SFS, StA, GDS, Maret, & Potomac--best choice for underachieving, high-IQ kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The discouragement is appalling.

I haven’t replied to this thread, but to me the warning signs are that OP wants to put her kid in a pressure-cooker environment when he already has severe anxiety. And she knows that he will need extensive tutoring to survive. Wouldn’t it be better for the kid to be in a more chill environment where he can be proud of what he did himself?

+1. OP said that her kid is now being treated for anxiety which is why she wants to see how he does now that he is medicated. Generally, treatment for anxiety isn’t just “done” and the patients goes about their merry way. Stress can make it worse. Kids generally need many medication adjustments due to growth and puberty. It usually gets worse in adolescence before it gets better. Putting her kid into a high stress environment isn’t going to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are focusing too much on homework. My kids are at one of the mentioned schools, and 6th grade barely had any homework. They also don’t want you using tutors. They teach the kids and work with them to learn the skills needs to be successful. Those skills include managing homework, learning executive functioning skills, what works for them as far as homework organization and spacing out, etc. A tutor is just going to act as a crutch and allow your child to evade learning these skills. The school will work with him to identify his weaknesses and improve. A tutor will be counter productive in the long run

Wish our school would say this or realize how much tutoring is going on before 9 thing grade. Partly driven by poor foundational teaching or curriculum. Just skips right to word problems and never did spelling, grammar, math facts or tables. Even social studies is in helter skelter order not chronological for a topic like immigration. Only the top students or ones with tutors or tutor parents are cohesively putting anything together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having had kids at STA and Potomac - this is the kid that won’t get past 8th if they do take him for 6th. Those anxiety levels at this young of an age is going to get him counseled out before highschool. He needs a more chill place, not one of the most intense schools in the country. OP this kid would be better off mentally at field, burke, St. Andrews and the like. Schools that have their own component of brilliant intense students but it’s not the whole school. Allows him room to seek the level that works for him.

I have a son with applications in at STA and Potomac. Live in Virginia and really like both schools. But STA seems like a lot of attention is paid to the students. Study halls, teachers seemed to really helpful. I only did a tour and talked to admissions, but from what I’ve seen and heard I’d think her kid would be okay at least at STA. Obviously some of you know more than I.

Don’t they work with the boys with executive functioning? Where do you think her son will have the most trouble?

No. STA is less accommodating than Potomac. To STA executive functioning issues means typical boys being unorganized. It doesn’t mean kids who have diagnosed executive function disorder. Teachers are great and study hall is a plus but that’s it. Bottom line is none of these top schools is a healthy place for a kid with serious differences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having had kids at STA and Potomac - this is the kid that won’t get past 8th if they do take him for 6th. Those anxiety levels at this young of an age is going to get him counseled out before highschool. He needs a more chill place, not one of the most intense schools in the country. OP this kid would be better off mentally at field, burke, St. Andrews and the like. Schools that have their own component of brilliant intense students but it’s not the whole school. Allows him room to seek the level that works for him.

I have a son with applications in at STA and Potomac. Live in Virginia and really like both schools. But STA seems like a lot of attention is paid to the students. Study halls, teachers seemed to really helpful. I only did a tour and talked to admissions, but from what I’ve seen and heard I’d think her kid would be okay at least at STA. Obviously some of you know more than I.

Don’t they work with the boys with executive functioning? Where do you think her son will have the most trouble?

No. STA is less accommodating than Potomac. To STA executive functioning issues means typical boys being unorganized. It doesn’t mean kids who have diagnosed executive function disorder. Teachers are great and study hall is a plus but that’s it. Bottom line is none of these top schools is a healthy place for a kid with serious differences.

Right! It’s common for boys to be unorganized.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an outside observer, it sounds like OP feels entitled to a school she feels is elite because she has money and connections. She wishes she had the kid to match. She knows her kid is not the right fit and is willing to throw money and magical thinking at the issues to rewrite the narrative to fit her hopes.

I hope she comes around and realizes her child needs to live their best life and she does not need to live vicariously through their achievements.

Just so I’m following. The most elite schools are only for perfect, self motivated students with no mental health differences? And everyone feels a school environment comprised of these perfect students with no obvious struggles is normal, healthy, and desirable? I don’t know. OP’s kid sounded like an awesome kid to me, and if these schools are not open to a child with his potential as well as strengths and weaknesses, then I think they are missing out on a depth of student perspective that could add a lot to a sheltered, homogeneous echo chamber of similar kids.

No one is saying her kid is not awesome. Plenty of awesome kids have challenges of one sort or another. It's the parents' job to nurture them and help them to succeed.

These schools have a certain standard and more more applicants than they have space for, so of course they're going to have their pick. They may even pick OP's kid (or if they don't, sure, it's their loss). However, it's OP's job to evaluate whether sending her kid to one of these places would be a good decision or not, and plenty of people are suggesting it wouldn't be a wise choice.

[Anonymous]

Most replies are correctly focused on the mental health and happiness of OP’s son. It is not about how smart he is. The environment at these schools would be very unhealthy for him. It would be wrong to throw an anxiety ridden kid into any of these schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most replies are correctly focused on the mental health and happiness of OP’s son. It is not about how smart he is. The environment at these schools would be very unhealthy for him. It would be wrong to throw an anxiety ridden kid into any of these schools.

Exactly.And, I am sure OP knows this intuitively.

[Anonymous]

DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT SEND AN UNDERACHIEVING KID WITH ADHD TO GDS. First of all, as had been said, it's incredibly difficult to get into any of the schools you mentioned.
That said:
I have a very high IQ boy with MILD ADHD at GDS and I would not send him there if I had to do it over.

GDS is a pressure cooker. The kids are super smart. There is this image of laid-back kindness, which is true socially and with regard to athletics, but NOT NOT NOT in academics. The kids are very bright and self-motivated. There are very few academic supports. There is very much a sink or swim, parents-stay-out-of-it approach. The kids are acutely aware of who is achieving, and by HS they are super stressed out which college they will go to. An underachieving kid will NOT thrive here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT SEND AN UNDERACHIEVING KID WITH ADHD TO GDS. First of all, as had been said, it's incredibly difficult to get into any of the schools you mentioned.
That said:
I have a very high IQ boy with MILD ADHD at GDS and I would not send him there if I had to do it over.

GDS is a pressure cooker. The kids are super smart. There is this image of laid-back kindness, which is true socially and with regard to athletics, but NOT NOT NOT in academics. The kids are very bright and self-motivated. There are very few academic supports. There is very much a sink or swim, parents-stay-out-of-it approach. The kids are acutely aware of who is achieving, and by HS they are super stressed out which college they will go to. An underachieving kid will NOT thrive here.

I disagree, there are many students there plodding along and no one stresses them out or is stressed about it.
Just like there are kids who avoid drama of all sorts - data drama, girl drama, gender dysphoria drama, grades drama, whining about test scores, etc.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT SEND AN UNDERACHIEVING KID WITH ADHD TO GDS. First of all, as had been said, it's incredibly difficult to get into any of the schools you mentioned.
That said:
I have a very high IQ boy with MILD ADHD at GDS and I would not send him there if I had to do it over.

GDS is a pressure cooker. The kids are super smart. There is this image of laid-back kindness, which is true socially and with regard to athletics, but NOT NOT NOT in academics. The kids are very bright and self-motivated. There are very few academic supports. There is very much a sink or swim, parents-stay-out-of-it approach. The kids are acutely aware of who is achieving, and by HS they are super stressed out which college they will go to. An underachieving kid will NOT thrive here.

Now this I agree with. Anytime we've made an inquiry and wanted to work with the teacher on something - weakness, social issue, bully thing - they consistently tell you to stay out of it and that they got it. Oh and they force the student to ID it and self-advocate during class, regardless of age.

And nothing changes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT SEND AN UNDERACHIEVING KID WITH ADHD TO GDS. First of all, as had been said, it's incredibly difficult to get into any of the schools you mentioned.
That said:
I have a very high IQ boy with MILD ADHD at GDS and I would not send him there if I had to do it over.

GDS is a pressure cooker. The kids are super smart. There is this image of laid-back kindness, which is true socially and with regard to athletics, but NOT NOT NOT in academics. The kids are very bright and self-motivated. There are very few academic supports. There is very much a sink or swim, parents-stay-out-of-it approach. The kids are acutely aware of who is achieving, and by HS they are super stressed out which college they will go to. An underachieving kid will NOT thrive here.

How about a motivated kid that has executive issues? He does well, gets good grades, is engaged and self advocates, but may have slow processing in some areas and gets extra time for it on tests?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT SEND AN UNDERACHIEVING KID WITH ADHD TO GDS. First of all, as had been said, it's incredibly difficult to get into any of the schools you mentioned.
That said:
I have a very high IQ boy with MILD ADHD at GDS and I would not send him there if I had to do it over.

GDS is a pressure cooker. The kids are super smart. There is this image of laid-back kindness, which is true socially and with regard to athletics, but NOT NOT NOT in academics. The kids are very bright and self-motivated. There are very few academic supports. There is very much a sink or swim, parents-stay-out-of-it approach. The kids are acutely aware of who is achieving, and by HS they are super stressed out which college they will go to. An underachieving kid will NOT thrive here.

Now this I agree with. Anytime we've made an inquiry and wanted to work with the teacher on something - weakness, social issue, bully thing - they consistently tell you to stay out of it and that they got it. Oh and they force the student to ID it and self-advocate during class, regardless of age.

And nothing changes.

Makes sense. Have to separate the nipple from their mouths at some point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT SEND AN UNDERACHIEVING KID WITH ADHD TO GDS. First of all, as had been said, it's incredibly difficult to get into any of the schools you mentioned.
That said:
I have a very high IQ boy with MILD ADHD at GDS and I would not send him there if I had to do it over.

GDS is a pressure cooker. The kids are super smart. There is this image of laid-back kindness, which is true socially and with regard to athletics, but NOT NOT NOT in academics. The kids are very bright and self-motivated. There are very few academic supports. There is very much a sink or swim, parents-stay-out-of-it approach. The kids are acutely aware of who is achieving, and by HS they are super stressed out which college they will go to. An underachieving kid will NOT thrive here.

Now this I agree with. Anytime we've made an inquiry and wanted to work with the teacher on something - weakness, social issue, bully thing - they consistently tell you to stay out of it and that they got it. Oh and they force the student to ID it and self-advocate during class, regardless of age.

And nothing changes.

Makes sense. Have to separate the nipple from their mouths at some point.

Exactly. Lower school is a good time to force a sensitive kid who's struggling to deal with this and tell the parents to shove off. They got this. Comply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT SEND AN UNDERACHIEVING KID WITH ADHD TO GDS. First of all, as had been said, it's incredibly difficult to get into any of the schools you mentioned.
That said:
I have a very high IQ boy with MILD ADHD at GDS and I would not send him there if I had to do it over.

GDS is a pressure cooker. The kids are super smart. There is this image of laid-back kindness, which is true socially and with regard to athletics, but NOT NOT NOT in academics. The kids are very bright and self-motivated. There are very few academic supports. There is very much a sink or swim, parents-stay-out-of-it approach. The kids are acutely aware of who is achieving, and by HS they are super stressed out which college they will go to. An underachieving kid will NOT thrive here.

How about a motivated kid that has executive issues? He does well, gets good grades, is engaged and self advocates, but may have slow processing in some areas and gets extra time for it on tests?

If he’s a lifer, he’ll be fine. Just lay low.