Tips for difficult father in law

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, but he is verbally and emotionally abusing your daughter. If FIL wants company, maybe husband can visit him solo for a few days. Don’t subject yourself daughter to this. And don’t serve him. Don’t be a doormat. And protect your poor daughter!!!

ALL OF THIS

We recently cut my FIL off because his behavior around our seven-year-old twin girls was unacceptable. I told my husband he is free to see him if he wants, but he doesn't. Stop letting this happen. Your husband also needs to stop being a doormat and stand up for his kid!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Sorry, I don't invite people to stay overnight who make me feel bad about myself, or God, forbid, my CHILDREN.

Pick up the phone and disinvite him. You can tell him that you have thought a lot about how he expected you to be his maid, and how he bullied your daughter, and that you do not want him visiting for now.

And your husband can shut up and and go with it if he doesn't have the moral courage to defend you and his daughter.

And to be clear, I don't give a rat's behind for relatives who are disagreeable. They can be lonely and grieving all they want, their actions and words have consequences. I will send money, help them with paperwork, deal with hospital and doctor appointments, basic human decency treatment... but they will have zero emotional support and no access to my kids.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op Here.

I appreciate your comments. DH doesn’t think it’s as bad as I do because he didn’t witness most of the behavior. He was on zoom calls all day when we visited FIL, and while he agrees with me that he can’t be trusted with the kids and “acts weird” with them, he doesn’t think it got to be as bad as I make it out to be.

My son is not a liar, and I don’t like feeling gaslit by my husband. I showed him the comments and he called Fil and told him the trip must be shorted to a week, but he did not mention any of the accusations of abuse some of you alleged. My husband felt that the children stressed out his father who started to act out. I disagree and think his father has some sort of mental issue I have no interest in unraveling.

As a compromise, my husband agreed to take a trip with my father In law where he would have his own cabin and own space and never be around the children alone. He promised to speak up and defend my daughter if it came to it. I haven’t spoken to my father In law since our trip to his home many months ago, mostly because I’m sure I won’t be able to be super civil. We were barely speaking when I left, but were very civil and polite.

I understand he is old and depressed, but there is no need to take it out on an innocent child. Do you think I should tell my children to immediately get me if he should act like this again? Usually they would tell me later. I don’t want to drag them into this, but I don’t want my daughter and son to think I am condoning this behavior.

ps- I was not making lunches or cleaning for him towards the end of the trip. And yes I did feel like a doormat and I did resent it.

This, right here, is a HUGE RED FLAG. You need to solve your husband problem first.