be, it goes against all the stereotypes I have ever heard. Well didn't anyone teach you not to stereotype?

This was literally the point of the book I read. That sororities protest people falling for stereotypes, but then they're all true and actually worse than advertised in some cases. All the sororities in the book said the exact same thing about the nasty media and then couldn't disprove any of it. They would have national conferences with panel talks centered around strategies to basically hide how much of their setup was exactly what was complained about and gaslight people or outright lie to pledges through coordinated codes. The "commitment to service" was just rich girls throwing some money at a cause maybe once a semester. Other people manage to make friends naturally through classes, sports, clubs, jobs, etc. without needing to wear all the same outfits or debase themselves. It seemed purely aimed at creating an exclusionary vibe because if it wasn't exclusive then your delusion that it was actually worth anything or made you special all evaporated like smoke.

[Anonymous]

The more I learn about Greek life, the more stunned I am that people in 2022 are attracted to ANY aspect of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorority girls are the ultimate “pick me” girls.

NP who was not in a sorority and did not rush: What’s wrong with wanting to be picked, for a part in a play, or a spot on the basketball team, or a sorority house, or a job, or to have your novel published, or to find a romantic partner, or to come on down for “The Price is Right”?

Because being picked for a part in a play, a spot on the baseball team or to have your novel published, or a job, etc is typically based on your skillset for that position/job. But the skillset for a sorority/fraternity is your pedigree, how you dress, your family connections, many superficial characteristics. It's just a continuation of being in the "popular crowd" in MS/HS.

That's how I saw it as well.

…and?

And why not leave them to it? That’s not my type, but glad there’s an “outlet” for people who roll that way. Better to have college kids who are deeply invested in that kind of scene to have literally a system to be in. And then because that will take up a lot of their time and energy, that frees up other spaces and opportunities for students who want to pursue different things.

Live and let live. I’m really not sure why that’s such a hard concept for people. A lot of things don’t sound appealing to me—snorkeling, clubbing, fishing, reality TV, tennis—but I understand that people enjoy those things, and good for them. I don’t need anyone to “make it sound appealing to me,” as if I personally need to validate what other people value and how they should spend their time and energy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorority girls are the ultimate “pick me” girls.

NP who was not in a sorority and did not rush: What’s wrong with wanting to be picked, for a part in a play, or a spot on the basketball team, or a sorority house, or a job, or to have your novel published, or to find a romantic partner, or to come on down for “The Price is Right”?

Because being picked for a part in a play, a spot on the baseball team or to have your novel published, or a job, etc is typically based on your skillset for that position/job. But the skillset for a sorority/fraternity is your pedigree, how you dress, your family connections, many superficial characteristics. It's just a continuation of being in the "popular crowd" in MS/HS.

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