How common is it to be 'groped' by a stranger?

[Anonymous]

Was a teenager and young adult in the 1980s and 1990s. Was groped while riding the Metro, was groped at parties, and had a guy I was dating try to pin me down and grope me. When I fought back he let me go--and I am a taller larger woman. Don't know what would have happened if I would have been average height and 100 pounds or so. He seemed to not understand why I refused to go out with him again; I didn't even realize all this was assault back in the day.

Did have a boyfriend who had to fight off a guy trying to grope him in the bathroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was groped many times in junior high and high school and it always was a big joke. The boys would try to pull our string bikini's off at the public pools. It was boys being boys.

Now in the #metoo days when a sexual assault (groping) is committed by a teenager at school it makes headlines and the citizens come out with their pitchforks to extract a pound of flesh from the sex offender.

It's actually why Christine Blasey Ford's story didn't faze me in the least. I thought it almost certainly did happen as she described it, but that sort of thing happened to many young females in the 80s - unwanted groping, throwing on beds, wrestling - myself included. I had an occasion where I was terrified and thought I might be raped. But I must say, it was so commonplace among the girls I knew that I didn't feel traumatized by it.

I cannot even tell you how many times I was groped - breasts, derriere, crotch. I didn't realize it was sexual assault until someone at the law firm where I was a paralegal told me that it was. I was 25.

I thought Christine Blasey Ford's story was very believable. Growing up boys/men grabbed girls with impunity and if girls complained to an adult, they likely would shift the blame to the girls for 'acting loose' or dressy slutty or being in a place where boys could do stuff like that. I would like to think things have changed, but many people didn't believe Christine Blasey Ford's account. It makes me believe men get away with sexual assault (unless you are a student in Loudoun County schools).

[Anonymous]

My step-grandfather would slap me on the butt as a teenager, and I said nothing because I thought someone would say I was being dramatic. I was groped and flashed in broad daylight on my way home from school (on a busy street) and nobody did anything. I told my parents and they were like…wow that’s gross. I was traumatized by it, but I honestly think adults with years of sexual experience don’t ever react as strongly to this type of harassment as they should.

[Anonymous]

I was groped at train stations in Hamburg and another time in London.

In London I spoke to the police on site because I was afraid of getting on the same train as the guy and they ended up chasing him down and arresting him.

In Germany I didn't have the words - literally all I could do was order coffee and pizza. So I just avoided that particular station.

[Anonymous]

The first time was at age 13 by a teacher. It's happened since then and unfortunately I freeze up. It's actually very scary for me to think of being in this position because I'm afraid I would freeze again.

[Anonymous]

I’m 50 and was just cupped by a male hairstylist. It was not an accident. My hair stops above my armpits. What surprised me is that I froze. I guess I questioned what happened because I was so shocked. The more I thought about it the more I realized I’d been groped. Never went back.

I’ve been groped many times unfortunately. Sometimes I would speak up sometimes not based on how I judged the danger.

[Anonymous]

I had only the most minor ssues between my teens and early 20s, which I attributed to being smart (avoiding dangerous-seeming situations, not drinking alcohol) and being noticeably self-confident (so never set off anyone’s “easy mark” radar). Eventually I learned the hard way that I’d only been lucky. A stranger on the street grabbed me from behind — middle of the day, busy neighborhood but temporarily empty street — pinned me against a wall, grabbed me by the crotch, and started kissing my neck.

Between the element of surprise and the fact that he weighed much more, I was truly pinned. I always assumed that I’d be quick to fight someone off (see: self-confidence), but I froze. I couldn’t even yell because the fear and surprise stole my voice. Luckily, I accidentally poked him in the eye while trying to push his head off my neck, and that created enough backward momentum that I could give his chest a shove and slip away.

The most traumatic bit was learning that my feelings of being in control were an illusion — that anyone stronger can do me violence at any time, just because he feels like it. It 100% felt like a crime (mid-1990s), but I didn’t report it because I was in a foreign country and didn’t know enough about how the police would react.

[Anonymous]

Once in college - a guy walked up behind me and grabbed my breasts. Once in my twenties, an older man sat next to me at a concert and put his hand up my skirt.
Probably other times too, but these really stood out.

[Anonymous]

The only time I’ve been groped in the US was by someone I knew—it was more like an attack. I’ve been ogled plenty.

Abroad, though, I’ve been groped in Paris, Italy and Turkey. Stomping on their feet works well.

[Anonymous]

Yes, groped on a

[Anonymous]

It common where I’ve lived in America. Yes common in Latin America and southern Europe. Not common in Asia.

[Anonymous]

Meant NOT common in most of America . Maybe a drunken frat party at a frat school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hundreds of times when I've been at a bar or club or at a party.

In those places, that's being friendly.

No, it is not. If you're a man, how would you feel about a random man touching your crotch while you're out having a drink with some friends?

That previous comment is likely from a man - who has groped women and doesn't like to think of himself as a sex offender.

That's why I asked him how he'd feel if a man did to him what he thinks is "friendly" when men do it to women.

PP here, female, btw. Are you kidding? Guys would love it.

Being groped by another man? I don't think so.

The parallel would be getting groped by a woman. But carry on.

No- the parallel is getting groped by a person who is likely stronger than you, and who you have zero interest in having sex with. So, for a dude at a bar, he is likely willing to have sex with a woman who gropes him, and even if not, he is likely stronger than her and she isn't a physical threat. But, carry on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has never happened to me. I am surprised at how many people here are saying it has happened frequently to them. I am older than some of you responding, in my late fifties, so maybe guys weren’t doing this kind of thing when I was younger.

Of course they were. This has been happening throughout history. You’re just lucky it didn’t happen to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 50 year old dude. Closest I ever came to being groped was one Halloween in college where my costume was "flasher." I went to the bars with a long coat on (shorts underneath and no shirt.) On the street, as I was leaving, some girl came up behind me and lifted up my coat to see how committed I was to the costume.

That was fun for me, but I totally understand why the dynamic is way different in the situations being described in this thread.

The fact that you dressed up for halloween as someone who exposes himself to women (aka, a sex offender), explains a lot, about how so many women view being groped as just something they have to deal with. It's not funny to dress up as a rapist, and it's not funny to dress up as a dude who masturbates at people as they jog by, or a dude who flashes his junk at little kids getting off the school bus. Just, none of it is funny. Sorry.