SFS, StA, GDS, Maret, & Potomac--best choice for underachieving, high-IQ kid?

[Anonymous]

OP, I have a very similar child and we chose Maret for very similar reasons. So far, it has been very good. Challenging, but engaging and supportive so she is motivated rather than overwhelmed.

[Anonymous]

OP your kid is a normal kid. You’re a pressure cooker. He’s going to probably be fine but you’re just going to cause a lot of stress and heartache for no good reason. You need to be okay with your kid being a regular person even if you are a high achiever. That’s not the only way to add value to the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To clarify some more, on paper he is definitely in the running for one or all of these schools, as much as plenty of accepted students. As for "hooks"... He's coming from a well-regarded private. He has some obvious, stand-out talent. FWIW, we are also full-pay and have "connections."

The ways in which he excels are truly impressive. He's not a lazy, unmotivated, or uninterested kid. He is passionate about learning. For a time, his anxiety got in the way, but it's well treated now. It just hasn't been adequately treated for long enough to know how he'll perform with a lot of work, which would shut him down before he was treated. He is currently doing good work and is not overwhelmed. I still don't know if he has the self-discipline to be a truly good student--only time will tell.

I don't rank the above schools equally for my son or our family--we have been leaning toward Maret and GDS. I'm not one of "those people" who just wants DS in one of the "top schools" independent of fit. As I stated formerly, we applied to a few other schools, but I don't need everyone's opinion on whether he'd do well there--I feel pretty confident he would do well enough.

My fear is that if we're accepted to one/some of these schools and decide not to attend, we will regret it if turns out DS would have done well there, and this might have been his best chance for entry. These schools (except Potomac) also happen to be close to us, which is a definite QoL bonus.

Girl…girl. Come on now.

[Anonymous]

OP, you have a kid who has a history of anxiety and is already medicated for it in 5th grade! At 10-11 years old! That is not typical. Most lower schools at that age are still fun and not very rigorous. Why would you even consider these schools with that history? What is your end goal? Is it worth it to say your kid goes to Sidwell when they have a mental breakdown by 9th or 10th grade?

Just pick a more relaxed school better suited for your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP your kid is a normal kid. You’re a pressure cooker. He’s going to probably be fine but you’re just going to cause a lot of stress and heartache for no good reason. You need to be okay with your kid being a regular person even if you are a high achiever. That’s not the only way to add value to the world.

The kid is not "normal," he is on medication for anxiety at 10-11 years old. That is well beyond the usual nervousness or fear of failure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP your kid is a normal kid. You’re a pressure cooker. He’s going to probably be fine but you’re just going to cause a lot of stress and heartache for no good reason. You need to be okay with your kid being a regular person even if you are a high achiever. That’s not the only way to add value to the world.

The kid is not "normal," he is on medication for anxiety at 10-11 years old. That is well beyond the usual nervousness or fear of failure.

Which is fine, but he needs a suitable environment to thrive. It won't just happen magically by being put in a school full of other super competitive high achievers (and their similarly driven parents pushing them).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP your kid is a normal kid. You’re a pressure cooker. He’s going to probably be fine but you’re just going to cause a lot of stress and heartache for no good reason. You need to be okay with your kid being a regular person even if you are a high achiever. That’s not the only way to add value to the world.

The kid is not "normal," he is on medication for anxiety at 10-11 years old. That is well beyond the usual nervousness or fear of failure.

OP pushed him into treatment for anxiety so that he would “catch fire” academically

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP your kid is a normal kid. You’re a pressure cooker. He’s going to probably be fine but you’re just going to cause a lot of stress and heartache for no good reason. You need to be okay with your kid being a regular person even if you are a high achiever. That’s not the only way to add value to the world.

The kid is not "normal," he is on medication for anxiety at 10-11 years old. That is well beyond the usual nervousness or fear of failure.

OP pushed him into treatment for anxiety so that he would “catch fire” academically

I’m going to guess that you come on here to judge people because all the people in your life are tired of putting up with it or aren’t in your life anymore because of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As an outside observer, it sounds like OP feels entitled to a school she feels is elite because she has money and connections. She wishes she had the kid to match. She knows her kid is not the right fit and is willing to throw money and magical thinking at the issues to rewrite the narrative to fit her hopes.

I hope she comes around and realizes her child needs to live their best life and she does not need to live vicariously through their achievements.

Just so I’m following. The most elite schools are only for perfect, self motivated students with no mental health differences? And everyone feels a school environment comprised of these perfect students with no obvious struggles is normal, healthy, and desirable? I don’t know. OP’s kid sounded like an awesome kid to me, and if these schools are not open to a child with his potential as well as strengths and weaknesses, then I think they are missing out on a depth of student perspective that could add a lot to a sheltered, homogeneous echo chamber of similar kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To clarify some more, on paper he is definitely in the running for one or all of these schools, as much as plenty of accepted students. As for "hooks"... He's coming from a well-regarded private. He has some obvious, stand-out talent. FWIW, we are also full-pay and have "connections.".

I am a little confused by this. On paper would include the teacher recommendations, and the neuropsych. If none of those raise concerns, are you sure he's the one with anxiety, and this isn't a situation where you are demanding perfection from a kid who is doing well?

What is the placement person at your private K-8 saying about his chances?

There is nothing confusing about it. On paper and as far as the schools know, everything is fine. But they as parents know there’s a problem and they’ve been snowplowing this kid through up til now. What they want to know is that as the kids get older and parental involvement decreases, which of the schools will work best for the type of kid that they have. I don’t know what’s so complicated about this.

Effectively they need a school that will be more lenient about late work, where they have multiple tracks for kids gunning for HYPS and those happy with Tulane and they want the environment to be comfortable so if their kid does not excel academically they will not feel bad about themselves.

This is basically GDS and Maret and that’s what most people are recommending.

There have been people posting that STA will give extra time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious if his grades are "pretty good" how does he "on paper [have] as good a shot as any of getting in"? I thought everyone who gets into those schools has straight A's.

I’d say everyone “unhooked” usually has straight As.

Not actually true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To clarify some more, on paper he is definitely in the running for one or all of these schools, as much as plenty of accepted students. As for "hooks"... He's coming from a well-regarded private. He has some obvious, stand-out talent. FWIW, we are also full-pay and have "connections.".

I am a little confused by this. On paper would include the teacher recommendations, and the neuropsych. If none of those raise concerns, are you sure he's the one with anxiety, and this isn't a situation where you are demanding perfection from a kid who is doing well?

What is the placement person at your private K-8 saying about his chances?

There is nothing confusing about it. On paper and as far as the schools know, everything is fine. But they as parents know there’s a problem and they’ve been snowplowing this kid through up til now. What they want to know is that as the kids get older and parental involvement decreases, which of the schools will work best for the type of kid that they have. I don’t know what’s so complicated about this.

Effectively they need a school that will be more lenient about late work, where they have multiple tracks for kids gunning for HYPS and those happy with Tulane and they want the environment to be comfortable so if their kid does not excel academically they will not feel bad about themselves.

This is basically GDS and Maret and that’s what most people are recommending.

There have been people posting that STA will give extra time.

All of the schools do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To clarify some more, on paper he is definitely in the running for one or all of these schools, as much as plenty of accepted students. As for "hooks"... He's coming from a well-regarded private. He has some obvious, stand-out talent. FWIW, we are also full-pay and have "connections.".

I am a little confused by this. On paper would include the teacher recommendations, and the neuropsych. If none of those raise concerns, are you sure he's the one with anxiety, and this isn't a situation where you are demanding perfection from a kid who is doing well?

What is the placement person at your private K-8 saying about his chances?

There is nothing confusing about it. On paper and as far as the schools know, everything is fine. But they as parents know there’s a problem and they’ve been snowplowing this kid through up til now. What they want to know is that as the kids get older and parental involvement decreases, which of the schools will work best for the type of kid that they have. I don’t know what’s so complicated about this.

Effectively they need a school that will be more lenient about late work, where they have multiple tracks for kids gunning for HYPS and those happy with Tulane and they want the environment to be comfortable so if their kid does not excel academically they will not feel bad about themselves.

This is basically GDS and Maret and that’s what most people are recommending.

There have been people posting that STA will give extra time.

All of the schools do.

So why does a kid meet to be at GDS or Maret for the school to be lenient about a kid with a documented need getting extra time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To clarify some more, on paper he is definitely in the running for one or all of these schools, as much as plenty of accepted students. As for "hooks"... He's coming from a well-regarded private. He has some obvious, stand-out talent. FWIW, we are also full-pay and have "connections.".

I am a little confused by this. On paper would include the teacher recommendations, and the neuropsych. If none of those raise concerns, are you sure he's the one with anxiety, and this isn't a situation where you are demanding perfection from a kid who is doing well?

What is the placement person at your private K-8 saying about his chances?

There is nothing confusing about it. On paper and as far as the schools know, everything is fine. But they as parents know there’s a problem and they’ve been snowplowing this kid through up til now. What they want to know is that as the kids get older and parental involvement decreases, which of the schools will work best for the type of kid that they have. I don’t know what’s so complicated about this.

Effectively they need a school that will be more lenient about late work, where they have multiple tracks for kids gunning for HYPS and those happy with Tulane and they want the environment to be comfortable so if their kid does not excel academically they will not feel bad about themselves.

This is basically GDS and Maret and that’s what most people are recommending.

There have been people posting that STA will give extra time.

All of the schools do.

Until they don’t and the child is found wanting and counseled out. Unless OP is as connected as she says and then the child stays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To clarify some more, on paper he is definitely in the running for one or all of these schools, as much as plenty of accepted students. As for "hooks"... He's coming from a well-regarded private. He has some obvious, stand-out talent. FWIW, we are also full-pay and have "connections.".

I am a little confused by this. On paper would include the teacher recommendations, and the neuropsych. If none of those raise concerns, are you sure he's the one with anxiety, and this isn't a situation where you are demanding perfection from a kid who is doing well?

What is the placement person at your private K-8 saying about his chances?

There is nothing confusing about it. On paper and as far as the schools know, everything is fine. But they as parents know there’s a problem and they’ve been snowplowing this kid through up til now. What they want to know is that as the kids get older and parental involvement decreases, which of the schools will work best for the type of kid that they have. I don’t know what’s so complicated about this.

Effectively they need a school that will be more lenient about late work, where they have multiple tracks for kids gunning for HYPS and those happy with Tulane and they want the environment to be comfortable so if their kid does not excel academically they will not feel bad about themselves.

This is basically GDS and Maret and that’s what most people are recommending.

There have been people posting that STA will give extra time.

All of the schools do.

Until they don’t and the child is found wanting and counseled out. Unless OP is as connected as she says and then the child stays.

I don’t think you need to be connected to get time and half or double time when it’s recommended by a neuropsych or some other Dr.