Where have we gone wrong, and how to do better going forward?

[Anonymous]

What you're describing sounds a lot like our older kid, and he was diagnosed with high-functioning autism when he was a little older than yours. It could be that or the ADHD (similar in some ways), plus the anxiety. These diagnoses can cause inflexibility and rigidity and generally make life really hard for the whole family.

If you have anxiety, it sounds like it is feeding into a feeling that you are supposed to be perfect and resolve all these problems. It's okay if you feel the way you do, and you do not need to "fix" everything. Also, some kids (especially those with diagnoses like this) ARE really grumpy and not a lot of fun to be around. Are you getting the help and support in terms of therapy, meds, etc, for your kid(s)? That could make a big difference.

But also, it can be miserable parenting kids like this. Check out the SN forum, and there was recently a discussion about how hard it is having ASD kids. It is not like having neurotypical kids, and especially for someone with anxiety (I do, too), it can be super hard not to beat yourself up and worry about what you should be doing or didn't do.