DS Freaking Out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. You are misreading the post. I am not freaking out. DS is. I am just trying to figure out how to explain things to him in a way that is as accurate as possible. I don’t know if connections help the way the used to. I know this is the way of the world.

Yes it is mainly that his best friend spilled this after the process. They’d talked about how fun it would be to go to the same school, etc. all along and then my DA felt sort of blindsided. I explained he was under no obligation to say anything and he said he wished he didn’t know.

Keep in mind as others have said he is a teenager and their brains fire up in different ways.

My first response was to be proud for working hard and getting good grades and SAT score and focus only on himself. That he in the end will have greater confidence in himself.

But he is still upset and feels like he was “played.” He said he wouldn’t have applied to so many of the same schools if he’d known. We talked about how he needs to focus on the future.

My question was about how much those connections really work these days and if I can honestly tell my kids, “things have changed and those connections don’t help as much as they did pre-Varsity Blues” vs “sorry, kiddo.”

You did not do yourself any favors here, OP

[Anonymous]

I still don’t understand. The kids wanted to go to the same schools and friend got help to try and get into these schools. Wasn’t the point for them to both get in? It was never a given that they’d both get in. Now he’s upset because he thought he’d be more likely than his friend to get in but it may be the other way around now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is why my DD and her friends (at public school) don’t seem to talk at all about applying to college. They know it isn’t anybody else’s business and that they shouldn’t compare themselves to others. Seriously, I’m a bit shocked my daughter doesn’t even know where her friends are applying to college but that’s also kind of awesome.

Same. DD says they do not talk about it. Only a few that got in ED somewhere wore a college shirt the next day. Otherwise, they all seem to keep it to themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is why my DD and her friends (at public school) don’t seem to talk at all about applying to college. They know it isn’t anybody else’s business and that they shouldn’t compare themselves to others. Seriously, I’m a bit shocked my daughter doesn’t even know where her friends are applying to college but that’s also kind of awesome.

My impression is that private school kids are more competitive and status conscious, which is an ugly brew to mix with friendship.
But perhaps I am wrong.

My high achieving public school daughter did not compare lists with her friends.

[Anonymous]

My oldest DD freaked out when she realized her best friend was a true genius. It became apparent in high school with the friend gliding through honors and AP classes and scoring a perfect 1600 on her SATs. The friend won the genetic lottery.

Life is unfair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am OP and there may be some truth to DS feeling like he had the slight edge with higher grades and SAT and he felt like that had slipped away. We talked about that some and he said the friend asked him about his grades and test scores and he shared, so he “had all the information on the table.”

I pointed out how the friend didn’t have to tell him, especially because the parents asked him not to and maybe the friend wanted to tell him all along.

He seems calmer now.

As for applying to the same schools, many of the kids from their school did. The difference in their lists were in safety schools.

He’s processing it all and have been talking to his friend on discord, he said.

Thanks for the update OP. It sounds like your son is feeling a little better now that the surprise of his friend's news has settled in.
Understandably these kids are so on edge about college admissions that any bump is felt deeply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am OP and there may be some truth to DS feeling like he had the slight edge with higher grades and SAT and he felt like that had slipped away. We talked about that some and he said the friend asked him about his grades and test scores and he shared, so he “had all the information on the table.”

I pointed out how the friend didn’t have to tell him, especially because the parents asked him not to and maybe the friend wanted to tell him all along.

He seems calmer now.

As for applying to the same schools, many of the kids from their school did. The difference in their lists were in safety schools.

He’s processing it all and have been talking to his friend on discord, he said.

Thanks for the update OP. It sounds like your son is feeling a little better now that the surprise of his friend's news has settled in.
Understandably these kids are so on edge about college admissions that any bump is felt deeply.

That's all you can say? Thanks for the update? OP's son sounds like a stressed out, competitive lunatic. I thought Big 3 students and parents aren't there for college admissions? This is all very eye opening.

And do you really think OP's kid and his "frenemy" are the only two kids in their Big 3 applying to the same schools? Gimme a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. You are misreading the post. I am not freaking out. DS is. I am just trying to figure out how to explain things to him in a way that is as accurate as possible. I don’t know if connections help the way the used to. I know this is the way of the world.

Yes it is mainly that his best friend spilled this after the process. They’d talked about how fun it would be to go to the same school, etc. all along and then my DA felt sort of blindsided. I explained he was under no obligation to say anything and he said he wished he didn’t know.

Keep in mind as others have said he is a teenager and their brains fire up in different ways.

My first response was to be proud for working hard and getting good grades and SAT score and focus only on himself. That he in the end will have greater confidence in himself.

But he is still upset and feels like he was “played.” He said he wouldn’t have applied to so many of the same schools if he’d known. We talked about how he needs to focus on the future.

My question was about how much those connections really work these days and if I can honestly tell my kids, “things have changed and those connections don’t help as much as they did pre-Varsity Blues” vs “sorry, kiddo.”

You did not do yourself any favors here, OP

Right?

OMG

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is why my DD and her friends (at public school) don’t seem to talk at all about applying to college. They know it isn’t anybody else’s business and that they shouldn’t compare themselves to others. Seriously, I’m a bit shocked my daughter doesn’t even know where her friends are applying to college but that’s also kind of awesome.

My impression is that private school kids are more competitive and status conscious, which is an ugly brew to mix with friendship.
But perhaps I am wrong.

My high achieving public school daughter did not compare lists with her friends.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel more proud of my kid who went to a plain old public school and was admitted to a top tier school on her own.
More chance for her to be successful in college and life.

You don't sound any better when you act this way either.

Bitter pill to pay all that money for private, SAT prep, essay coaching— just to end up at the same place (or less), eh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am OP and there may be some truth to DS feeling like he had the slight edge with higher grades and SAT and he felt like that had slipped away. We talked about that some and he said the friend asked him about his grades and test scores and he shared, so he “had all the information on the table.”

I pointed out how the friend didn’t have to tell him, especially because the parents asked him not to and maybe the friend wanted to tell him all along.

He seems calmer now.

As for applying to the same schools, many of the kids from their school did. The difference in their lists were in safety schools.

He’s processing it all and have been talking to his friend on discord, he said.

Thanks for the update OP. It sounds like your son is feeling a little better now that the surprise of his friend's news has settled in.
Understandably these kids are so on edge about college admissions that any bump is felt deeply.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My oldest DD freaked out when she realized her best friend was a true genius. It became apparent in high school with the friend gliding through honors and AP classes and scoring a perfect 1600 on her SATs. The friend won the genetic lottery.

Life is unfair.

Why is that unfair? The world requires variety. Could you imagine a world where everyone was the same?

[Anonymous]

Private college counselors generally help develop the list, advise about extra curriculars and course selection, and give feedback on essays. Yes, I know about varsity blues but that’s obviously an exception

You and your son are wildly overestimating how much “influence” matters and honestly most of what the counselor did you could have learned on Google. Stand down and tell your son to buck up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am OP and there may be some truth to DS feeling like he had the slight edge with higher grades and SAT and he felt like that had slipped away. We talked about that some and he said the friend asked him about his grades and test scores and he shared, so he “had all the information on the table.”

I pointed out how the friend didn’t have to tell him, especially because the parents asked him not to and maybe the friend wanted to tell him all along.

He seems calmer now.

As for applying to the same schools, many of the kids from their school did. The difference in their lists were in safety schools.

He’s processing it all and have been talking to his friend on discord, he said.

Thanks for the update OP. It sounds like your son is feeling a little better now that the surprise of his friend's news has settled in.
Understandably these kids are so on edge about college admissions that any bump is felt deeply.

That's all you can say? Thanks for the update? OP's son sounds like a stressed out, competitive lunatic. I thought Big 3 students and parents aren't there for college admissions? This is all very eye opening.

And do you really think OP's kid and his "frenemy" are the only two kids in their Big 3 applying to the same schools? Gimme a break.

Me thinks that someone is still resentful that they couldn't swing a private education for their kid ... relax bro, it all works out in the end

[Anonymous]

Your kid goes to a big 3, is applying to college and still doesn’t know money and connections matter? Okaaaay.