Husband left two-year-old twins home alone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP be grateful they are both alive and in one piece. I saw a documentary where 2 yr old twins were crushed to death while climbing on some drawers in their bedroom while everyone was downstairs. Both dead. Get over it.

Well, this could have been her children, no thanks to her husband. So no, I don’t think she needs to get over it. Your story makes this all worse, not better.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP here. this is not the first time. When eldest was six months old he left the then infant alone in the baby bathtub because I had just been in the bathroom and he thought I was paying attention to what he was doing. I wasn't. I walked in to find baby fully submerged. Grabbed her and spent the next 24 hours watching her every move to make sure she was okay. She was fine but I almost left him then.

That doesn’t make sense.

And your propensity to catastrophize and go straight to “I’m leaving you” is a serious character flaw. Both of these are miscommunications and you bear some responsibility in them. But if it’s easier for you to fly into a rage and blast your husband, that isn’t fixing the problem — that’s fixing the blame. And it won’t actually fix anything.

Nice way to deflect that he almost drowned the kid. Johnny Depp, is that you?

DP. And I agree with PP (and hate JD for whatever that is worth). Two absentminded incidents for someone with children under 5 is not a reason to divorce, unless the husband is constantly doing stuff like this and not seeing it as a problem. Flying into a rage and threatening divorce is, IMO, something that should never be done. Ever, unless perhaps you have literally walked in on them cheating on you or something.

Almost drowning your infant and leaving two toddlers alone in the house aren't minor incidents. I would seriously consider divorce but I wouldn't want my kids with him half the time. There's something wrong with this man.

Tell me you don't understand ADD without telling me you don't understand ADD. I love my kids and am a very present parent and can see myself doing both of these things if I didn't have a bunch of systems in place to stop my mind from wandering away.

Then you need to adjust your meds or you shouldn't be alone with your kids. Or frankly shouldn't have had them to begin with.

+1. OP’s H needs to get it together and figure out his systems. He’s going to kill his kids.

My ADHD H tried to pull the whole “you don’t understand, I need help” thing with me and I made it very clear his defects are his problem, not mine. Like, no, I’m not going to take my own time to make you calendar with chores, cooking days, recipes, and ingredient lists. Figure your sh!t out or leave.

Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. this is not the first time. When eldest was six months old he left the then infant alone in the baby bathtub because I had just been in the bathroom and he thought I was paying attention to what he was doing. I wasn't. I walked in to find baby fully submerged. Grabbed her and spent the next 24 hours watching her every move to make sure she was okay. She was fine but I almost left him then.

That doesn’t make sense.

And your propensity to catastrophize and go straight to “I’m leaving you” is a serious character flaw. Both of these are miscommunications and you bear some responsibility in them. But if it’s easier for you to fly into a rage and blast your husband, that isn’t fixing the problem — that’s fixing the blame. And it won’t actually fix anything.

Nice way to deflect that he almost drowned the kid. Johnny Depp, is that you?

DP. And I agree with PP (and hate JD for whatever that is worth). Two absentminded incidents for someone with children under 5 is not a reason to divorce, unless the husband is constantly doing stuff like this and not seeing it as a problem. Flying into a rage and threatening divorce is, IMO, something that should never be done. Ever, unless perhaps you have literally walked in on them cheating on you or something.

Almost drowning your infant and leaving two toddlers alone in the house aren't minor incidents. I would seriously consider divorce but I wouldn't want my kids with him half the time. There's something wrong with this man.

Tell me you don't understand ADD without telling me you don't understand ADD. I love my kids and am a very present parent and can see myself doing both of these things if I didn't have a bunch of systems in place to stop my mind from wandering away.

Then you need to adjust your meds or you shouldn't be alone with your kids. Or frankly shouldn't have had them to begin with.

+1. OP’s H needs to get it together and figure out his systems. He’s going to kill his kids.

My ADHD H tried to pull the whole “you don’t understand, I need help” thing with me and I made it very clear his defects are his problem, not mine. Like, no, I’m not going to take my own time to make you calendar with chores, cooking days, recipes, and ingredient lists. Figure your sh!t out or leave.

NP here. I have ADHD also, am medicated, and have a TON of to-do lists (and am on deadline right now for work but of course on DCUM instead) and agree with that statement! If your DH had a physical disability he would have spent a lifetime developing strategies and workarounds to compensate and help him go through life. ADHD is the same. What did he do before he met you?

[Anonymous]

If you divorced then he knows with certaintity he is the one responsible when they are in his care. Currently if something happens, it looks like he will pin it on you saying you were the one responsible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. this is not the first time. When eldest was six months old he left the then infant alone in the baby bathtub because I had just been in the bathroom and he thought I was paying attention to what he was doing. I wasn't. I walked in to find baby fully submerged. Grabbed her and spent the next 24 hours watching her every move to make sure she was okay. She was fine but I almost left him then.

Wait, this happened before and you didn’t communicate to your partner that you were leaving the house to pick up another child when there were other children in the house? Just as much your fault as his. Your reaction is absolutely uncalled for and you both need therapy to address communication.

+1 not his fault, this is on you op. Never ever leave a home with children in it without talking to another adult first.

[Anonymous]

Just get a nanny or mother’s helper, which is cheaper than divorce and healthier for your relationship. You should be on DH’s team even when he messes up. Divorce won’t fix your problems in the least; in fact, like the ancient hydra, you will cut one head off and find 3 more in its place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you two spoken about it yet? How did he react? Has anything like this ever happened before? Need more info...

Yes. I once lost my preschooler in the wilderness for an hour. I screwed up, I knew I screwed up, my wife knew I screwed up, etc. Was she angry? Of course. Did she consider divorce? Of course not.

I have also made a few parenting mistakes that, if literally everything went wrong, would have been catastrophic. I still cringe when I think about it years later. I think most of us have been there. It’s hard to always make the exact right decision 100% of the time. Kids wear you down mentally as well as physically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. this is not the first time. When eldest was six months old he left the then infant alone in the baby bathtub because I had just been in the bathroom and he thought I was paying attention to what he was doing. I wasn't. I walked in to find baby fully submerged. Grabbed her and spent the next 24 hours watching her every move to make sure she was okay. She was fine but I almost left him then.

Wait, this happened before and you didn’t communicate to your partner that you were leaving the house to pick up another child when there were other children in the house? Just as much your fault as his. Your reaction is absolutely uncalled for and you both need therapy to address communication.

+1 not his fault, this is on you op. Never ever leave a home with children in it without talking to another adult first.

But it IS his fault. The OP was already gone, and DH left the house while she was out. SO DH should have been the one to check in with the other parent before he went out, according to your logic.

[Anonymous]

My brother and his wife accidently left one of their kids at a bowling alley after a birthday party (not in this area). They took two cars, and each though the other had kid B. They both were charged with child neglect and had to take parenting classes. They are decent parents, but obviously are terrible at communication.

You both have to come to the table to resolve your communication issues here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IMO, you're overreacting. The kids were not harmed. He made a mistake thinking you were in the house. If it happens again, then I would get upset.

Even if she was in the house why would you leave two 2-year-olds roaming around alone without checking with the person behind a locked door?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. this is not the first time. When eldest was six months old he left the then infant alone in the baby bathtub because I had just been in the bathroom and he thought I was paying attention to what he was doing. I wasn't. I walked in to find baby fully submerged. Grabbed her and spent the next 24 hours watching her every move to make sure she was okay. She was fine but I almost left him then.

Wait, this happened before and you didn’t communicate to your partner that you were leaving the house to pick up another child when there were other children in the house? Just as much your fault as his. Your reaction is absolutely uncalled for and you both need therapy to address communication.

+1 not his fault, this is on you op. Never ever leave a home with children in it without talking to another adult first.

But it IS his fault. The OP was already gone, and DH left the house while she was out. SO DH should have been the one to check in with the other parent before he went out, according to your logic.

OP left first without communicating this knowing that other children were in the house, it’s her fault not his

[Anonymous]

It's awesome this happened and twins were okay. Imagine if they weren't? But luckily, husband learned a lesson when kids were fine. Lesson is to double check you are home. People mess up. It's okay this time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:If you have never made a single mistake (that was a true boneheaded error…not a willful doing wrong) than sure divorce.

(He should consider divorcing such an emotional teapot though)

I've made lots of mistakes as a parent, none have involved drowning or toddlers left alone in a house. Wtf kind of mistakes are YOU making?

I once drove home and realized I hadn't buckled my infant into her carseat. I have gotten distracted in a store and lost a toddler for a couple minutes in the aisles. I've left the gas stove on both lit an unlit for periods of time that were too lengthy. I've turned my back on a tub and had a child go under (for just a second but still). None of these are things I am proud of, they are things I learned from, but they also don't make me a horrible parent. Just a human being who is not error proof. And I'm the mom.

If I were a dad, I'd divorce you and seek full custody. Not okay. No exceptions. This is negligent. And I am a woman.

[Anonymous]

This plus the near-drowning incident would have me in a rage too. Ignore the crazy posters, OP. I’d talk to him calmly but also go see a marriage counselor to work on communication and see if they have strategies or recs for this.

This is 100% not your fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. this is not the first time. When eldest was six months old he left the then infant alone in the baby bathtub because I had just been in the bathroom and he thought I was paying attention to what he was doing. I wasn't. I walked in to find baby fully submerged. Grabbed her and spent the next 24 hours watching her every move to make sure she was okay. She was fine but I almost left him then.

Wait, this happened before and you didn’t communicate to your partner that you were leaving the house to pick up another child when there were other children in the house? Just as much your fault as his. Your reaction is absolutely uncalled for and you both need therapy to address communication.

+1 not his fault, this is on you op. Never ever leave a home with children in it without talking to another adult first.

But it IS his fault. The OP was already gone, and DH left the house while she was out. SO DH should have been the one to check in with the other parent before he went out, according to your logic.

OP left first without communicating this knowing that other children were in the house, it’s her fault not his

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