Thank you, DCUM: parents and ILs weird with food

[Anonymous]

I think it's maybe a perfect storm of age, upbringing and current situation. I could see my parents devolving into this. They are super-generous FEED YOU types, and make everyone feel at home, kitchen is your kitchen.

But they also have a really bad fear of wasting food, thanks to growing up just post depression, when things were scarce and you did not waste food.

So now they are older and they eat much much less, I can see that they kind of don't want food in their house because they feel obligated to eat it and not waste anything. There's a deep anxiety about this and my mom will eat a bit of something until it's gone. But if we bought a big ham over I think she'd freak that she'd be eating it forever!

So maybe this is the angle to explore? Fear of waste = a devolution into not wanting to deal with food at all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't figure out what the common denominator is. My mom is Polish and she always makes sure there is way too much food when she has guests. Her sister is obviously from the same family and people starve at her house (wasp husband though). My aunt is Mexican and she will invite people over for burgers and have literally nothing else. Dozens of burgers but no side dishes, drinks or dessert. We know now to bring our own but it was never spelled out.

Instead of "bringing your own" why not bring a dish to share? Kind of like a potluck? Your aunt is providing the main course and she'd like each guest to bring a side dish or dessert to share.

Then she should use her words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't figure out what the common denominator is. My mom is Polish and she always makes sure there is way too much food when she has guests. Her sister is obviously from the same family and people starve at her house (wasp husband though). My aunt is Mexican and she will invite people over for burgers and have literally nothing else. Dozens of burgers but no side dishes, drinks or dessert. We know now to bring our own but it was never spelled out.

Instead of "bringing your own" why not bring a dish to share? Kind of like a potluck? Your aunt is providing the main course and she'd like each guest to bring a side dish or dessert to share.

Then she should use her words.

Yeah, people don't bring dishes to a meal at someone else's house unless the host specifically requests it. It would be weird and kind of rude to do so unasked.

[Anonymous]

After we have driven 11-12 hours, we arrive at ILs and to a meal I can’t eat due to known allergies. This has happened at least twice. The most recent time, when I was told I could eat crackers for dinner, I used canned soup I had brought with me. I microwaved it and had my meal ready in four min. I never said a word.

How does MIL think crackers and hummus would be a meal for me?

At least she doesn’t complain that I bring my own food.

[Anonymous]

So it’s decided this is a WASP thing? I am white American but catholic (Irish/Eastern European) and if I don’t pack up enough leftovers to feed a small army after guests eat at my house I’ll be haunted for weeks that I didn’t make enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So it’s decided this is a WASP thing? I am white American but catholic (Irish/Eastern European) and if I don’t pack up enough leftovers to feed a small army after guests eat at my house I’ll be haunted for weeks that I didn’t make enough.

No,my in laws are not wasps and they’ve gotten more and more like this even though they used to be different. I think it’s an age thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So it’s decided this is a WASP thing? I am white American but catholic (Irish/Eastern European) and if I don’t pack up enough leftovers to feed a small army after guests eat at my house I’ll be haunted for weeks that I didn’t make enough.

Yes. My old school WASP grandmother even had an expression- FHB for "family hold back" even when there were no guests. She just didn't want people to eat that much.

[Anonymous]

My Jewish father is like this. His refrigerator is almost empty but for flat bottles of seltzer, mustard, olives and wonder bread. He will proudly announce that he picked up a 4 pack of yogurts for my family (of 5 for a multi-day visit). He comments/critiques when I run out for coffee and milk the first morning I am there, he decrees no lunch for all and then when my family eats granola bars and nut packs that I packed from home because we are starving, he comments how sugary and calorie heavy they are. He also comments on people’s weight all the time (loudly).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are these people that limit food? I don’t think I am sheltered, but I don’t know anyone like this.

I think its an age thing. My parents weren't like that growing up but I hear from others who visit/stay with them that they pull that kind of stuff. I had to rescue one cousin who was starving.

I totally remember visiting my grandparents as a kid and "dinner" was at 1pm and we were told that b/c it was the "main meal" that anything after that would be super small/light. I was always hungry in the evening s and then they would give us grief for being hungry. Weirdos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's maybe a perfect storm of age, upbringing and current situation. I could see my parents devolving into this. They are super-generous FEED YOU types, and make everyone feel at home, kitchen is your kitchen.

But they also have a really bad fear of wasting food, thanks to growing up just post depression, when things were scarce and you did not waste food.

So now they are older and they eat much much less, I can see that they kind of don't want food in their house because they feel obligated to eat it and not waste anything. There's a deep anxiety about this and my mom will eat a bit of something until it's gone. But if we bought a big ham over I think she'd freak that she'd be eating it forever!

So maybe this is the angle to explore? Fear of waste = a devolution into not wanting to deal with food at all?

I think it is combination of this and just how obese so many people are in general. I’m a nurse and the very old ladies are always commenting and asking me why so many nurses are fat. They are appalled. They grew up in a generation where you don’t waste food but you also don’t let yourself get overweight

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How does MIL think crackers and hummus would be a meal for me?

Not that it's reasonable for you, but my 70-something parents got in the habit of eating crackers and hummus (or something similar) frequently for dinner. And since it's enough for them, with reduced appetites as they've aged, they think of it as dinner. I think age makes them less likely to make the connection that what works for older people with small appetites is not sufficient for younger adults and kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's maybe a perfect storm of age, upbringing and current situation. I could see my parents devolving into this. They are super-generous FEED YOU types, and make everyone feel at home, kitchen is your kitchen.

But they also have a really bad fear of wasting food, thanks to growing up just post depression, when things were scarce and you did not waste food.

So now they are older and they eat much much less, I can see that they kind of don't want food in their house because they feel obligated to eat it and not waste anything. There's a deep anxiety about this and my mom will eat a bit of something until it's gone. But if we bought a big ham over I think she'd freak that she'd be eating it forever!

So maybe this is the angle to explore? Fear of waste = a devolution into not wanting to deal with food at all?

I think it is combination of this and just how obese so many people are in general. I’m a nurse and the very old ladies are always commenting and asking me why so many nurses are fat. They are appalled. They grew up in a generation where you don’t waste food but you also don’t let yourself get overweight

Yes, the generation of cigarettes and uppers as weight management. Way better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's maybe a perfect storm of age, upbringing and current situation. I could see my parents devolving into this. They are super-generous FEED YOU types, and make everyone feel at home, kitchen is your kitchen.

But they also have a really bad fear of wasting food, thanks to growing up just post depression, when things were scarce and you did not waste food.

So now they are older and they eat much much less, I can see that they kind of don't want food in their house because they feel obligated to eat it and not waste anything. There's a deep anxiety about this and my mom will eat a bit of something until it's gone. But if we bought a big ham over I think she'd freak that she'd be eating it forever!

So maybe this is the angle to explore? Fear of waste = a devolution into not wanting to deal with food at all?

I think it is combination of this and just how obese so many people are in general. I’m a nurse and the very old ladies are always commenting and asking me why so many nurses are fat. They are appalled. They grew up in a generation where you don’t waste food but you also don’t let yourself get overweight

Yes, the generation of cigarettes and uppers as weight management. Way better.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m glad our generation is finally the one to stop food weirdness.

This has to be one of the funniest and most ironic posts I've ever read on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are these people that limit food? I don’t think I am sheltered, but I don’t know anyone like this.

I think its an age thing. My parents weren't like that growing up but I hear from others who visit/stay with them that they pull that kind of stuff. I had to rescue one cousin who was starving.

I totally remember visiting my grandparents as a kid and "dinner" was at 1pm and we were told that b/c it was the "main meal" that anything after that would be super small/light. I was always hungry in the evening s and then they would give us grief for being hungry. Weirdos.

Are your grandparents from the south or from a farming community? My grandmother would feed dinner at 3pm but we also had a supper around 7pm. Supper was usually biscuits and ham or something near pies or something. It's because she grew up on a farm where everyone was still working but hungry at 3.