If you succeeded with ‘no food in this house,’ tell me how

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re about to go visit ILs for Thanksgiving, and it’s the typical story: there is no food in the house, they are weird about food, they hover/monitor/observe food preparation and consumption, they “close the kitchen,” etc.

We’ve tried sticking up for ourselves by bringing our own food and going out when we need to, and still they whine and grumble and criticize. I’m willing to ignore those antics, because at the end of the day, I’m not going to make myself or my kids uncomfortable, or teach my kids that it isn’t OK to eat three meals a day. (ILs only eat two meals a day and make a big production about how breakfast should be light because “it will be a big dinner,” and it’s not.) But I’d prefer not to hear grumbling, and wonder if anyone has managed to solve this problem without poking the bear. TIA for any productive advice!

OP, did you post months ago about same in laws micromanaging food you eat?

I would N-E-V-E-R let them ruin my kids Thanksgiving. Hellllls no!!!! And I'm the first poster on this site to argue in favor of eating crow for the sake of family. But Thanksgiving is a holiday about FOOD. Just stand your ground. Tell them you decided to try making your own meal this year and are excited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother was the opposite. She had a continuing buffet going 16 hours a day. You would have sneak to eat out as she had so much good food available the time. And no…family members were not overweight. She did this mostly only over the holidays.

Love your mom and I'm taking note of all of this. Still feeding teens, but sending my future self calendar reminders that kids are hungry. And they should be fed. Often. And without judgement.

Good luck to you OP.

[Anonymous]

Op - never use hotel as a threat. It's truly what most people ought to do. Everyone gets along better, are on better behavior, when they get some time apart.

[Anonymous]

Hotel wtf
Or better yet let them visit you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn't you post about this last year? Why do you even plan to stay there? Go to the hotel a whole 20 minutes away, or stay home.

Look everybody gets to make the choice that works best for their family, but to me a hotel for this one thing seems like an overreaction.

You either get: to spend as much family time as possible during the holidays, let your kids see their grandparents (who by all accounts are perfectly fine in every other way), have the benefit of whatever food they have on hand or that you bring, plus a full kitchen to cook it in, save at least two trips of driving per day....and ignore a few annoying comments.

Or you: spend money on a few nights in a hotel, drive back and forth, and hurt some people's feelings.

To each their own, but it isn't like there is an objectively right answer here, based on what we know.

To me, I would resolve to ignore any "stares or looks" and develop one line to repeat one time, each time, a comment was made about food- and line not intended to antagonize. Maybe, "We are hungry so we're eating." and then just move the conversation along.

What say when MIL says, "how can you be hungry after that huge last meal we had? What is that you're making, a burrito or something?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn't you post about this last year? Why do you even plan to stay there? Go to the hotel a whole 20 minutes away, or stay home.

Look everybody gets to make the choice that works best for their family, but to me a hotel for this one thing seems like an overreaction.

You either get: to spend as much family time as possible during the holidays, let your kids see their grandparents (who by all accounts are perfectly fine in every other way), have the benefit of whatever food they have on hand or that you bring, plus a full kitchen to cook it in, save at least two trips of driving per day....and ignore a few annoying comments.

Or you: spend money on a few nights in a hotel, drive back and forth, and hurt some people's feelings.

To each their own, but it isn't like there is an objectively right answer here, based on what we know.

To me, I would resolve to ignore any "stares or looks" and develop one line to repeat one time, each time, a comment was made about food- and line not intended to antagonize. Maybe, "We are hungry so we're eating." and then just move the conversation along.

What say when MIL says, "how can you be hungry after that huge last meal we had? What is that you're making, a burrito or something?"

“We are hungry, so we are eating”

Is that difficult?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re about to go visit ILs for Thanksgiving, and it’s the typical story: there is no food in the house, they are weird about food, they hover/monitor/observe food preparation and consumption, they “close the kitchen,” etc.

We’ve tried sticking up for ourselves by bringing our own food and going out when we need to, and still they whine and grumble and criticize. I’m willing to ignore those antics, because at the end of the day, I’m not going to make myself or my kids uncomfortable, or teach my kids that it isn’t OK to eat three meals a day. (ILs only eat two meals a day and make a big production about how breakfast should be light because “it will be a big dinner,” and it’s not.) But I’d prefer not to hear grumbling, and wonder if anyone has managed to solve this problem without poking the bear. TIA for any productive advice!

OP, did you post months ago about same in laws micromanaging food you eat?

I would N-E-V-E-R let them ruin my kids Thanksgiving. Hellllls no!!!! And I'm the first poster on this site to argue in favor of eating crow for the sake of family. But Thanksgiving is a holiday about FOOD. Just stand your ground. Tell them you decided to try making your own meal this year and are excited.

Oh - you again. The poster who doesn’t know how to use “eating crow” properly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope all the other cultures are taking note of why "americans so easily cut off family" -- at least you guys are getting fed!

Yeah, I grew up in an Eastern European family where too little food was never an issue. My mother and aunts might have a host of personality issues, but if they ever suspected one of their guests might leave the table hungry, they would have committed ritual suicide due to the shame. I’ve found this to be true of people of all non-WASP backgrounds.

Letting your guests go hungry is the sign of a terrible person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They literally have no food? I’m confused.

I believe it. I've been on a visit to my (thankfully now ex) in laws where the host had made a pot of soup for a big group that she expected to be the food for the entire long weekend. That was it. For me, the vegetarian, there was a bowl of pasta salad. Other than that there was a loaf of bread, oil, basic spices, maybe some dry beans, oh and a tub of margarine. She screeched in protest at the top of her lungs as some of us headed out to get groceries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re about to go visit ILs for Thanksgiving, and it’s the typical story: there is no food in the house, they are weird about food, they hover/monitor/observe food preparation and consumption, they “close the kitchen,” etc.

We’ve tried sticking up for ourselves by bringing our own food and going out when we need to, and still they whine and grumble and criticize. I’m willing to ignore those antics, because at the end of the day, I’m not going to make myself or my kids uncomfortable, or teach my kids that it isn’t OK to eat three meals a day. (ILs only eat two meals a day and make a big production about how breakfast should be light because “it will be a big dinner,” and it’s not.) But I’d prefer not to hear grumbling, and wonder if anyone has managed to solve this problem without poking the bear. TIA for any productive advice!

Your kids MUST be little. Because if you had teens no way in hell would you even entertain this level of management.

Last night for dinner we had 1.5in pork chops, loaded baked potato, and roasted broccoli. My 15 yr old ate everything and then immediately made himself a grilled cheese sandwich.

My kids would be miserable.

You really need to be an adult and tell these abusers to kick rocks.

[Anonymous]

We have family we visit and they are poor food planners. Never enough. It's bizarre. We just pack a cooler with. Ton of prepared meals we can microwave or easily assemble. Only issue is other people start digging into our cooled which is infuriating.

If the host said something to me I'd just shrug. My kids. My rules.

[Anonymous]

I love love love these post every year. The food people are crazy. It wasnt until I joined dcum that I realized this was a thing although I've run across friends and family members my whole life who starve you. Seriously, I spent a vacation with a friend and they ordered 1 xl pizza for 5 adults and e kids. They expected everyone to be full. My kids were starting and they got upset when I left at 10pm and had to get my kid fast food. The kitchen was clean and closed according to them.

[Anonymous]

I’m an intermittent faster so your IL’s would be right up my ally! 😁

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re about to go visit ILs for Thanksgiving, and it’s the typical story: there is no food in the house, they are weird about food, they hover/monitor/observe food preparation and consumption, they “close the kitchen,” etc.

We’ve tried sticking up for ourselves by bringing our own food and going out when we need to, and still they whine and grumble and criticize. I’m willing to ignore those antics, because at the end of the day, I’m not going to make myself or my kids uncomfortable, or teach my kids that it isn’t OK to eat three meals a day. (ILs only eat two meals a day and make a big production about how breakfast should be light because “it will be a big dinner,” and it’s not.) But I’d prefer not to hear grumbling, and wonder if anyone has managed to solve this problem without poking the bear. TIA for any productive advice!

Your kids MUST be little. Because if you had teens no way in hell would you even entertain this level of management.

Last night for dinner we had 1.5in pork chops, loaded baked potato, and roasted broccoli. My 15 yr old ate everything and then immediately made himself a grilled cheese sandwich.

My kids would be miserable.

Your kids will be obese adults if they are not already. Sad.

You really need to be an adult and tell these abusers to kick rocks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m an intermittent faster so your IL’s would be right up my ally! 😁

OK? Some of us are breastfeeding moms or have growing kids/tweens/teens. And others of us are runners, swimmers or other exercisers who actually burn calories each and every day. So you stay in your ALLEY and don’t expect other people to follow fad diets.