How common is it to be 'groped' by a stranger?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Hundreds of times when I've been at a bar or club or at a party.

In those places, that's being friendly.

No, it is not. If you're a man, how would you feel about a random man touching your crotch while you're out having a drink with some friends?

That previous comment is likely from a man - who has groped women and doesn't like to think of himself as a sex offender.

That's why I asked him how he'd feel if a man did to him what he thinks is "friendly" when men do it to women.

PP here, female, btw. Are you kidding? Guys would love it.

Being groped by another man? I don't think so.

The parallel would be getting groped by a woman. But carry on.

The parallel is unwanted sexual touching. But carry on justifying sexual assault.

[Anonymous]

Our county school superintendent, Dr. Scott Brabrand, informed us by email to expect breast-groping in January, courtesy of TikTok:

“Dear Families,

We have been made aware of a series of new monthly challenges that have been shared across the social media platform TikTok. Last month the “Devious Licks” challenge emerged, and students committed acts of vandalism on school property. Now, these challenges are escalating and harming people.

Here is the full list:

September: Vandalize school bathrooms

October: Smack a staff member

November: Kiss your friend’s girlfriend at school

December: Deck the halls and show your *****

January: Jab a breast

February: Mess up school signs

March: Make a mess in the courtyard or cafeteria

April: “Grab some eggz” (another stealing challenge)

May: Ditch day

June: Flip off in the front office

I want to be clear, these are not fun, harmless challenges. These are crimes with very serious consequences. Students who commit these acts face disciplinary action under the Student Rights and Responsibilities, and possible criminal charges.

Please continue to talk with your children about the serious nature of these acts and the consequences they will face if they participate.

I believe that by working together, we can make sure students and staff are learning and working together in a safe environment. Thank you for your support.


Sincerely,

Scott Brabrand
Superintendent”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hundreds of times when I've been at a bar or club or at a party.

In those places, that's being friendly.

No, it is not. If you're a man, how would you feel about a random man touching your crotch while you're out having a drink with some friends?

That previous comment is likely from a man - who has groped women and doesn't like to think of himself as a sex offender.

That's why I asked him how he'd feel if a man did to him what he thinks is "friendly" when men do it to women.

PP here, female, btw. Are you kidding? Guys would love it.

Being groped by another man? I don't think so.

The parallel would be getting groped by a woman. But carry on.

No, it’s not. The parallel is being groped by a person stronger than you who you know can hurt you. For your average dude, that’s another man.

[Anonymous]

it was really common especially in crowds... I remember in the late 90s my high school was located in a multistory building with only a couple stairwells for everyone so they would be totally tight and packed between classes and people would get groped on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there needs to be another word for the crime of groping - sexual assault sounds like rape. It's not even on the same level but the umbrella term is used for anything and everything.

It’s a 4th degree sex assault, rape is a 1st degree sex assault.

If you want to rename something rename rape to rape.

[Anonymous]

As a man, I have been groped/touched numerous times at concerts that were heavily skewed toward gay men. The most audacious one was at a Robyn concert where a guy grabbed my entire ass then pinched my butt and as I was moving away he felt it necessary to get in my face and inform me, "I just pinched your butt." Yes, thank you, I realize that. Now leave

[Anonymous]

Countless times. Subway, buses, on city streets, definitely in bars and clubs, even at work on more than one occasion. Mostly men but I've even been grabbed by a few women. Lots of pervy, inappropriate people in the world.

I've always known it was illegal and always disliked it, but I've never reported it to the cops. Most of the time the most I'd do is go tell my friends so I could complain. I did once confront a coworker about it and let them know what they'd done was upsetting and harmful. They didn't respond well, so I escalated it to their boss (who was not my boss). They got a slap on the wrist and then people treated me like a hypersensitive complainer.

Groping is something people have a really easy time writing off after the fact because when you just hear about it later, and the person who was groped seems physically fine, it doesn't seem like that big of a deal. Oh, someone grabbed your butt, oh well. But that's not how it feels in the moment. Even when it's "friendly" it feels kind of violent. It makes me feel like I'm not in control of my own body, in which case, am I in control of anything at all.

So I've learned you need to be proactive in the moment. You have to speak up immediately -- hey, don't do that. Why are you touching me? That's not okay, I don't like it. That kind of thing. Shame the people as they are doing it. This is possible now because people are more sensitive to sexual assault. I do think it's hard to ask young women to do this though because young women are also taught to be accommodating and polite and it's really hard to even recognize when something bad is happening to you at that age, you are so conditioned to place the comfort of others before your own. That's a big reason I so rarely said something back when it was a more frequent occurrence. I'd freeze up and not realize how much it bothered me until later when I was safely away from the groper.

[Anonymous]

Groped plenty of times in clubs while dancing in my 20s. Most recently, I was groped at a concert in DC by the guy sitting next to me. I was dancing and he thought that meant he could grab my thigh and run his hand down my leg. I slapped his hand away, scolded him like a dog, and we moved further down the row away from him. When I told DH about it the next day, he asked me why I didn’t report him to the ushers. He was surprised when I said it never even occurred to me that the staff would protect me and remove him. I’m 40 years old and I know from experience this is common for women. I hope by the time DD is grown, she has staff protecting her so she doesn’t have to do it herself.

[Anonymous]

That's when they would lose a finger.

Always amazes me that a woman wouldn't do something. At least scream and kick them in the nuts as hard as you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's when they would lose a finger.

Always amazes me that a woman wouldn't do something. At least scream and kick them in the nuts as hard as you can.

You don’t know how strong men are. You really wound not make a dent if you punched a guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there needs to be another word for the crime of groping - sexual assault sounds like rape. It's not even on the same level but the umbrella term is used for anything and everything.

But groping is absolutely on the same scale as rape, it's just a less invasive and violent version. It's not in a separate category. It's the same category, but less severe.

Also, some groping is more invasive than others. Sometimes people will use the close proximity of being on a crowded subway or elevator to brush their hands across people's bodies. While still wrong, this is basically impossible to prosecute because it could easily be incidental contact. There have been times when this happened to me and I've truly been unsure if it was intentional. It's like the person is just not trying very hard to avoid certain kinds of contact.

But I've also had someone walk up to me at a club, and reach out and grab my crotch. I know people who have had this happen to them while they were wearing a short skirt and the contact is shocking and very upsetting. And there's no question about intent. Obviously worse.

Once I had someone grab my hand and press it against their crotch. It was really horrifying because they were literally forcing my hand. It felt very invasive but the only part of my body they touched was my wrist. How do you classify that?

Groping is absolutely sexual assault. Your desire to separate from rape somehow reflects an effort to minimize how damaging groping can be. It's assault. Don't do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's when they would lose a finger.

Always amazes me that a woman wouldn't do something. At least scream and kick them in the nuts as hard as you can.

You don’t know how strong men are. You really wound not make a dent if you punched a guy.

I took a co-ed Krav Maga class once and wound up in the hospital after I partnered with a guy. I'm in very good shape, and he wasn't, but he was so much bigger and stronger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's when they would lose a finger.

Always amazes me that a woman wouldn't do something. At least scream and kick them in the nuts as hard as you can.

Many times when this has happened to me, I was unable to process what was happening until it was over, at which point you don't feel like you can do anything because (1) you'd have to convince people that what just happen did in fact happen, and (2) they are no longer touching you so the problem has been "solved".

People have heard of "fight or flight" but another very common response to attack is "freeze". That's what I do. Partly because I'm shocked by what's happening, but also because I've been conditioned since I was very young to be polite -- don't yell, don't make other people uncomfortable. So when I've been groped, a very common reaction from me is to freeze my body and smile. It's not because I'm happy, it's like playing dead in as pleasant and inoffensive a way as possible.

I am teaching my daughter that when someone touches her without her consent, she is always empowered to say "Don't touch me!" as loud as she can. Even to me or her dad. We basically train these survival instincts out of young women, it's terrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there needs to be another word for the crime of groping - sexual assault sounds like rape. It's not even on the same level but the umbrella term is used for anything and everything.

But groping is absolutely on the same scale as rape, it's just a less invasive and violent version. It's not in a separate category. It's the same category, but less severe.

Also, some groping is more invasive than others. Sometimes people will use the close proximity of being on a crowded subway or elevator to brush their hands across people's bodies. While still wrong, this is basically impossible to prosecute because it could easily be incidental contact. There have been times when this happened to me and I've truly been unsure if it was intentional. It's like the person is just not trying very hard to avoid certain kinds of contact.

But I've also had someone walk up to me at a club, and reach out and grab my crotch. I know people who have had this happen to them while they were wearing a short skirt and the contact is shocking and very upsetting. And there's no question about intent. Obviously worse.

Once I had someone grab my hand and press it against their crotch. It was really horrifying because they were literally forcing my hand. It felt very invasive but the only part of my body they touched was my wrist. How do you classify that?

Groping is absolutely sexual assault. Your desire to separate from rape somehow reflects an effort to minimize how damaging groping can be. It's assault. Don't do it.

Either that or we just disagree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's when they would lose a finger.

Always amazes me that a woman wouldn't do something. At least scream and kick them in the nuts as hard as you can.

Some men will murder a woman for not giving them their phone number. There's no way I'm going to assault one.