DS Freaking Out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS found out his best friend used an extremely expensive, exclusive college counselor. The kids both go to the same Big 3 but my kid used the counselors at school only. DS has gotten better grades and a better SAT score but they applied to a lot of the same schools. His friend told him his dad and the outside counselor have all these high up connections.

The mom emailed and apologized about her kid bragging to mine. He wasn’t supposed to say anything to anyone. This leads me to believe that what he said was probably true.

This is the world and sooner or later my kid is going to find out that money and connections help. But do they help so soon after the varsity blues scandal?

So...neither your DS nor his friend applied ED? That seems a highly implausible strategy for "an extremely expensive, exclusive college counselor" (as well as a Big 3 college office strategy especially for a family with "high up connections.").

Our DCs attend(ed) a Big 3-type of school in another metro area. They did not use "an extremely expensive, exclusive college counselor" but did avail themselves of their counselors at school. Many of their classmates used "extremely expensive, exclusive college(s)." In this latest round, DC2 got in ED and a number of DC's classmates using outside help were either deferred or rejected. And a number of these families have "high up connections."

As per your report here, the family did nothing wrong. Families are allowed to hire consultants and people are not prohibited from calling connections.

So again, neither your DS nor his friend applied ED?

+1 Something doesn’t add up maybe OP is being hazy on some things to remain anonymous. The stated fact that neither kid applied ED from a Big 3 is HIGHLY unusual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS found out his best friend used an extremely expensive, exclusive college counselor. The kids both go to the same Big 3 but my kid used the counselors at school only. DS has gotten better grades and a better SAT score but they applied to a lot of the same schools. His friend told him his dad and the outside counselor have all these high up connections.

The mom emailed and apologized about her kid bragging to mine. He wasn’t supposed to say anything to anyone. This leads me to believe that what he said was probably true.

This is the world and sooner or later my kid is going to find out that money and connections help. But do they help so soon after the varsity blues scandal?

So...neither your DS nor his friend applied ED? That seems a highly implausible strategy for "an extremely expensive, exclusive college counselor" (as well as a Big 3 college office strategy especially for a family with "high up connections.").

Our DCs attend(ed) a Big 3-type of school in another metro area. They did not use "an extremely expensive, exclusive college counselor" but did avail themselves of their counselors at school. Many of their classmates used "extremely expensive, exclusive college(s)." In this latest round, DC2 got in ED and a number of DC's classmates using outside help were either deferred or rejected. And a number of these families have "high up connections."

As per your report here, the family did nothing wrong. Families are allowed to hire consultants and people are not prohibited from calling connections.

So again, neither your DS nor his friend applied ED?

+1 Something doesn’t add up maybe OP is being hazy on some things to remain anonymous. The stated fact that neither kid applied ED from a Big 3 is HIGHLY unusual.

Unless USC is top of the list. No early options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes on this board people forget there are actual kids involved, not props.

The kid worked hard at a Big 3 to get good grades and good standardized test scores. He didn’t expected to be handed anything in school, it says he worked for it. All the disdain here for privates and privilege bury that fact.


Give the kid a break. The OP didn’t say the kid expected to get to be a shoe-in.

It’s shoo-in, not shoe-in OMG.

DP. Not everyone is into horse racing and it is a stupid expression anyways. I like shoe-in better

Go be proud of your illiteracy somewhere else, this is a forum dedicated to higher education. I’m sure there is a Reddit sub out there for people who don’t read books. You can all take it for granite that you are on the same page, refuse to tow the line for a bunch of snooty grammar nazis, and discuss how for all intensive purposes the educated elite are worthless and they think they have cache but don’t and are just a bunch of clicky snowflakes.

[Anonymous]

^And yes I see the comma splice.^

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fwiw DC at private says half the class uses outside help and it’s tacitly understood that no one talks about it, even among friends. In our experience, parent friends don’t like admit it to each other either.

+1 No one discusses outside counselors at my DC’s Big3, kids or adults. I would guess 80% use them.

The people attracted to such environments are SO not my people.

My kid turned down a generous merit add offer to the top-ranked school she got into because on Accepted Student Day, the place was crawling with prep school kids (many of them dressed in Ralph Lauren or Lilly Pulitzer). We thought we had stumbled into a remake of the Great Gatsby, coming of age edition!

Judging people based on what they are wearing is not open minded. I say this as a decidedly non-Lily Pulitzer wearing parent. Entitled attitudes exist everywhere, public schools in wealthy zip codes are not much different than those in expensive privates. That your daughter turned down highly coveted merit aid because she didn’t like what the other kids were wearing is pretty entitled - most people don’t have the luxury of discarding opportunities like that so easily.

+1
When I read the bolded above I laughed (and cringed) at how poor a decision this girl made and how sad it is that her mom is sharing the story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fwiw DC at private says half the class uses outside help and it’s tacitly understood that no one talks about it, even among friends. In our experience, parent friends don’t like admit it to each other either.

+1 No one discusses outside counselors at my DC’s Big3, kids or adults. I would guess 80% use them.

The people attracted to such environments are SO not my people.

My kid turned down a generous merit add offer to the top-ranked school she got into because on Accepted Student Day, the place was crawling with prep school kids (many of them dressed in Ralph Lauren or Lilly Pulitzer). We thought we had stumbled into a remake of the Great Gatsby, coming of age edition!

Then your kid is clearly not very bright.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS found out his best friend used an extremely expensive, exclusive college counselor. The kids both go to the same Big 3 but my kid used the counselors at school only. DS has gotten better grades and a better SAT score but they applied to a lot of the same schools. His friend told him his dad and the outside counselor have all these high up connections.

The mom emailed and apologized about her kid bragging to mine. He wasn’t supposed to say anything to anyone. This leads me to believe that what he said was probably true.

This is the world and sooner or later my kid is going to find out that money and connections help. But do they help so soon after the varsity blues scandal?

So...neither your DS nor his friend applied ED? That seems a highly implausible strategy for "an extremely expensive, exclusive college counselor" (as well as a Big 3 college office strategy especially for a family with "high up connections.").

Our DCs attend(ed) a Big 3-type of school in another metro area. They did not use "an extremely expensive, exclusive college counselor" but did avail themselves of their counselors at school. Many of their classmates used "extremely expensive, exclusive college(s)." In this latest round, DC2 got in ED and a number of DC's classmates using outside help were either deferred or rejected. And a number of these families have "high up connections."

As per your report here, the family did nothing wrong. Families are allowed to hire consultants and people are not prohibited from calling connections.

So again, neither your DS nor his friend applied ED?

+1 Something doesn’t add up maybe OP is being hazy on some things to remain anonymous. The stated fact that neither kid applied ED from a Big 3 is HIGHLY unusual.

Unless USC is top of the list. No early options.

Hear ya but still doesn’t add up. Students have their best advantage in ED and it skews wealthy. An expensive college counselor, as well as the school’s, is really going to press ED. Yeah, maybe they both want USC, doubt that is case. I think OP is either trolling with no real idea how college admissions works @ a Big 3/outside counselor for an affluent family or just hopelessly naïve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fwiw DC at private says half the class uses outside help and it’s tacitly understood that no one talks about it, even among friends. In our experience, parent friends don’t like admit it to each other either.

+1 No one discusses outside counselors at my DC’s Big3, kids or adults. I would guess 80% use them.

The people attracted to such environments are SO not my people.

My kid turned down a generous merit add offer to the top-ranked school she got into because on Accepted Student Day, the place was crawling with prep school kids (many of them dressed in Ralph Lauren or Lilly Pulitzer). We thought we had stumbled into a remake of the Great Gatsby, coming of age edition!

Judging people based on what they are wearing is not open minded. I say this as a decidedly non-Lily Pulitzer wearing parent. Entitled attitudes exist everywhere, public schools in wealthy zip codes are not much different than those in expensive privates. That your daughter turned down highly coveted merit aid because she didn’t like what the other kids were wearing is pretty entitled - most people don’t have the luxury of discarding opportunities like that so easily.

+1
When I read the bolded above I laughed (and cringed) at how poor a decision this girl made and how sad it is that her mom is sharing the story.

She got merit aid at every school she was accepted to, so could afford to be picky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fwiw DC at private says half the class uses outside help and it’s tacitly understood that no one talks about it, even among friends. In our experience, parent friends don’t like admit it to each other either.

+1 No one discusses outside counselors at my DC’s Big3, kids or adults. I would guess 80% use them.

The people attracted to such environments are SO not my people.

My kid turned down a generous merit add offer to the top-ranked school she got into because on Accepted Student Day, the place was crawling with prep school kids (many of them dressed in Ralph Lauren or Lilly Pulitzer). We thought we had stumbled into a remake of the Great Gatsby, coming of age edition!

Judging people based on what they are wearing is not open minded. I say this as a decidedly non-Lily Pulitzer wearing parent. Entitled attitudes exist everywhere, public schools in wealthy zip codes are not much different than those in expensive privates. That your daughter turned down highly coveted merit aid because she didn’t like what the other kids were wearing is pretty entitled - most people don’t have the luxury of discarding opportunities like that so easily.

We don’t go for uniforms, we value individuality. Each person is allowed to use their own criteria.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fwiw DC at private says half the class uses outside help and it’s tacitly understood that no one talks about it, even among friends. In our experience, parent friends don’t like admit it to each other either.

+1 No one discusses outside counselors at my DC’s Big3, kids or adults. I would guess 80% use them.

The people attracted to such environments are SO not my people.

My kid turned down a generous merit add offer to the top-ranked school she got into because on Accepted Student Day, the place was crawling with prep school kids (many of them dressed in Ralph Lauren or Lilly Pulitzer). We thought we had stumbled into a remake of the Great Gatsby, coming of age edition!

Judging people based on what they are wearing is not open minded. I say this as a decidedly non-Lily Pulitzer wearing parent. Entitled attitudes exist everywhere, public schools in wealthy zip codes are not much different than those in expensive privates. That your daughter turned down highly coveted merit aid because she didn’t like what the other kids were wearing is pretty entitled - most people don’t have the luxury of discarding opportunities like that so easily.

We don’t go for uniforms, we value individuality. Each person is allowed to use their own criteria.

PP: I understood your frame of reference--and yes, we all get to pick where we feel like we'll fit in. My dc would also have not been comfortable at a school where that's what the kids looked like. Call it picky, entitled, judgemental--I'm fine with all three. But they pick schools based on what type of environment fits them. As we all do as adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fwiw DC at private says half the class uses outside help and it’s tacitly understood that no one talks about it, even among friends. In our experience, parent friends don’t like admit it to each other either.

+1 No one discusses outside counselors at my DC’s Big3, kids or adults. I would guess 80% use them.

The people attracted to such environments are SO not my people.

My kid turned down a generous merit add offer to the top-ranked school she got into because on Accepted Student Day, the place was crawling with prep school kids (many of them dressed in Ralph Lauren or Lilly Pulitzer). We thought we had stumbled into a remake of the Great Gatsby, coming of age edition!

Judging people based on what they are wearing is not open minded. I say this as a decidedly non-Lily Pulitzer wearing parent. Entitled attitudes exist everywhere, public schools in wealthy zip codes are not much different than those in expensive privates. That your daughter turned down highly coveted merit aid because she didn’t like what the other kids were wearing is pretty entitled - most people don’t have the luxury of discarding opportunities like that so easily.

We don’t go for uniforms, we value individuality. Each person is allowed to use their own criteria.

PP: I understood your frame of reference--and yes, we all get to pick where we feel like we'll fit in. My dc would also have not been comfortable at a school where that's what the kids looked like. Call it picky, entitled, judgemental--I'm fine with all three. But they pick schools based on what type of environment fits them. As we all do as adults.

+1. My kid chose not to apply to some schools based on how the students dressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel more proud of my kid who went to a plain old public school and was admitted to a top tier school on her own.
More chance for her to be successful in college and life.

Has anyone followed up with Big 3 students to see where they are in 25 years. I don't think they are as successful as parents want to believe.

Of course they are successful on average. You take a bunch of the most privileged kids in the country. Some might be drug addicts or what have you. But most will be boring and land at the same place their parents came from. That is just the truth about our society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fwiw DC at private says half the class uses outside help and it’s tacitly understood that no one talks about it, even among friends. In our experience, parent friends don’t like admit it to each other either.

+1 No one discusses outside counselors at my DC’s Big3, kids or adults. I would guess 80% use them.

The people attracted to such environments are SO not my people.

My kid turned down a generous merit add offer to the top-ranked school she got into because on Accepted Student Day, the place was crawling with prep school kids (many of them dressed in Ralph Lauren or Lilly Pulitzer). We thought we had stumbled into a remake of the Great Gatsby, coming of age edition!

Judging people based on what they are wearing is not open minded. I say this as a decidedly non-Lily Pulitzer wearing parent. Entitled attitudes exist everywhere, public schools in wealthy zip codes are not much different than those in expensive privates. That your daughter turned down highly coveted merit aid because she didn’t like what the other kids were wearing is pretty entitled - most people don’t have the luxury of discarding opportunities like that so easily.

+1
When I read the bolded above I laughed (and cringed) at how poor a decision this girl made and how sad it is that her mom is sharing the story.

She got merit aid at every school she was accepted to, so could afford to be picky.

She did not aim high enough.

[Anonymous]

College counselors may suggest ED but not all children choose that route. Some kids really do not know and would rather have all the options available, particularly if they were not able to visit because of covid, etc.

It is also possible one of both of the kids ED’d and did not get in and this is about the rest of the schools. Posters often don’t post all the details to keep some anonymity in case they or people they are talking about arent recognized.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems like a troll because anyone who has been in private school for any length of time knows there are kids there who will get ahead because their parents have money and /or connections.

Honest question. Are there any kids in the Big 3 (or Big 10 or whathaveyou) whose parents don't have money and/or connections.

OP, your son needs perspective. He is certainly old enough to know that unless his parents are Jeff Freaking Bezos, there will always be someone out there with better resources than his parents do. Or that different people use their money and privilege differently. He's not some poor kid who is bound for a community college due to lack of resources.

If this were my kid, I would be wondering how I failed as a parent, that mine grew up with no awareness of his own privilege.

Yes. There are.