If you succeeded with ‘no food in this house,’ tell me how

[Anonymous]

Didn't you post about this last year? Why do you even plan to stay there? Go to the hotel a whole 20 minutes away, or stay home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Didn't you post about this last year? Why do you even plan to stay there? Go to the hotel a whole 20 minutes away, or stay home.

Look everybody gets to make the choice that works best for their family, but to me a hotel for this one thing seems like an overreaction.

You either get: to spend as much family time as possible during the holidays, let your kids see their grandparents (who by all accounts are perfectly fine in every other way), have the benefit of whatever food they have on hand or that you bring, plus a full kitchen to cook it in, save at least two trips of driving per day....and ignore a few annoying comments.

Or you: spend money on a few nights in a hotel, drive back and forth, and hurt some people's feelings.

To each their own, but it isn't like there is an objectively right answer here, based on what we know.

To me, I would resolve to ignore any "stares or looks" and develop one line to repeat one time, each time, a comment was made about food- and line not intended to antagonize. Maybe, "We are hungry so we're eating." and then just move the conversation along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Didn't you post about this last year? Why do you even plan to stay there? Go to the hotel a whole 20 minutes away, or stay home.

Many people post about this every year. Note how many posters have chimed in saying it’s the same/similar for them in every thread!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re about to go visit ILs for Thanksgiving, and it’s the typical story: there is no food in the house, they are weird about food, they hover/monitor/observe food preparation and consumption, they “close the kitchen,” etc.

We’ve tried sticking up for ourselves by bringing our own food and going out when we need to, and still they whine and grumble and criticize. I’m willing to ignore those antics, because at the end of the day, I’m not going to make myself or my kids uncomfortable, or teach my kids that it isn’t OK to eat three meals a day. (ILs only eat two meals a day and make a big production about how breakfast should be light because “it will be a big dinner,” and it’s not.) But I’d prefer not to hear grumbling, and wonder if anyone has managed to solve this problem without poking the bear. TIA for any productive advice!

Poke the bear. That's my advice.

I'd ignore any looks but I'd respond directly to comments or whining. "The kids need three meals so we're going out to lunch. No need for commentary, Joe. Would you like to come along and have a cup of coffee?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These posts are mind boggling. Grown-ass, hard working adults are actually spending their vacation time staying in a house where their basic food needs are not met. OP is CHOOSING to do this!!! At what point do OP and her spouse say, “Enough.” Or is this some kind of pain competition to see who can have the most dreadful experience?

There’s a damn hotel nearby, and OP is trying to do some gymnastics to avoid going there.

OP—Grow up and be the adult parents that your kids need you to be. Get a hotel or stay home.

This exactly. I also don't understand why adults with children need to follow other people's rules. Stay in a hotel.

[Anonymous]

This would make me crazy and fortunately isn’t my experience but I can see how this happens. There’s plenty of food overall at my in-laws and they are have used bring more, go out, whatever but my MIL eats tiny portions and FIL has lost weight recently so their idea of dinner might be 2oz pasta for the two of them and three meatballs divided. I have teens and can make a box of pasta for just our family and maybe 4 meatballs/person. They just aren’t used to the quantities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I put my frigging foot down. No, Parent or in-law, my kids will not go hungry because you have become a lunatic.

You follow my rules when it comes to feeding my kids.

What is wrong with you people?

+1

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I put my frigging foot down. No, Parent or in-law, my kids will not go hungry because you have become a lunatic.

You follow my rules when it comes to feeding my kids.

What is wrong with you people?

+1

+2

The OP said in the first post that she was feeding her kids and nobody was going hungry, literally NOT following the in-laws rules. Do you read?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re about to go visit ILs for Thanksgiving, and it’s the typical story: there is no food in the house, they are weird about food, they hover/monitor/observe food preparation and consumption, they “close the kitchen,” etc.

We’ve tried sticking up for ourselves by bringing our own food and going out when we need to, and still they whine and grumble and criticize. I’m willing to ignore those antics, because at the end of the day, I’m not going to make myself or my kids uncomfortable, or teach my kids that it isn’t OK to eat three meals a day. (ILs only eat two meals a day and make a big production about how breakfast should be light because “it will be a big dinner,” and it’s not.) But I’d prefer not to hear grumbling, and wonder if anyone has managed to solve this problem without poking the bear. TIA for any productive advice!

Poke the bear. That's my advice.

I'd ignore any looks but I'd respond directly to comments or whining. "The kids need three meals so we're going out to lunch. No need for commentary, Joe. Would you like to come along and have a cup of coffee?"

This sounds about right.

I suggested upthread. Ignore the stares and looks, make one neutral comment, consistently, in response to anything they say that you perceive as snarky or judgmental.

They either stop doing it or they don't. Either way, you've modeled good behavior for your kids and kept them fed. And you haven't escalated, caused hurt feelings, or limited the time your kids get to spend with their grandparents.

[Anonymous]

My mother was the opposite. She had a continuing buffet going 16 hours a day. You would have sneak to eat out as she had so much good food available the time. And no…family members were not overweight. She did this mostly only over the holidays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing about this is a “typical story” and the fact that you are framing it that way suggests that you have normalized this in your own head to a dangerous extent.

Stay outside this home, do it for a short time, and serve your kids regular meals and snacks if they need them no matter what.

NP. If you’ve been on DCUM for a while, this is indeed a thing that seems to happen a lot when younger families visit older adults. Don’t believe me? Use the handy Search function and type in “no food in this house,” “ILs,” “visiting parents,” “starving,” etc. So get off your high horse. Anyone with critical thinking skills can deduce:

1) Many older adults stop eating as much and don’t remember what it’s like to have a healthy appetite
2) Dementia and early onset dementia are contributing factors
3) Depression-era food wasting/food scarcity/economic instability is in play
4) WASP-y eating disorders are in play

So yeah, in the world of DCUM, this is a thing, and it’s been discussed many times on these very boards.

It's not normal under any circumstances. Sorry, not sorry.

[Anonymous]

OP, I’m sorry! This situation is weird and difficult! I’ve honestly never been around anyone who made a comment about me giving my kid a string cheese.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing about this is a “typical story” and the fact that you are framing it that way suggests that you have normalized this in your own head to a dangerous extent.

Stay outside this home, do it for a short time, and serve your kids regular meals and snacks if they need them no matter what.

NP. If you’ve been on DCUM for a while, this is indeed a thing that seems to happen a lot when younger families visit older adults. Don’t believe me? Use the handy Search function and type in “no food in this house,” “ILs,” “visiting parents,” “starving,” etc. So get off your high horse. Anyone with critical thinking skills can deduce:

1) Many older adults stop eating as much and don’t remember what it’s like to have a healthy appetite
2) Dementia and early onset dementia are contributing factors
3) Depression-era food wasting/food scarcity/economic instability is in play
4) WASP-y eating disorders are in play

So yeah, in the world of DCUM, this is a thing, and it’s been discussed many times on these very boards.

It's not normal under any circumstances. Sorry, not sorry.

Fascinating, you are posting from 2012? I must warn you about a great pandemic that is going to happen in late 2019. Stock up on masks, toilet paper, Clorox wipes, and be sure to use all your airline miles before December 2019. Also, buy stock in Pfizer.

[Anonymous]

Bring a cooler full of food. Put it in the fridge or pantry. Make it clear it’s for everyone. Eat when you choose to eat. Restock as necessary. If they complain, smile and tell them you are hungry.

Old people get weird. Ignore it. Be polite. Feed your family. Or, host in your home.

[Anonymous]

They literally have no food? I’m confused.