How would you feel about this MIL taking over kitchen thing? Am I being petty?

[Anonymous]

That’s nothing compared to us.

FIL took the garage door machine apart “to see how it worked” and broke it.
FIL and mil “made their own cement” to sturdy a fence post snd ended up making a cement anchor in our bucket instead.
They break the laundry machine every time- and never ask to use it so we can’t instruct them.
FIL used the power drill for gawd knows what (never asked of course) and later the drill bits were all over the basement floor
Took our 5 yo on a hike at 11am before lunch, got lost and hiked around for four hours of no food, no water and peeing in the bushes. And then lied about it. Oh and bought her an ice cream at 3pm when they finally found the road again.

And then there the list of MIL’s rude comments…. Why do you decorate, your neighbors didn’t... I guess it’s a top restaurant you took us to, but I haven’t tried all the other top DC restaurants, so I wouldn’t know…. Why do you spend all weekend doing this stuff, I can’t imagine (at 5 yos 45 minute soccer game ten mins from the house.)…

[Anonymous]

Oh, and yes she takes over the kitchen to make their gourmet breakfasts, lunches for themselves and then dinner for all.
But that’s after they make my H, their son, take them grocery shopping every few days for $100 of food a pop. He pays of course, they want the long stay to be “worth their while.”
Thank goodness they don’t drink.

[Anonymous]

Op, I feel for you, I really do. And I have my own versions of this albeit not cooking related.

But I am going to be honest - threads like this make me want to cry. And remind me to appreciate every single minute with my kids because I may never feel relaxed and comfortable in their homes as adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's a guest in your house and should be free to do as she pleases and make herself at home. You are being controlled.

Wtf? Maybe for a day but not one week. No, it’s not your house, you’re a guest. Which means you ask before you use something and you clean up after yourself all the time.

“Make yourself at home” is what people say to be kind and welcoming. It is not to be taken literally. Clean up after yourself to your host’s standards, replace items you use up immediately, ask to use things, be considerate of their space. You can’t actually treat someone else’s home like your own and leave dishes in the sink when you feel lazy, lounge on the couch all day watching tv with a snack plate etc.

You are WRONG! This is her MOTHER in law. Does OP want to have a family or not? She should feel lucky she feels so comfortable in her home. She should be grateful to have a MIL who wants to help out. SO what if it's mesy. OP can clean up or her DH can clean up. OP is being too controlling here. She needs to lighten up and enjoy her MIL and let her DH enjoy hs mother.

H can enjoy his mother in the family room while she leaves the kitchen alone. Not her house. She’s a guest. Sit down and enjoy the meals your host prepares. Maybe offer to take your hosts out once while you visit. Invading the kitchen, using everything in it, making a mess, and insisting you are breaking in the new kitchen is not your domain as a guest.

As a guest you are completely right, a normal guest would understand completely this is not their domain. A normal guest would understand this is rude. We are talking about a MIL here. They do not and choose not to understand. Which is why people say to pick your battles. Its annoying yes but if MIL wants to cook a few meals meh so what, let her. Time for a glass of wine and netflix. Kitchens dirty, I guess ask her to clean her mess or get DH to do it.

Wait until this OP's MIL does what my MIL did, which was to completely re-arrange the entire kitchen to suit how she believed a kitchen should be sorted. Moved all the plates, pots, pans everything. Threw away counter top decorations and put her own up and then re-arranged all the furniture in the dining room to what suited her. MIL making some meals and making silly little comments about breaking in the new kitchen in some weird competitive little dance. Oh let it go. Let her dance alone with that pettiness, it really means nothing.

Keep in mind if OP cooked all the meals would OP still expect to clean by herself or would she expect her guest/DH to help. I guess if people expect that they cook others clean then a little bit of help would be expected to clean up. However if this MIL makes a real mess I think asking her to help would be reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, and yes she takes over the kitchen to make their gourmet breakfasts, lunches for themselves and then dinner for all.
But that’s after they make my H, their son, take them grocery shopping every few days for $100 of food a pop. He pays of course, they want the long stay to be “worth their while.”
Thank goodness they don’t drink.

I see my ILs found another family to visit. Except they don’t cook, they just expect my H to buy whatever their whim is at that particular moment, then they inevitably don’t eat whatever it is and it gets thrown out after they leave because we don’t eat soy free gluten free whatever. Our grocery bill for their visits is out of control. And they pout hardcore if he’s working and not available to take them in yet another grocery run.

[Anonymous]

You let her use the kitchen and you don't say anything about it. It's only a week. DCUM has taught me that guests, especially guests that are family are allowed to do as they please in your home, your personal preferences of tidiness do not matter when you have a vision. It is about THEIR comfort. If you don't agree to this then no one will want to visit you, While you may not care if MIL visits your DH may like to have visits from his mother, and will just spend more time away from you.

[Anonymous]

Sad. Couldn't you pour 2 glasses of wine and enjoy cooking a meal together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's a guest in your house and should be free to do as she pleases and make herself at home. You are being controlled.

Wtf? Maybe for a day but not one week. No, it’s not your house, you’re a guest. Which means you ask before you use something and you clean up after yourself all the time.

“Make yourself at home” is what people say to be kind and welcoming. It is not to be taken literally. Clean up after yourself to your host’s standards, replace items you use up immediately, ask to use things, be considerate of their space. You can’t actually treat someone else’s home like your own and leave dishes in the sink when you feel lazy, lounge on the couch all day watching tv with a snack plate etc.

You are WRONG! This is her MOTHER in law. Does OP want to have a family or not? She should feel lucky she feels so comfortable in her home. She should be grateful to have a MIL who wants to help out. SO what if it's mesy. OP can clean up or her DH can clean up. OP is being too controlling here. She needs to lighten up and enjoy her MIL and let her DH enjoy hs mother.

H can enjoy his mother in the family room while she leaves the kitchen alone. Not her house. She’s a guest. Sit down and enjoy the meals your host prepares. Maybe offer to take your hosts out once while you visit. Invading the kitchen, using everything in it, making a mess, and insisting you are breaking in the new kitchen is not your domain as a guest.

As a guest you are completely right, a normal guest would understand completely this is not their domain. A normal guest would understand this is rude. We are talking about a MIL here. They do not and choose not to understand. Which is why people say to pick your battles. Its annoying yes but if MIL wants to cook a few meals meh so what, let her. Time for a glass of wine and netflix. Kitchens dirty, I guess ask her to clean her mess or get DH to do it.

Wait until this OP's MIL does what my MIL did, which was to completely re-arrange the entire kitchen to suit how she believed a kitchen should be sorted. Moved all the plates, pots, pans everything. Threw away counter top decorations and put her own up and then re-arranged all the furniture in the dining room to what suited her. MIL making some meals and making silly little comments about breaking in the new kitchen in some weird competitive little dance. Oh let it go. Let her dance alone with that pettiness, it really means nothing.

Keep in mind if OP cooked all the meals would OP still expect to clean by herself or would she expect her guest/DH to help. I guess if people expect that they cook others clean then a little bit of help would be expected to clean up. However if this MIL makes a real mess I think asking her to help would be reasonable.

Ok, we need to hear more about this insanity. Your MIL threw out your stuff, put up her own stuff, and rearranged two rooms in your home?!? What happened when you discovered this? How did your spouse handle it? What fallout from it was there? How old were you and how old your MIL? Any cumtural issues to help explain this? This is so bizarre to me I can’t even.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's a guest in your house and should be free to do as she pleases and make herself at home. You are being controlled.

Wtf? Maybe for a day but not one week. No, it’s not your house, you’re a guest. Which means you ask before you use something and you clean up after yourself all the time.

“Make yourself at home” is what people say to be kind and welcoming. It is not to be taken literally. Clean up after yourself to your host’s standards, replace items you use up immediately, ask to use things, be considerate of their space. You can’t actually treat someone else’s home like your own and leave dishes in the sink when you feel lazy, lounge on the couch all day watching tv with a snack plate etc.

You are WRONG! This is her MOTHER in law. Does OP want to have a family or not? She should feel lucky she feels so comfortable in her home. She should be grateful to have a MIL who wants to help out. SO what if it's mesy. OP can clean up or her DH can clean up. OP is being too controlling here. She needs to lighten up and enjoy her MIL and let her DH enjoy hs mother.

H can enjoy his mother in the family room while she leaves the kitchen alone. Not her house. She’s a guest. Sit down and enjoy the meals your host prepares. Maybe offer to take your hosts out once while you visit. Invading the kitchen, using everything in it, making a mess, and insisting you are breaking in the new kitchen is not your domain as a guest.

As a guest you are completely right, a normal guest would understand completely this is not their domain. A normal guest would understand this is rude. We are talking about a MIL here. They do not and choose not to understand. Which is why people say to pick your battles. Its annoying yes but if MIL wants to cook a few meals meh so what, let her. Time for a glass of wine and netflix. Kitchens dirty, I guess ask her to clean her mess or get DH to do it.

Wait until this OP's MIL does what my MIL did, which was to completely re-arrange the entire kitchen to suit how she believed a kitchen should be sorted. Moved all the plates, pots, pans everything. Threw away counter top decorations and put her own up and then re-arranged all the furniture in the dining room to what suited her. MIL making some meals and making silly little comments about breaking in the new kitchen in some weird competitive little dance. Oh let it go. Let her dance alone with that pettiness, it really means nothing.

Keep in mind if OP cooked all the meals would OP still expect to clean by herself or would she expect her guest/DH to help. I guess if people expect that they cook others clean then a little bit of help would be expected to clean up. However if this MIL makes a real mess I think asking her to help would be reasonable.

Ok, we need to hear more about this insanity. Your MIL threw out your stuff, put up her own stuff, and rearranged two rooms in your home?!? What happened when you discovered this? How did your spouse handle it? What fallout from it was there? How old were you and how old your MIL? Any cumtural issues to help explain this? This is so bizarre to me I can’t even.

I’m not this PP, but my MIL went into the closet where we keep gift wrap supplies and greeting cards as such and threw away any that she deemed unusable. I was livid when I got home. Apparently keeping smaller cut pieces of wrapping to use on tiny items later on is tacky, so she threw away the entire bin with those, deemed some of the wrapping paper and gifts bags as not to her taste, into the trash they went, etc. All because she asked if she could use some wrapping paper for H’s birthday present that she had brought in her suitcase. Then she presented the whole thing when I got home as her having done me a great favor by cleaning out my collection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having to be fed in someone else's house for a week --- there is no right answer here. No one should have to rely on the host for meals. For a week. If guests fend for themselves, then how they do it can't really be judged too harshly.

Hotel. Only good answer would have been, hotel. A week in your house Op, anyone's house, is too long.

This! Listen up in-laws! No one wants your self invited self staying at their home more than 2 days. So entitled and rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's rude because she doesn't clean up after herself.

I'd have a talk with your DH about HIM doing the extra clean up and trying to steer her away from it.

But if that fails, pour a cocktail and excuse yourself from the kitchen entirely. Ask your DH to be one step behind mummy with the cleaning and you go read somewhere else so it doesn't drive you batty.

I would do this.

[Anonymous]

I get the sense oP doesn’t like her mIL cooking so that’s part of it. I wonder if her H does like it, or if the food is just unwelcome all around. I’m also wondering if MiL is Italian or South Asian or from another culture where involved cooking is one of the most important ways that women show their love and value to the family. All the Italian and South Asian grandmas I know are like this, but they are generally actually good cooks and it’s nice to be able to stock the freezer with what they make while visiting.
My mom is also a compulsive reorganizer but I’m okay with it, which is one reason she’s comfortable staying with me for long periods but not with my brothers’ families, where she feels like she has to. Just sit and not touch anything.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you're being petty but I don't blame you! Listen up mothers-in-law... Build a good relationship with DIL from the start and she will overlook nonsense like this. Be critical, cold, or unwelcoming and you'll be walking on eggshells in your son's house because DIL will be so irritated. My best friend's MIL is always doing stuff like this (moving stuff in her kitchen, making messes, etc) and my friend doesn't even mind because her MIL adores her as a person and makes that clear. Whereas my own MIL who can barely bring herself to say my name is very unobtrusive in my house and it still annoys me when she's over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sad. Couldn't you pour 2 glasses of wine and enjoy cooking a meal together?

No, she doesn’t drink. And she doesn’t want that. My mom, my family, sure. She wants no involvement in the cooking. She wants to make a huge meal with complicated ingredients she has to send apparently that she knows my kids likely won’t like, and we make them eat regular food, but I’m talking like a fish stew, then force them to eat it and if they won’t will cluck about how they can’t possibly only eat a tortilla and cheese out of it because that is incredibly unhealthy. Then we all must ooo and ahhhhh and be amazed.

[Anonymous]

Personally this would be intolerable to me, and I'm stunned by all of the people here telling you to just endure it, drink your way through it, and make your husband deal with it (assuming he has the psychological reservoir to do so). Personally I think I would just only ever go to their house for a major meal like this.