Men staying in marriage “for the childcare”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think conflating loving your kids and caring for your kids needs is not rare. There’s actually a big difference.

Hence Op’s question: do men subconsciously stay in an bad marriage because they the mom’s care is best for their children and they can’t replicate that.
Plus for bonus points, being married w kids props up their Family Guy / Livable Guy image.

Agree. Some personalities and types love their children but don’t know what caring for a child or teen entails whatsoever. And certainly if there are mental disorders or misogyny, they know to say they love their children so much, but cannot give examples of taking care of, teaching, and disciplining said child. Yet there should be dozens and dozens per day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just posted. Men stay because they are lazy and deal with the status quo easier. Women file for about 70% of divorces. Women get more fed up with lack of any emotion than men.

Women file because divorce = cash and prizes for them.

Keep telling yourself that. I worked my entire marriage. I did not get anything. We were equals.

Do you actually think you are representative of the 70% of women who file?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think conflating loving your kids and caring for your kids needs is not rare. There’s actually a big difference.

Hence Op’s question: do men subconsciously stay in an bad marriage because they the mom’s care is best for their children and they can’t replicate that.
Plus for bonus points, being married w kids props up their Family Guy / Livable Guy image.

Agree. Some personalities and types love their children but don’t know what caring for a child or teen entails whatsoever. And certainly if there are mental disorders or misogyny, they know to say they love their children so much, but cannot give examples of taking care of, teaching, and disciplining said child. Yet there should be dozens and dozens per day.

The idea that men do not know how to care for kids, and don't believe they can "replicate" the care the mother provides, is stupid and misanthropic.

[Anonymous]

I think this is why my mom stayed with my dad. She was the breadwinner in the family. She actually used a lot of people for childcare - my dad and both my grandmas. Once we were out the house she disowned all of them in really extreme ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is why my mom stayed with my dad. She was the breadwinner in the family. She actually used a lot of people for childcare - my dad and both my grandmas. Once we were out the house she disowned all of them in really extreme ways.

What does this mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think conflating loving your kids and caring for your kids needs is not rare. There’s actually a big difference.

Hence Op’s question: do men subconsciously stay in an bad marriage because they the mom’s care is best for their children and they can’t replicate that.
Plus for bonus points, being married w kids props up their Family Guy / Livable Guy image.

Agree. Some personalities and types love their children but don’t know what caring for a child or teen entails whatsoever. And certainly if there are mental disorders or misogyny, they know to say they love their children so much, but cannot give examples of taking care of, teaching, and disciplining said child. Yet there should be dozens and dozens per day.

The idea that men do not know how to care for kids, and don't believe they can "replicate" the care the mother provides, is stupid and misanthropic.

well, statistics have shown that women still carry the majority of the burden of childcare and house chores. So, if men are perfectly capable of "replicating" the care, why don't they?

Men also keep saying that what they do is not "good enough" and that women have "too high" standards of care for the kids and house. If these men got divorced, I'm betting they wouldn't be "replicating" the same care that the wives show for childcare and house chores.

-dp

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How noble of you.

Did you dig in to the underlying issues of your marital problems? Are they fixable? Can you both change to make it work or is the underlying issue too strong and pervasive?

Exactly. That poster wants sympathy and I'm thinking another guy who complains about lack of xxx in marriage. How about looking at yourself in the mirror first? How about other posters who have posted that their husbands say they are staying for kids but after divorce only see them for less than 50% of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think conflating loving your kids and caring for your kids needs is not rare. There’s actually a big difference.

Hence Op’s question: do men subconsciously stay in an bad marriage because they the mom’s care is best for their children and they can’t replicate that.
Plus for bonus points, being married w kids props up their Family Guy / Livable Guy image.

Agree. Some personalities and types love their children but don’t know what caring for a child or teen entails whatsoever. And certainly if there are mental disorders or misogyny, they know to say they love their children so much, but cannot give examples of taking care of, teaching, and disciplining said child. Yet there should be dozens and dozens per day.

The idea that men do not know how to care for kids, and don't believe they can "replicate" the care the mother provides, is stupid and misanthropic.

The “idea” stems from 100s of weekly examples of neglect, lack of parenting, and general thoughtlessness coupled with the belief that a paycheck plus a few minutes of Goof Around time equals “a good dad.” Oh, and waiting to be told by someone else what to do, how and when for the kids. That’s a really mindful Good Dad too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is why my mom stayed with my dad. She was the breadwinner in the family. She actually used a lot of people for childcare - my dad and both my grandmas. Once we were out the house she disowned all of them in really extreme ways.

What does this mean?

Sounds like a parent that did their own thing and made real sure others managed the house and kid raising. Once that long stage was over, she was done using them and done with them. ET self centered and not a real parent or spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think conflating loving your kids and caring for your kids needs is not rare. There’s actually a big difference.

Hence Op’s question: do men subconsciously stay in an bad marriage because they the mom’s care is best for their children and they can’t replicate that.
Plus for bonus points, being married w kids props up their Family Guy / Livable Guy image.

Agree. Some personalities and types love their children but don’t know what caring for a child or teen entails whatsoever. And certainly if there are mental disorders or misogyny, they know to say they love their children so much, but cannot give examples of taking care of, teaching, and disciplining said child. Yet there should be dozens and dozens per day.

The idea that men do not know how to care for kids, and don't believe they can "replicate" the care the mother provides, is stupid and misanthropic.

The “idea” stems from 100s of weekly examples of neglect, lack of parenting, and general thoughtlessness coupled with the belief that a paycheck plus a few minutes of Goof Around time equals “a good dad.” Oh, and waiting to be told by someone else what to do, how and when for the kids. That’s a really mindful Good Dad too.

+100.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your boyfriend is not leaving his wife.

Not OP, but husbands leave their wives every day.

Yes, they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your boyfriend is not leaving his wife.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is why my mom stayed with my dad. She was the breadwinner in the family. She actually used a lot of people for childcare - my dad and both my grandmas. Once we were out the house she disowned all of them in really extreme ways.

What does this mean?

Sounds like a parent that did their own thing and made real sure others managed the house and kid raising. Once that long stage was over, she was done using them and done with them. ET self centered and not a real parent or spouse.

Sounds like she financially supported the kids, which is all a lot of men do and more than some men do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think conflating loving your kids and caring for your kids needs is not rare. There’s actually a big difference.

Hence Op’s question: do men subconsciously stay in an bad marriage because they the mom’s care is best for their children and they can’t replicate that.
Plus for bonus points, being married w kids props up their Family Guy / Livable Guy image.

Agree. Some personalities and types love their children but don’t know what caring for a child or teen entails whatsoever. And certainly if there are mental disorders or misogyny, they know to say they love their children so much, but cannot give examples of taking care of, teaching, and disciplining said child. Yet there should be dozens and dozens per day.

The idea that men do not know how to care for kids, and don't believe they can "replicate" the care the mother provides, is stupid and misanthropic.

The “idea” stems from 100s of weekly examples of neglect, lack of parenting, and general thoughtlessness coupled with the belief that a paycheck plus a few minutes of Goof Around time equals “a good dad.” Oh, and waiting to be told by someone else what to do, how and when for the kids. That’s a really mindful Good Dad too.

Women are socialized to plan for “intensive parenting.” Men are not.

But intensive parenting needs to stop. It’s not working and it’s driving us all insane. No solutions though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think conflating loving your kids and caring for your kids needs is not rare. There’s actually a big difference.

Hence Op’s question: do men subconsciously stay in an bad marriage because they the mom’s care is best for their children and they can’t replicate that.
Plus for bonus points, being married w kids props up their Family Guy / Livable Guy image.

Agree. Some personalities and types love their children but don’t know what caring for a child or teen entails whatsoever. And certainly if there are mental disorders or misogyny, they know to say they love their children so much, but cannot give examples of taking care of, teaching, and disciplining said child. Yet there should be dozens and dozens per day.

The idea that men do not know how to care for kids, and don't believe they can "replicate" the care the mother provides, is stupid and misanthropic.

The “idea” stems from 100s of weekly examples of neglect, lack of parenting, and general thoughtlessness coupled with the belief that a paycheck plus a few minutes of Goof Around time equals “a good dad.” Oh, and waiting to be told by someone else what to do, how and when for the kids. That’s a really mindful Good Dad too.

Hey, more TV time together counts too!!