If you succeeded with ‘no food in this house,’ tell me how

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It’s a semi-rural location, but we can go to a diner (and have) when they pull antics like not serving lunch. At the end of the day, DH and I do what we need to do to feed ourselves and our kids, and of course we always clean up after ourselves. We don’t mindlessly snack, but if the kids are hungry, we give them a string cheese and ignore the glares.

I guess we just have to either keep dealing with the glares and comments, or yes, hotel. (I can’t imagine getting an Air BnB in this rural NJ/PA location.) The hotel is like 20 minutes away, but maybe worth it. I think I’ll ask DH what he thinks of telling them, “Unless you promise not to make food a big deal, we’re going to stay in a hotel. Which do you prefer?”

You could phrase it differently if you have the energy. "We know we have a different attitude and needs around meals and the kids. I noticed its stressed you out in the past so if you prefer we will stay in a hotel and then you will be less bothered by it". Your dh says this of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It’s a semi-rural location, but we can go to a diner (and have) when they pull antics like not serving lunch. At the end of the day, DH and I do what we need to do to feed ourselves and our kids, and of course we always clean up after ourselves. We don’t mindlessly snack, but if the kids are hungry, we give them a string cheese and ignore the glares.

I guess we just have to either keep dealing with the glares and comments, or yes, hotel. (I can’t imagine getting an Air BnB in this rural NJ/PA location.) The hotel is like 20 minutes away, but maybe worth it. I think I’ll ask DH what he thinks of telling them, “Unless you promise not to make food a big deal, we’re going to stay in a hotel. Which do you prefer?”

No, you tell them without asking their opinion, and if asked, you tell them why. If other complaints arise, you say calmly that you will stop visiting if they continue to harass you.

I would never in a million years stay with people like this, or tolerate such rudeness without speaking up.

[Anonymous]

Ignore or stay in a hotel or skip altogether . Don’t waste time trying to change their minds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It’s a semi-rural location, but we can go to a diner (and have) when they pull antics like not serving lunch. At the end of the day, DH and I do what we need to do to feed ourselves and our kids, and of course we always clean up after ourselves. We don’t mindlessly snack, but if the kids are hungry, we give them a string cheese and ignore the glares.

I guess we just have to either keep dealing with the glares and comments, or yes, hotel. (I can’t imagine getting an Air BnB in this rural NJ/PA location.) The hotel is like 20 minutes away, but maybe worth it. I think I’ll ask DH what he thinks of telling them, “Unless you promise not to make food a big deal, we’re going to stay in a hotel. Which do you prefer?”

Don’t do this. It will backfire. They will, of course, say yes. Then you’ll get there and they’ll make a big deal about food. The ball will be in your court to hold yourselves accountable to follow through on that ultimatum. A thousand dollars says you and dh will give a heavy sigh, roll your eyes and continue to stay there. You won’t have the balls to just pick up your kids and leave. You will then confirm to the ILs that you don’t mean what you say and they can just continue to be annoying about food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It’s a semi-rural location, but we can go to a diner (and have) when they pull antics like not serving lunch. At the end of the day, DH and I do what we need to do to feed ourselves and our kids, and of course we always clean up after ourselves. We don’t mindlessly snack, but if the kids are hungry, we give them a string cheese and ignore the glares.

I guess we just have to either keep dealing with the glares and comments, or yes, hotel. (I can’t imagine getting an Air BnB in this rural NJ/PA location.) The hotel is like 20 minutes away, but maybe worth it. I think I’ll ask DH what he thinks of telling them, “Unless you promise not to make food a big deal, we’re going to stay in a hotel. Which do you prefer?”

Why give them a choice? Just inform them that you’ll be staying separately.

[Anonymous]

This is 100% on you, OP.
You can try to take a stand or you can continue to grin and bear it.

[Anonymous]

These posts are mind boggling. Grown-ass, hard working adults are actually spending their vacation time staying in a house where their basic food needs are not met. OP is CHOOSING to do this!!! At what point do OP and her spouse say, “Enough.” Or is this some kind of pain competition to see who can have the most dreadful experience?

There’s a damn hotel nearby, and OP is trying to do some gymnastics to avoid going there.

OP—Grow up and be the adult parents that your kids need you to be. Get a hotel or stay home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It’s a semi-rural location, but we can go to a diner (and have) when they pull antics like not serving lunch. At the end of the day, DH and I do what we need to do to feed ourselves and our kids, and of course we always clean up after ourselves. We don’t mindlessly snack, but if the kids are hungry, we give them a string cheese and ignore the glares.

I guess we just have to either keep dealing with the glares and comments, or yes, hotel. (I can’t imagine getting an Air BnB in this rural NJ/PA location.) The hotel is like 20 minutes away, but maybe worth it. I think I’ll ask DH what he thinks of telling them, “Unless you promise not to make food a big deal, we’re going to stay in a hotel. Which do you prefer?”

Don’t do this. It will backfire. They will, of course, say yes. Then you’ll get there and they’ll make a big deal about food. The ball will be in your court to hold yourselves accountable to follow through on that ultimatum. A thousand dollars says you and dh will give a heavy sigh, roll your eyes and continue to stay there. You won’t have the balls to just pick up your kids and leave. You will then confirm to the ILs that you don’t mean what you say and they can just continue to be annoying about food.

Actually, DH has already said he’s tired of this dynamic and he’s willing to stay in a hotel. So I actually am confident that he and I will both leave. -OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These posts are mind boggling. Grown-ass, hard working adults are actually spending their vacation time staying in a house where their basic food needs are not met. OP is CHOOSING to do this!!! At what point do OP and her spouse say, “Enough.” Or is this some kind of pain competition to see who can have the most dreadful experience?

There’s a damn hotel nearby, and OP is trying to do some gymnastics to avoid going there.

OP—Grow up and be the adult parents that your kids need you to be. Get a hotel or stay home.

OP said she provides food for her family, and doesn't let the IL's views actually impact when and what they eat. How is that poor parenting or not being an adult?

[Anonymous]

Have your husband talk with them now. Explain that his family does not feel welcome in their home, as they are browbeaten for eating when hungry. Ask if they would prefer that you stay in a hotel and just show up for a visit closer to the Thanksgiving meal time.

[Anonymous]

1) Don’t Rule out Air Bnb until you have looked at the offerings. A lot of rural places have super cozy and fun farm stays. Just read the reviews and make sure they have lots of them!

2) Book somewhere else to stay and just tell them as a done deal. Having a big conversation beforehand won’t change anything. Eat a hearty breakfast at the hotel, go visit, take a drive to the diner for lunch, go back and visit. Eat dinner with them and then have snacks available to supplement afterwards as needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stay in a hotel.

This. Their house, their crazy and rude rules. The only way out is get a hotel room.

[Anonymous]

“We like a big breakfast, barb. We have reservations at pancake pantry at 8:15 let us know if you’d like to join!”

I go out to dunkin every single morning I’m with my in laws and have for 20 years. They thought it was absolutely crazy for about five years but now they’re completely fine, will sometimes have bring them something.

[Anonymous]

Stay in a hotel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not a typical story.
Just ignore the grumbling. You can’t control that. Keep what you are doing and stop engaging on the rest.

Is this your first holiday season on DCUM? Never heard of Burger King Lady? This is a situation that many DCUM posters have dealt with at Thanksgiving or Christmas, and there have been many excellent and entertaining threads about it.

OP, I’m sorry that your family is dealing with this. I’d go the hotel route, eat a big breakfast, and then spend the afternoons and evenings with them. I’d make sure they knew they were welcome to visit you as well so they don’t feel rejected. I wonder why it is that so many people develop anxieties around food as they age? Anyone know if this phenomenon has been studied?