Men staying in marriage “for the childcare”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Haven't read all the replies. I stay for 24/7 access to my kids. Our marriage is done from a romantic and sexual level but we get along fine. She is a SAHM so I am encouraging her to get a job for her own benefit and if we split.

If she served me with divorce papers, I wouldn't fight it but I would insist on shared custody.

Exactly. I’m so busy and important I want “access” to my kids when and where is convenient for me.
My SAHM is the childcare and housekeeper. Works for me.

[Anonymous]

how caring. no mention of caring or teaching or coaching or parenting the kids. only on demand access. like an ego prop.

lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Haven't read all the replies. I stay for 24/7 access to my kids. Our marriage is done from a romantic and sexual level but we get along fine. She is a SAHM so I am encouraging her to get a job for her own benefit and if we split.

If she served me with divorce papers, I wouldn't fight it but I would insist on shared custody.

Exactly. I’m so busy and important I want “access” to my kids when and where is convenient for me.
My SAHM is the childcare and housekeeper. Works for me.

This gets to the crux of one of the reasons men stay: They want to keep their family intact because they think the wife is doing a good job raising them and keeping the family and household running, and the men enjoy the benefit of seeing their kids whenever they want 100% on the men's schedule without the men having to solo parent 50% of the time or run their own household. It's a lot more than OP's claim of just "childcare" as if that could be done by anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Haven't read all the replies. I stay for 24/7 access to my kids. Our marriage is done from a romantic and sexual level but we get along fine. She is a SAHM so I am encouraging her to get a job for her own benefit and if we split.

If she served me with divorce papers, I wouldn't fight it but I would insist on shared custody.

Exactly. I’m so busy and important I want “access” to my kids when and where is convenient for me.
My SAHM is the childcare and housekeeper. Works for me.

This gets to the crux of one of the reasons men stay: They want to keep their family intact because they think the wife is doing a good job raising them and keeping the family and household running, and the men enjoy the benefit of seeing their kids whenever they want 100% on the men's schedule without the men having to solo parent 50% of the time or run their own household. It's a lot more than OP's claim of just "childcare" as if that could be done by anyone.

I am the OP of this thread and you are only getting part of it. Yes, my wife is a good mom and good at raising them but that's not why I stay. I stay because in general it's better for kids to be in two parent households and we have far more resources to parent together than if we divorced. And we both get to see them all the time; if I had 50% custody she wouldn't see them as often. I am making a sacrifice of my well-being for the sake of my kids, I am sure my wife is as well. Both of us would be happier with new partners, from a romantic perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Haven't read all the replies. I stay for 24/7 access to my kids. Our marriage is done from a romantic and sexual level but we get along fine. She is a SAHM so I am encouraging her to get a job for her own benefit and if we split.

If she served me with divorce papers, I wouldn't fight it but I would insist on shared custody.

Exactly. I’m so busy and important I want “access” to my kids when and where is convenient for me.
My SAHM is the childcare and housekeeper. Works for me.

This gets to the crux of one of the reasons men stay: They want to keep their family intact because they think the wife is doing a good job raising them and keeping the family and household running, and the men enjoy the benefit of seeing their kids whenever they want 100% on the men's schedule without the men having to solo parent 50% of the time or run their own household. It's a lot more than OP's claim of just "childcare" as if that could be done by anyone.

You are in agreement with OP. They stay because their wife they no longer love does an excellent job keeping house and raising the children by herself. And optically it is an intact family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Haven't read all the replies. I stay for 24/7 access to my kids. Our marriage is done from a romantic and sexual level but we get along fine. She is a SAHM so I am encouraging her to get a job for her own benefit and if we split.

If she served me with divorce papers, I wouldn't fight it but I would insist on shared custody.

Exactly. I’m so busy and important I want “access” to my kids when and where is convenient for me.
My SAHM is the childcare and housekeeper. Works for me.

This gets to the crux of one of the reasons men stay: They want to keep their family intact because they think the wife is doing a good job raising them and keeping the family and household running, and the men enjoy the benefit of seeing their kids whenever they want 100% on the men's schedule without the men having to solo parent 50% of the time or run their own household. It's a lot more than OP's claim of just "childcare" as if that could be done by anyone.

I am the OP of this thread and you are only getting part of it. Yes, my wife is a good mom and good at raising them but that's not why I stay. I stay because in general it's better for kids to be in two parent households and we have far more resources to parent together than if we divorced. And we both get to see them all the time; if I had 50% custody she wouldn't see them as often. I am making a sacrifice of my well-being for the sake of my kids, I am sure my wife is as well. Both of us would be happier with new partners, from a romantic perspective.

Correction: you are the PP of the male response. Not the Original Poster of this thread. Because I am OP.

[Anonymous]

I am the OP of this thread and you are only getting part of it. Yes, my wife is a good mom and good at raising them but that's not why I stay. I stay because in general it's better for kids to be in two parent households and we have far more resources to parent together than if we divorced. And we both get to see them all the time; if I had 50% custody she wouldn't see them as often. I am making a sacrifice of my well-being for the sake of my kids, I am sure my wife is as well. Both of us would be happier with new partners, from a romantic perspective, at least until we lived together and had to deal with regular life events and the newness of those relationships wore off.

Fixed that for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I am the OP of this thread and you are only getting part of it. Yes, my wife is a good mom and good at raising them but that's not why I stay. I stay because in general it's better for kids to be in two parent households and we have far more resources to parent together than if we divorced. And we both get to see them all the time; if I had 50% custody she wouldn't see them as often. I am making a sacrifice of my well-being for the sake of my kids, I am sure my wife is as well. Both of us would be happier with new partners, from a romantic perspective, at least until we lived together and had to deal with regular life events and the newness of those relationships wore off.

Fixed that for you.

Oh for sure. I am the PP and I agree with you. I am not delusional, I will never, ever marry again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your boyfriend is not leaving his wife.

Not OP, but husbands leave their wives every day.

Your chances are <2%.

She believes that "old child care" lie, LMAO!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your boyfriend is not leaving his wife.

Not OP, but husbands leave their wives every day.

Women file for divorce 70-80 percent of the time.

That's actually correct. Men rather stay with their wives. Women leave for emotional reasons, or they simply don't want to be with a man anymore. Especially if they are financially secure and the kids are grown or near grown. Maybe they want to travel. Many women get married for the security and the family unit. If she has a bad husband she still has her kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tons of ppl stay in miserable marriages because of the children. By the time the children are gone, they probably just give up on life and never make their move. If they are going to make a move, they wouldn't wait 5-20 years.

I've seen a few late 40s, and 50s completely destroy their retirements over stupid emotional decisions.

[Anonymous]

I think 50/50 custody would be way easier than having the kids 24/7 I guess unless you're not doing anything around the house. But for real, having 50% of your nights free would be a huge vacation. I suppose if you had an inflexible job like biglaw partner it would be hard because you would have no backup if something came up but if you have a job with reasonable hours I don't think it would be a big deal.

Obviously a divorce and everything that comes with it including co-parenting probably has its own challenges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your boyfriend is not leaving his wife.

Not OP, but husbands leave their wives every day.

Women file for divorce 70-80 percent of the time.

That's actually correct. Men rather stay with their wives. Women leave for emotional reasons, or they simply don't want to be with a man anymore. Especially if they are financially secure and the kids are grown or near grown. Maybe they want to travel. Many women get married for the security and the family unit. If she has a bad husband she still has her kids.

because women are more willing to work and still parent. They aren't afraid to do this because they were probably already doing it during the marriage. They know what it takes.

[Anonymous]

Much easier to keep a roommate wife around to do everything than have to pay and manage a nanny and housekeeper. Easy peasy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think 50/50 custody would be way easier than having the kids 24/7 I guess unless you're not doing anything around the house. But for real, having 50% of your nights free would be a huge vacation. I suppose if you had an inflexible job like biglaw partner it would be hard because you would have no backup if something came up but if you have a job with reasonable hours I don't think it would be a big deal.

Obviously a divorce and everything that comes with it including co-parenting probably has its own challenges.

Yeah. As long as your kids are being cared for well, not neglected, not treated like robots, not being listened to or engaged with, or worse the injuries and “accidents” from the parent who can’t see danger nor know what to do after the injury. And then the verbal abuse kicks in towards the kids, and towards to the new girlfriend (who won’t know wtf is happening until she sees the pattern for what it is). Then what? Poor kids. Never put first even by the system.