How would you feel about this MIL taking over kitchen thing? Am I being petty?

[Anonymous]

Is MIL at least a good cook

[Anonymous]

DH does the clean up or pays and books a cleaning service.

[Anonymous]

Wine plus professional house cleaners at end of visit.

[Anonymous]

OP I would let her cook if that's what she wants to do but let her know the time you will need to organise Thanksgiving. Tell her you need to put her things away in the pantry so you are both able to prepare what you need to prepare. On this front, be very direct with her.

You say you don't want to clean up after her. You could tell her she needs to clean up and if she doesn't clean up, ask your DH to help however come Thanksgiving if you don't help her, don't expect any help in return. For this reason I would help her clean one day and get your DH to do it the next day, get her to clean as well.

I would let her cook as this is her love language and it will keep her busy meaning you don't need to entertain her. She is excited about it. I would have some wine relax and let her have her fun. I would think of it as a break from cooking for a week, Thanksgiving is a huge meal, perhaps your MIL thinks she is helping you out.

Ignore all the comments about her 'breaking in your kitchen'. Don't feed into the competition. Just tell her, that her food is amazing and she is a great cook. Then keep reminding yourself its only a week.

[Anonymous]

Having to be fed in someone else's house for a week --- there is no right answer here. No one should have to rely on the host for meals. For a week. If guests fend for themselves, then how they do it can't really be judged too harshly.

Hotel. Only good answer would have been, hotel. A week in your house Op, anyone's house, is too long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is her kitchen subpar? I’ll so, I would gracefully give her the gift of playing in a lovely kitchen. But then, I like my MIL and cleaning isn’t a huge deal. You’re cleaning dishes, wiping counters and the floor; it’s just not a huge deal. I throw on a podcast and some headphones and it’s not a huge problem.

You’re also cleaning up all the food used, packing up food, sweeping, vacuuming, washing the floor, clearing the table. It’s like a 2 hour thing. I don’t feel like doing it every night.

It really shouldn't be taking you two hours to clean a kitchen after use. What do you do when you cook? Are you cleaning 2 hours after that?

A dishwasher does the majority of work and clearing a table and packing away food is really quick. Wiping everything down does not take that long especially if others pitch in and help such as asking MIL to help or getting DH to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Book a cleaning service now for the day after Thanksgiving. Honestly I’m a neat freak too and just knowing it will be professionally cleaned if DH and his mom don’t do a good job would help to calm me down.

Agreed, although may need someone every day she's cooking. GTFO the house so you don't witness the destruction or get roped into finding ingredients for MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Book a cleaning service now for the day after Thanksgiving. Honestly I’m a neat freak too and just knowing it will be professionally cleaned if DH and his mom don’t do a good job would help to calm me down.

Not op. Cleaning services ruin my space almost without fail. Example: scouring stainless steel until it scratched. I tried a new one yesterday and they scoured the tile in my shower until some of it was scratched gray. I keep trying and try to let go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having to be fed in someone else's house for a week --- there is no right answer here. No one should have to rely on the host for meals. For a week. If guests fend for themselves, then how they do it can't really be judged too harshly.

Hotel. Only good answer would have been, hotel. A week in your house Op, anyone's house, is too long.

Nobody said she has to rely on us for food. She sleeps in, they go to lunch, they go out. It’s like a vacation. And yes, far far too long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is her kitchen subpar? I’ll so, I would gracefully give her the gift of playing in a lovely kitchen. But then, I like my MIL and cleaning isn’t a huge deal. You’re cleaning dishes, wiping counters and the floor; it’s just not a huge deal. I throw on a podcast and some headphones and it’s not a huge problem.

You’re also cleaning up all the food used, packing up food, sweeping, vacuuming, washing the floor, clearing the table. It’s like a 2 hour thing. I don’t feel like doing it every night.

It really shouldn't be taking you two hours to clean a kitchen after use. What do you do when you cook? Are you cleaning 2 hours after that?

A dishwasher does the majority of work and clearing a table and packing away food is really quick. Wiping everything down does not take that long especially if others pitch in and help such as asking MIL to help or getting DH to help.

Yes, it doesn’t when I cook. When it’s the kitchen, dining room, living room and there is a huge mess, it does. And she would never dream of helping me clean up after thanksgiving.

[Anonymous]

This just like my mom. She destroys my kitchen and usually breaks multiple things or spills stuff. Dirty wine glasses and coffee cups are left around. It’s really stressful.

[Anonymous]

She's a guest in your house and should be free to do as she pleases and make herself at home. You are being controlled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's a guest in your house and should be free to do as she pleases and make herself at home. You are being controlled.

I think there's a huge difference between making a guest feel welcome and letting them do as they please. My mother would like to rearrange everything in my house every time she visits - should I let her do that because she's a guest or am I allowed to decide where the glasses go in my kitchen and which trash bags to buy now that I'm in my 40s?

Agree with PPs who have suggested setting boundaries/time limits on the kitchen and insisting your husband communicate this to her AND be in charge of clean up. Perhaps that needs to include having a cleaner come in after the visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's a guest in your house and should be free to do as she pleases and make herself at home. You are being controlled.

I am sorry, what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wine plus professional house cleaners at end of visit.

+1

OP, if you have a normal cleaner, call them and schedule a kitchen deep clean for when MIL is done. If you don't, call a cleaning service and ask them for a quote on a one time clean or a deep clean on your kitchen. While MIL is there, go out with girlfriends for a drink or retreat to your bedroom for a bath.

My sympathies - I can't believe you're even letting her do this but you are a better person than I.