SIL is being very self centered
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Anonymous
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Since there are some other SIL threads I am going to post my problem. I have 2 SIL. SIL1 I am close with. SIL2 we get along but we are not close. SIL1 and I hang out all the time outside of family functions.. My sister will join us sometimes as well. SIL2 is not quite as social and turns down 90% of our invites (which is fine) but does attend all the family functions.
SIL1 celebrated her 30th birthday over the weekend. Since it was a milestone birthday my sister and I put a lot more planning into this party than say we would have a 29th bday party. SIL1 loves makeup and skincare products. My sister and I decided to ask the family members that were willing to let us pick out the products to get her. 100% said yes and were more than happy to let us pick out their present for her. We wanted to restock her staples and get things that she would love but not buy herself. This party has been on the planning stages for a while so we got some good sales and we stayed within budget. SIL1 and my brother bought a house and have 2 kids so money is very tight and she rarely buys for herself anymore. On Saturday we had her 30th birthday party. It was a success and everyone had a wonderful time. SIL1 went nuts over her presents and was practically in tears. It was a good day and everyone went home happy. On Sunday my brother and other SIL2 came over. My husband and brother were playing games in the other room. We started talking about SIL1 bday party and SIL2 says that it was a very nice party and she could tell we put some thought into the presents. I said we wanted her party to be special. She then said something that shocked me. She said that my sister and I did not go all out for her 30th bday party and that does not surprise her. I'm like your husband and sister planned your party. I'm like if you have something to say just say it. SIL2 said she was not going to make an issue of it but my sister and I put way more thought into SIL1's presents than we do hers. She then referenced one of the high end makeup palettes we got for SIL1 and she said we would never get her anything like that. She said the whole room could tell who the favorite SIL was. This upset me. I told her she was not the center of the universe and to grow up. I went upstairs. My brother texted me and asked for "my side". I told him his wife was out of line and needed to get over her jealousy. It's not like we exclude SIL2 from anything. We always invite her and she almost always says no. I don't think she has any room to be upset and how dare she make this about her. This is the first time we have really argued about anything. Should I just let it go or confront the issue? I don't want any awkwardness at family events. |
Anonymous
| ...can't wait to see the responses. I'm popping corn now! |
Anonymous
| Wow, drama much? |
Anonymous
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But she’s right, isn’t she? You do like the other SIL better because you’re closer and hang out more. But if SIL2 doesn’t want to hang out or be as close, then she has to understand why you’re closer to SIL1. She made a choice that has consequences, and it’s ok. Nobody’s comparing them except her.
The question now is how she can feel better. Maybe she or your BIL have some ideas. And you can think more about making sure certain things are equal. But you didn’t do anything wrong, based on your version of events. |
Anonymous
| You don't like her as much but it upsets you to hear that that's obvious to the rest of the world, including her. Poor you. It must be very hard indeed. |
Anonymous
| She's right, you don't like her as much. I'd just say that you don't spend as much time together but it's nothing to do with preferring SIL1's company etc, just that you're closer with SIL1 at this point and are sorry if her feelings were hurt. Done. |
Anonymous
| It was kind of obnoxious to show that sort of over the top favoritism. You can’t blame her for pointing out the truth. |
Anonymous
Ummm...someone else planned SIL2’s party. Op was not involved in that one. If the planner had a great idea about the perfect gift(s) for that SIL and had asked everyone if they’d be willing to contribute, I’m sure OP would have. It’s ridiculous to put this on OP. |
Anonymous
Ha, ok OP. |
Anonymous
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There's no law saying you have to be equally close to a similarly situated relationship and SIL2 can't have her cake and eat it too.
So what OP and SIL1 are closer? They're friends. OP and SIL2 don't have the same relationship. And SIL2 chooses not to participate in the same events that she's invited to outside of family events and THAT'S FINE. BUT she IS invited. She can't then be mad that they don't have the same relationship. What, are they 12? SIL2 should get over it. It's not about "liking" someone better. It's about being closer and having a closer relationship. |
Anonymous
| I was with you until you told her she wasn't the center of the universe and that she needed to "grow up". She was feeling hurt and instead of apologizing or exploring her feelings, you doubled down and escalated the whole thing. At this point, you absolutely owe her an apology, and you may want to reflect on your own poor behaviour and lack of maturity. |
Anonymous
And you probably also made it obvious to everyone else at the birthday party that you don'r really care for SIL2. That probably smarted enough for her to say what she did afterward. |
Anonymous
| The party and the present are separate things. If someone else plans a lame party, you can still give her an amazing gift. |
Anonymous
| You admit you like the other SIL better and get along with her better. Which is fine, some people just click better. But I'm surprised you're this surprised that other SIL and others have picked up on this. |
Anonymous
Yup, agreed. Always keep things equal in families. Always. You didn’t and this is what you get - hurt feelings. Op, you sound like the dramatic one here. |