DH left gas stove on overnight

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I get where you are coming from. I think you are most upset not that he screwed up but by the fact that he doesn’t seem to recognize the seriousness of what he did which makes you wary of trusting him in the future. It is absolutely logical. Yes everyone has a story about how they almost killed their baby. Everyone is also generally horrified at the fact that they almost killed their baby. And this whole sexist idea that big strong men cannot possibly be able to accept any criticism and will naturally and understandably quit doing things if the wife is anything but “you’re the best dad ever.” That’s total BS.

What planet do you live on? And by the way, how's your marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stuff happens. Give your husband a break. Treat him the way you want to be treated when you screw up majorly - because it’s not an if. Everyone does.

He just said “I’m sorry” but is acting like NBD since nothing happened and accuses me of overreacting. It must be bad for the baby to have been breathing all that in overnight?? He says I’m crazy

He's right. You're wrong. Have you been screened for post partum anxiety? Your reaction is not normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your risk was of a giant explosion. There was no carbon monoxide poisoning. Not that one is much better than the other.

This was my thought too, it’s not a CO2 risk. If it were really that bad they would’ve smelled it likely. But the answer now is that there should be a gas detector (in addition to CO2 detector) in the vicinity of all gas appliances. I’m a pretty big stickler about this and have caught a small gas leak before near our dryer that even the gas company was impressed I discovered. There’s no point getting mad at DH because everyone messes up. Learn a lesson and move on.

Please please please get yourself a CO2 detector and then let us know how it works!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be furious at my husband too OP.

There are certain mistakes that just shouldn’t be made, even once.
Leaving a gas stove on all night is one of them.

When if for instance your husband left a candle 🕯 on overnight and your entire house burned down because the candle was too close to a curtain, etc.
Even if it only happened ONCE - his carelessness would still be infuriating.
Same if I accidentally hit a parked car while backing up.

Considering you have a baby in the home, your husband should definitely have been much more careful.

If I accidentally hit a parked car and my husband was then “furious” with me, we would have a hard time. His fury would be uncalled for, and I wouldn’t tolerate being the brunt of that. Everyone makes mistakes. It’s one thing to point out a mistake, or to continually make the same mistake - but to launch into fury over one regretted incident is not only pointless but also hurtful.

Exactly. Who wants to be married to someone who would be furious with them if they accidentally hit a parked car?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I get where you are coming from. I think you are most upset not that he screwed up but by the fact that he doesn’t seem to recognize the seriousness of what he did which makes you wary of trusting him in the future. It is absolutely logical. Yes everyone has a story about how they almost killed their baby. Everyone is also generally horrified at the fact that they almost killed their baby. And this whole sexist idea that big strong men cannot possibly be able to accept any criticism and will naturally and understandably quit doing things if the wife is anything but “you’re the best dad ever.” That’s total BS.

What planet do you live on? And by the way, how's your marriage?

Earth. 26 years happily married. I married an adult man who takes things seriously and isn’t so emotionally frail that he cannot take responsibility for his screw ups as do I.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was your baby sleeping next to the stove? Do you live in a studio? I wouldn’t be concerned about this but do call your pediatrician for reassurance. I have 4 kids and I’ve never thought to wait until the faucet is off to put my baby in the tub.

+1

OP I'm not saying this judgmentally but you sound anxious and might want to focus on your anxiety. I was anxious for the first few years of my kids lives too (lack of sleep, financial stress, work stress) and looking back now I really wish I'd handled it better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stuff happens. Give your husband a break. Treat him the way you want to be treated when you screw up majorly - because it’s not an if. Everyone does.

He just said “I’m sorry” but is acting like NBD since nothing happened and accuses me of overreacting. It must be bad for the baby to have been breathing all that in overnight?? He says I’m crazy

He's right. You're wrong. Have you been screened for post partum anxiety? Your reaction is not normal.

+1 Did you have anxiety issues before children? I think you should get this addressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re both tired from dealing with a new baby. It’s been a slog. I mean this kindly, but you just haven’t done your stupid thing yet. You will.

+1. Having a baby is tough. You need to give each other a break or you will never make it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stuff happens. Give your husband a break. Treat him the way you want to be treated when you screw up majorly - because it’s not an if. Everyone does.

He just said “I’m sorry” but is acting like NBD since nothing happened and accuses me of overreacting. It must be bad for the baby to have been breathing all that in overnight?? He says I’m crazy

He's right. You're wrong. Have you been screened for post partum anxiety? Your reaction is not normal.

+1 Did you have anxiety issues before children? I think you should get this addressed.

+2 Been there, done that--wish I'd reached out for help bc I didn't know. Please look into this so you can enjoy your new little family!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not ideal, but nothing happened. I’d be much more concerned if there was a pattern of carelessness. One time let it go. You’re fine. The baby is fine.

The other day, he filled the tub as the baby sat in the tub. I’ve told him not to do that before because there is a risk of scalding baby. He says it’s fine because he’s already tested the water before putting baby in- well guess what happened? When he reached to turn off the faucet, his hands weren’t supporting baby and baby fell backwards in the tub.

He’s super careful and never makes mistakes at work, and I feel like he doesn’t take the same care at home at all. He says I am too careful and over vigilant.

Yikes. Keep a log so you know for sure if there is a frequent pattern of carelessness at home. If there is, get a nanny or Au pair.

[Anonymous]

Safety is not a mistake.

Full stop.

[Anonymous]

OP, it was a mistake, he is sorry, by grace of God you are all ok. Just please go buy CO2 alarms to plug into an outlet in kitchen and hallway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not ideal, but nothing happened. I’d be much more concerned if there was a pattern of carelessness. One time let it go. You’re fine. The baby is fine.

The other day, he filled the tub as the baby sat in the tub. I’ve told him not to do that before because there is a risk of scalding baby. He says it’s fine because he’s already tested the water before putting baby in- well guess what happened? When he reached to turn off the faucet, his hands weren’t supporting baby and baby fell backwards in the tub.

He’s super careful and never makes mistakes at work, and I feel like he doesn’t take the same care at home at all. He says I am too careful and over vigilant.

I have never waited for the tub to fill before putting in the kid. I would expect an 11 month old to be reasonably good at sitting up. I assume he immediate righted the baby afterwards? I agree that you sound anxious and hypercritical.

I think her point was how myopically her spouse thinks. He can’t even support a floppy baby in a full tub be turn the faucet off at the same time. It’s like he can’t anticipate anything - ie kid falling backwards in the tub. He doesn’t have adult-like habits - ie turn off the gas stove once done cooking. I bet the list will go in and on.

This kind of mindblindness and accident prone ness is scary to live with, esp w young children.

[Anonymous]

How are the rest of his executive functioning skills at home? Bad? Does he exhaust himself at the office keeping it all together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I'd be furious too, OP.

All these people saying YOU're the problem are a little too casual with risk, in my opinion.

My husband has ADHD, and does well at work because he takes it seriously and makes an effort to focus. However outside of work, he loses things regularly, forgets appointments, is late for everything, and has made multiple child-safety mistakes that I find stressful, like wanting to leave the babies in the car while he runs errands, getting out the large kitchen scissors to cut a baby's nails... things that no one in his right mind would do. It increases my stress levels and makes me not trust him.

So, hang in there.

Wtf. Zero common sense.