If you succeeded with ‘no food in this house,’ tell me how

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This must be an American thing. Between my Russian, Armenian and Arab sides of the family, the women would feel compelled to throw ashes on their heads and then throw themselves off the town walls, Masada style, if there was ever a whisper that guests left their house hungry. I mean they would prefer someone to declare their daughter a whore than to blame them for not feeding their guests enough food.

Leaving cooking and hosting solely to women must be a Russian/Armenian and Arab thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This must be an American thing. Between my Russian, Armenian and Arab sides of the family, the women would feel compelled to throw ashes on their heads and then throw themselves off the town walls, Masada style, if there was ever a whisper that guests left their house hungry. I mean they would prefer someone to declare their daughter a whore than to blame them for not feeding their guests enough food.

+1 and I am Italian and Ashkenazi Jewish. This thread shocks me in its weirdness and apparently commonness. AMericans just have no middle ground.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This must be an American thing. Between my Russian, Armenian and Arab sides of the family, the women would feel compelled to throw ashes on their heads and then throw themselves off the town walls, Masada style, if there was ever a whisper that guests left their house hungry. I mean they would prefer someone to declare their daughter a whore than to blame them for not feeding their guests enough food.

Leaving cooking and hosting solely to women must be a Russian/Armenian and Arab thing.

I responded below. No, it is traditional that women host. But I am the Jewish/Italian poster and in my Italian side's house, my grandfather cooked and he was phenomenal at it. There would have been little worse than no food. The idea that you leave people hungry when guests in your house is just horrifying, especially children. What 3 year old is a glutton being fed the meals the PPs are discussing?

I'd love to see the thread on the hosts who ration toilet paper and showers...it seems less shocking to me than this stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This must be an American thing. Between my Russian, Armenian and Arab sides of the family, the women would feel compelled to throw ashes on their heads and then throw themselves off the town walls, Masada style, if there was ever a whisper that guests left their house hungry. I mean they would prefer someone to declare their daughter a whore than to blame them for not feeding their guests enough food.

Leaving cooking and hosting solely to women must be a Russian/Armenian and Arab thing.

Leaving hosting terribly and fomenting eating disorders solely to the women must be a WASP thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This must be an American thing. Between my Russian, Armenian and Arab sides of the family, the women would feel compelled to throw ashes on their heads and then throw themselves off the town walls, Masada style, if there was ever a whisper that guests left their house hungry. I mean they would prefer someone to declare their daughter a whore than to blame them for not feeding their guests enough food.

This is hilarious.
America is a melting pot so it really depends on so many things. I don't think it's an American thing since I know plenty of families, including my own, that would stuff you, send you home with leftovers.

[Anonymous]

I guess I would make my spouse - their child - deal with them on it if it's a problem for our family.

I think I would ideally want him to say something like this is what we want to do for food - we will bring our own food and/or go out to eat. If that's a problem - we will stay at a hotel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re about to go visit ILs for Thanksgiving, and it’s the typical story: there is no food in the house, they are weird about food, they hover/monitor/observe food preparation and consumption, they “close the kitchen,” etc.

We’ve tried sticking up for ourselves by bringing our own food and going out when we need to, and still they whine and grumble and criticize. I’m willing to ignore those antics, because at the end of the day, I’m not going to make myself or my kids uncomfortable, or teach my kids that it isn’t OK to eat three meals a day. (ILs only eat two meals a day and make a big production about how breakfast should be light because “it will be a big dinner,” and it’s not.) But I’d prefer not to hear grumbling, and wonder if anyone has managed to solve this problem without poking the bear. TIA for any productive advice!

You already said that you feed your children. No one can stop the inlaws from grumbling except the inlaws. You can change how you react to that grumbling since you have control over you, but you can't control the grumbling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Jewish parents and inlaws serve a ton of food and then comment on the calories while people eat it. Still better than no food but it's extremely annoying. Every conversation is about calories and weight. I don't want my kids exposed to that. Also, half the time my inlaws decline servings of things because "we are watching our portions!" but then they eat everyone else's leftovers.

Yeah I think this is a New Englander-y thing? The same people who keep their homes real cold and wear tattered clothing because it's fine but die with multiples of millions in the bank.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Topics encouraged for discussion at every visit: the fatness of FIL’s sister and it’s complementary topic, the discipline of MIL.

I hate to know: Is FIL fat or disciplined?

He is disciplined and not overweight, but not as much as disordered MIL. They like to discuss the weight of other family members, and reference, each visit, that MIL weighed the same when she left the hospital after having DH as she did before she got pregnant. I was first informed of this when I was 7 months pregnant.

I will never forget a colleague’s retirement party. All the work accolades were about her intelligence and compassion and work ethic. Then her husband got up to make a speech and said her biggest accomplishment was still weighing the same amount as when she graduated from college.

[Anonymous]

Oh puke. But funny I hope. I hope he went on to say more positive things about her as a person, wife, mom, friend.

[Anonymous]

Hotel.

[Anonymous]

Older people need less calories and eat less. My parents have two meals a day now as well.

It sounds like your in-laws hate waste and are frugal. I would buy everything you need to eat yourself. I would also go out to eat if you want.

If anything is said I would just say that kids need more calories as they are growing and that when you are younger its normal to eat three meals a day but you understand that's too much for them. Say you don't like being judged for something that is normal for you. If they continue on I would tell them you find it unpleasant and next time you will stay in a hotel.

Then next visit stay in a hotel or lessen the days you spend there. Honestly it doesn't sound like much fun worrying about how you are going to eat when you are hungry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh puke. But funny I hope. I hope he went on to say more positive things about her as a person, wife, mom, friend.

Nope that was it really. Well that and looking so good after birthing his children. She nodded and smiled enthusiastically so I guess she was happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This must be an American thing. Between my Russian, Armenian and Arab sides of the family, the women would feel compelled to throw ashes on their heads and then throw themselves off the town walls, Masada style, if there was ever a whisper that guests left their house hungry. I mean they would prefer someone to declare their daughter a whore than to blame them for not feeding their guests enough food.

Leaving cooking and hosting solely to women must be a Russian/Armenian and Arab thing.

NP - Ah, no, this is quite common in American WASP families and other white American families as well. Have you been to the South?

[Anonymous]

Start with “the children’s doctor is clear th at they need 3 meals and 2 snacks each day”.

Leave the house and go out to lunch.
Bring your own fruit, cereal, and protein bars.