Thank you, DCUM: parents and ILs weird with food

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are these people that limit food? I don’t think I am sheltered, but I don’t know anyone like this.

My MIL was like this, whereas my mom tries to get guests to eat constantly throughout the day and night.

Could be a cultural thing. MIL grew up rural, farmers, Midwesterner, grew and raised most of their own food. My mom grew up in a city, community of European immigrants. My dad says her relatives have always been like that. Both MIL and my own mom grew up pretty poor.

No I don’t think it’s a rural or city thing as plenty of women from both types of backgrounds do this. I think it’s a generational thing. Many of these women grew up with crash diets, smoking and restricting food during pregnancy, and Twiggy and Audrey Hepburn as ideals.

Yes, and they are trying to shame and "help" their DILs lose weight.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s an age thing. As people age they are less hungry and assume (incorrectly) that others are less hungry too. My in-laws are not we weird about restricting food, but have just become terrible at judging portions.

Like they will make 2 small cans of tuna fish for 6 people to make sandwiches with. Or one spaghetti night will make a 1/2 box of pasta. I’ve learned this so I send DH in to have them make more.

[Anonymous]

My SIL is in her early 40’s and from a hospitable culture but she has those issues too. Her kids are used to dinner being delayed or lunch being skipped but it irks me.
We were once together with her and my nephews on an international flight that was to depart from a new terminal. I got myself and my son some food beforehand and asked her if she wanted to do the same in case the new terminal doesn’t have food yet. Well she told me that she had a “different attitude to food”… lol they had to live off snacks and mediocre airplane food…

[Anonymous]

My MIL stocks 100 calorie snack packs and offers one or two to my DS, a 6 foot, 180 lb. athlete or sometimes puts maybe 6 in a bowl for him so he can grab a snack whenever he wants!

[Anonymous]

I once started WW3 by sending DH to Panera for sandwiches when MIL insisted we didn’t need to eat anything between the “big brunch” (actually a few teaspoons of scrambled eggs and one sausage link at 9am) and dinner which is always something like 1/4 plain baked chicken breast, 4 green beans, and 2 button mushrooms per person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are these people that limit food? I don’t think I am sheltered, but I don’t know anyone like this.

You must understand that the appliances have a sheen, a sheen, you see, and the vile fingerprints are disgusting. Don't even get me started on the crumbs! I have a tidy kitchen, and it closes at 7:53am. That's plenty of time to get your food in for the day. If your gross gaping maws have to be crammed full of bestial ug gross food all day, you can take a thin wedge of pear and eat it on the back steps.

Of course, the wrong side of the family waddles on down to the Burger King down the street for this "lunch" business, but we don't speak of that in polite, refined, emaciated company.

(I wish I were joking. Google "DCUM" and "Burger King Lady.")

Are you characterizing my MIL? "Lunch" is a gross, weak, trashy thing that poors and people with no self-discipline indulge in.

Ha yes I know old women who all think lunch is “piggish”

[Anonymous]

“Kitchen is closed” was a thing in my house growing up, but what my parents meant by it was that they were done cooking and cleaning in the kitchen for the day (or until the next mealtime) so if you made yourself a snack you better not leave any evidence.

[Anonymous]

Alas, that is not the way the term is used in those posts here. It's quite disturbing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s an age thing. As people age they are less hungry and assume (incorrectly) that others are less hungry too. My in-laws are not we weird about restricting food, but have just become terrible at judging portions.

Like they will make 2 small cans of tuna fish for 6 people to make sandwiches with. Or one spaghetti night will make a 1/2 box of pasta. I’ve learned this so I send DH in to have them make more.

Yes, I think that's a lot of it. Also, I think they forget how hard it is to essentially cater a small party for three days. My MIL wants to be the one to fix all the food and serve it to us, but then once she finishes making pancakes for 6 people she's too exhausted to make eggs, bacon, etc. But she doesn't want help because she thinks that's being a bad host. (And you know FIL ain't helping! LOL) So breakfast ends up being one or two pancakes. Rinse, repeat for lunch and dinner.

We do beach house rental with them + SILs family every summer and it's fine bc everyone grocery shops separately, but then all food is community food and people just help themselves to whatever is in the fridge all week.

It would be much easier for all if she would just say the grocery store is right down the street, go buy what you need and let me know how to help you fix it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Kitchen is closed” was a thing in my house growing up, but what my parents meant by it was that they were done cooking and cleaning in the kitchen for the day (or until the next mealtime) so if you made yourself a snack you better not leave any evidence.

I get this, especially if you like to keep a clean kitchen. But why can’t the folks with the weird parents-in-laws just bring grocery bags of snacks and even a cooler with food? We have food allergies so we’re always bringing food anyway. You know the crazy rules where you’re staying so just bypass them!

[Anonymous]

My MIL tried to split a 100 calorie can of soup with me for lunch when I was breastfeeding a newborn (eating 3-4000 calories a day and losing weight).

That was hilarious. I asked for my own can and also had a sandwich and a banana. She sat and daintily ate her vegetable soup and saved the other half for another day.

[Anonymous]

BEST.THREAD.EVER. This is a personal favorite of mine to read.

DH and I always planned to split a massive hogie before we went to ILs' house and we eat again on the way out of town. We never stayed at their house and knew it was going to be crazy like some of the other posters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Kitchen is closed” was a thing in my house growing up, but what my parents meant by it was that they were done cooking and cleaning in the kitchen for the day (or until the next mealtime) so if you made yourself a snack you better not leave any evidence.

I get this, especially if you like to keep a clean kitchen. But why can’t the folks with the weird parents-in-laws just bring grocery bags of snacks and even a cooler with food? We have food allergies so we’re always bringing food anyway. You know the crazy rules where you’re staying so just bypass them!

I'll say this gently -- please grant the respect to understand that people have tried this. They didn't just sit there and expect food to be brought to their mouths for them. These are deeply food disordered settings, and there is some sort of high energy charge some people get from controlling the food choices of others. It is really, really weird.

If you really want the question answered, IIRC, the "No one eats in this house" thread linked earlier would be enlightening.

[Anonymous]

I’m the PP who posted this: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/15/1023064.page

It makes a big difference to just KNOW this is a thing associated with aging and it isn’t personal. That being said, my MIL is weird about food even when I knew her 15 years ago, and so are her kids. I am hoping I’ve broken my husband of that, but sometimes it rears it’s head. Nevertheless, I continued to do groceries and continued to deal with a litany of “comments” about how much my family eats and how I was crowding her fridge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since we are talking about eating practices in families,

Does anyone in your family eat half a banana or does everyone eat a whole one? In my family, we always had a half a banana unless the bananas were small. My BIL and DH say that the only people they know who eat half a banana are my sister, our Dad and me. For my family, it is usually put on cereal.

So, are you a half a banana family or a whole one?

If I'm putting one on oatmeal, I usually eat half. But if I'm just having a banana as a snack, I eat the whole banana.

I usually give my kids only 1/2 of a big banana because otherwise it constipates them. Found this out through much trial and error. If it's a small banana they can have the whole thing without a problem.

Yeah I usually split a giant one between my two toddlers for this reason.

If we're having cereal I'll slice one banana across two cereals. But whole ones for snacks. Didn't know they constipate-- I think of all fruit as fiber.