Anyone had success with an open marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was but it was open for me at my wife's insistence. I really don't want to go into the details but it worked remarkably well but only because of her and her love for me. I doubt I could have handled if the situation was reversed.

Past tense? What happened?

I'll let you speculate but we were married till the end.

Wow, that’s heavy. Hope you’re doing ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t heard of an open marriage like one you’re describing work. I have heard of many working when there is open communication, boundaries, and a big effort to sustain and nurture the marriage.

I’ve never heard of a sexless marriage like OPs work.

Your point?

(But as a counterpoint to whatever you’re trying to say: I have heard of it working)

+1, I know several people in this exact marriage who are doing well. Their marriages are about the kids, companionship, shared financial goals, maybe some shared hobbies. Even when one partner would like to be having some sex, it can work, as long as that other stuff is a much higher priority to them. Sure, you could leave the marriage and have a lot more sex. But if it would mean losing your co-parent, best friend, person who knows you better than anyone, and sacrificing your finances... it's not worth it.

For some reason it is taboo in our culture to admit that sex is not your main priority in a long-term relationship. But for a lot of people it isn't. This is consider a tragedy but to me the real tragedy is someone who would break up a family and 10+ year marriage, and jeopardize their retirement and financial security (as well as that of their kids) just for sex. That's crazy to me, and I like sex. I might not be in a sexless marriage, but my sex life doesn't crack the top 5 of the reasons I value my marriage at this point. It's a nice bonus but very far from the reason I'm here.

Yes, but are you a man or a woman? I'm guessing the latter.

She is a woman.

Although as a man, I tend to agree with her to a point. It does seem foolish to throw away an otherwise decent marriage for sex but that's why I think discreet affairs are the answer, not divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t heard of an open marriage like one you’re describing work. I have heard of many working when there is open communication, boundaries, and a big effort to sustain and nurture the marriage.

I’ve never heard of a sexless marriage like OPs work.

Your point?

(But as a counterpoint to whatever you’re trying to say: I have heard of it working)

+1, I know several people in this exact marriage who are doing well. Their marriages are about the kids, companionship, shared financial goals, maybe some shared hobbies. Even when one partner would like to be having some sex, it can work, as long as that other stuff is a much higher priority to them. Sure, you could leave the marriage and have a lot more sex. But if it would mean losing your co-parent, best friend, person who knows you better than anyone, and sacrificing your finances... it's not worth it.

For some reason it is taboo in our culture to admit that sex is not your main priority in a long-term relationship. But for a lot of people it isn't. This is consider a tragedy but to me the real tragedy is someone who would break up a family and 10+ year marriage, and jeopardize their retirement and financial security (as well as that of their kids) just for sex. That's crazy to me, and I like sex. I might not be in a sexless marriage, but my sex life doesn't crack the top 5 of the reasons I value my marriage at this point. It's a nice bonus but very far from the reason I'm here.

Yes, but are you a man or a woman? I'm guessing the latter.

Men always say that sex isn’t just about sex. It’s also about feeling loved and connected. Is it so hard for you to imagine that a man could be content with feeling loved and connected in other ways, and that can be enough without resorting to infidelity or divorce?

It really is taboo for a man to say sex isn’t his primary priority. We live in a culture where a man’s worth is based on how much they get paid and how much they get laid. So you aren’t going to hear a lot of men say “my wife doesn’t want to have sex with me and I have accepted that and found happiness in our marriage.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t heard of an open marriage like one you’re describing work. I have heard of many working when there is open communication, boundaries, and a big effort to sustain and nurture the marriage.

I’ve never heard of a sexless marriage like OPs work.

Your point?

(But as a counterpoint to whatever you’re trying to say: I have heard of it working)

+1, I know several people in this exact marriage who are doing well. Their marriages are about the kids, companionship, shared financial goals, maybe some shared hobbies. Even when one partner would like to be having some sex, it can work, as long as that other stuff is a much higher priority to them. Sure, you could leave the marriage and have a lot more sex. But if it would mean losing your co-parent, best friend, person who knows you better than anyone, and sacrificing your finances... it's not worth it.

For some reason it is taboo in our culture to admit that sex is not your main priority in a long-term relationship. But for a lot of people it isn't. This is consider a tragedy but to me the real tragedy is someone who would break up a family and 10+ year marriage, and jeopardize their retirement and financial security (as well as that of their kids) just for sex. That's crazy to me, and I like sex. I might not be in a sexless marriage, but my sex life doesn't crack the top 5 of the reasons I value my marriage at this point. It's a nice bonus but very far from the reason I'm here.

Yes, but are you a man or a woman? I'm guessing the latter.

Men always say that sex isn’t just about sex. It’s also about feeling loved and connected. Is it so hard for you to imagine that a man could be content with feeling loved and connected in other ways, and that can be enough without resorting to infidelity or divorce?

It really is taboo for a man to say sex isn’t his primary priority. We live in a culture where a man’s worth is based on how much they get paid and how much they get laid. So you aren’t going to hear a lot of men say “my wife doesn’t want to have sex with me and I have accepted that and found happiness in our marriage.”

Man here, you are missing something in your analysis.

For the vast majority of men, our love language is physical touch which involves sex. So even though my wife does a lot of things that make me feel loved, nothing can replace sex and I feel unloved when that falls away. It's just how I'm wired and I am not unique

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t heard of an open marriage like one you’re describing work. I have heard of many working when there is open communication, boundaries, and a big effort to sustain and nurture the marriage.

I’ve never heard of a sexless marriage like OPs work.

Your point?

(But as a counterpoint to whatever you’re trying to say: I have heard of it working)

+1, I know several people in this exact marriage who are doing well. Their marriages are about the kids, companionship, shared financial goals, maybe some shared hobbies. Even when one partner would like to be having some sex, it can work, as long as that other stuff is a much higher priority to them. Sure, you could leave the marriage and have a lot more sex. But if it would mean losing your co-parent, best friend, person who knows you better than anyone, and sacrificing your finances... it's not worth it.

For some reason it is taboo in our culture to admit that sex is not your main priority in a long-term relationship. But for a lot of people it isn't. This is consider a tragedy but to me the real tragedy is someone who would break up a family and 10+ year marriage, and jeopardize their retirement and financial security (as well as that of their kids) just for sex. That's crazy to me, and I like sex. I might not be in a sexless marriage, but my sex life doesn't crack the top 5 of the reasons I value my marriage at this point. It's a nice bonus but very far from the reason I'm here.

Yes, but are you a man or a woman? I'm guessing the latter.

She is a woman.

Although as a man, I tend to agree with her to a point. It does seem foolish to throw away an otherwise decent marriage for sex but that's why I think discreet affairs are the answer, not divorce

Ok but niw yiure going from sexless marriage to dishonesty which if found out will cause major problems. Open marriage or divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t heard of an open marriage like one you’re describing work. I have heard of many working when there is open communication, boundaries, and a big effort to sustain and nurture the marriage.

I’ve never heard of a sexless marriage like OPs work.

Your point?

(But as a counterpoint to whatever you’re trying to say: I have heard of it working)

+1, I know several people in this exact marriage who are doing well. Their marriages are about the kids, companionship, shared financial goals, maybe some shared hobbies. Even when one partner would like to be having some sex, it can work, as long as that other stuff is a much higher priority to them. Sure, you could leave the marriage and have a lot more sex. But if it would mean losing your co-parent, best friend, person who knows you better than anyone, and sacrificing your finances... it's not worth it.

For some reason it is taboo in our culture to admit that sex is not your main priority in a long-term relationship. But for a lot of people it isn't. This is consider a tragedy but to me the real tragedy is someone who would break up a family and 10+ year marriage, and jeopardize their retirement and financial security (as well as that of their kids) just for sex. That's crazy to me, and I like sex. I might not be in a sexless marriage, but my sex life doesn't crack the top 5 of the reasons I value my marriage at this point. It's a nice bonus but very far from the reason I'm here.

Yes, but are you a man or a woman? I'm guessing the latter.

She is a woman.

Although as a man, I tend to agree with her to a point. It does seem foolish to throw away an otherwise decent marriage for sex but that's why I think discreet affairs are the answer, not divorce

Ok but niw yiure going from sexless marriage to dishonesty which if found out will cause major problems. Open marriage or divorce.

Open marriages almost always lead to divorce. Sexless marriages often lead to divorce and the ones that stay married have loads of resentment. Undiscovered affairs can save a marriage, with emphasis on undiscovered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t heard of an open marriage like one you’re describing work. I have heard of many working when there is open communication, boundaries, and a big effort to sustain and nurture the marriage.

I’ve never heard of a sexless marriage like OPs work.

Your point?

(But as a counterpoint to whatever you’re trying to say: I have heard of it working)

+1, I know several people in this exact marriage who are doing well. Their marriages are about the kids, companionship, shared financial goals, maybe some shared hobbies. Even when one partner would like to be having some sex, it can work, as long as that other stuff is a much higher priority to them. Sure, you could leave the marriage and have a lot more sex. But if it would mean losing your co-parent, best friend, person who knows you better than anyone, and sacrificing your finances... it's not worth it.

For some reason it is taboo in our culture to admit that sex is not your main priority in a long-term relationship. But for a lot of people it isn't. This is consider a tragedy but to me the real tragedy is someone who would break up a family and 10+ year marriage, and jeopardize their retirement and financial security (as well as that of their kids) just for sex. That's crazy to me, and I like sex. I might not be in a sexless marriage, but my sex life doesn't crack the top 5 of the reasons I value my marriage at this point. It's a nice bonus but very far from the reason I'm here.

Yes, but are you a man or a woman? I'm guessing the latter.

Men always say that sex isn’t just about sex. It’s also about feeling loved and connected. Is it so hard for you to imagine that a man could be content with feeling loved and connected in other ways, and that can be enough without resorting to infidelity or divorce?

It really is taboo for a man to say sex isn’t his primary priority. We live in a culture where a man’s worth is based on how much they get paid and how much they get laid. So you aren’t going to hear a lot of men say “my wife doesn’t want to have sex with me and I have accepted that and found happiness in our marriage.”

Man here, you are missing something in your analysis.

For the vast majority of men, our love language is physical touch which involves sex. So even though my wife does a lot of things that make me feel loved, nothing can replace sex and I feel unloved when that falls away. It's just how I'm wired and I am not unique

I'm a woman and I feel this 100%. It's a huge rejection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was but it was open for me at my wife's insistence. I really don't want to go into the details but it worked remarkably well but only because of her and her love for me. I doubt I could have handled if the situation was reversed.

Past tense? What happened?

I'll let you speculate but we were married till the end.

Why use the word "speculate?" I was just asking a question.

I'm sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

he will be open to it until he realizes he can't get ass. open marriages are for good looking men with money.

[Anonymous]

As others have pointed out the success rate for open marriages is lower than for conventional monogamous marriages. This data point may not be as informative as it seems. Is the lower success rate due to the open marriage or the type of people/relationships who try open marriages? Most likely, people who are content with monogamy don't consider open marriages. So comparing the divorce rate for monogamous people to those in open marriages is not very informative. These are two different types of people/relationships.

You want to compare the success rate for open marriages to the success rate of monogamous marriages where both people are unhappy with monogamy due to a sexless marriage, boredom, etc.

Someone mentioned that some sexless marriages succeed. No doubt that is true. But how successful are sexless marriages when it is not mutually agreed upon and there is not a good reason (e.g. health problems).

What's the divorce rate for marriages where one person unilaterally decides to stop having sex and the other partner is not happy with this decision? I don't know, but I wouldn't be surprised if the rates were similar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:he will be open to it until he realizes he can't get ass. open marriages are for good looking men with money.

Less of the problem if they woman isn’t looking.

[Anonymous]

Most people in the dating pool don't want anything to do with you open married people. You're only good for FWB or other kinks, nothing serious, casual sex, rebound sex etc. It will also become completely one sided when the woman has her choice of guys and the man can't get a date. But go ahead and do it, report back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^ The “low success rate” of an open marriage is actually waaay higher than their status quo of sexless (which has a 100% failure rate).

You keep saying that. But it isn’t true. You have no stats. No anecdotal evidence either. And it makes no sense based on the number of folks actually IN sexless marriages. Even one in this thread!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was but it was open for me at my wife's insistence. I really don't want to go into the details but it worked remarkably well but only because of her and her love for me. I doubt I could have handled if the situation was reversed.

Past tense? What happened?

I'll let you speculate but we were married till the end.

Wow, that’s heavy. Hope you’re doing ok.

Thank you. I appreciate the kind words. Fk cancer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was but it was open for me at my wife's insistence. I really don't want to go into the details but it worked remarkably well but only because of her and her love for me. I doubt I could have handled if the situation was reversed.

Past tense? What happened?

I'll let you speculate but we were married till the end.

Why use the word "speculate?" I was just asking a question.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Thank you. I just don't want to give details and, it's not my thread.