My boyfriend is 26 and lives with his parents, doesn't work, and never pays for things

[Anonymous]

He has no savings. I travel out of state to see him and have to drive us everywhere and pay for things if we want to do stuff. I stay at his parent's house. They smoke and I do not like smoke, but I try to put up wiith it or stay away from it. It makes them mad when I try and avoid the smoke because they see it as me being rude. He cannot travel to me because he has no money and isn't working or in school. He's been unemployed for a little over a year now and says he's looking for work, but he plays computer games all the time.

The thing is, he is the sweetest boyfriend I have ever been with. I'm a few years older than him. In the beginning he spent almost all the money he made on me. But then he got fed up with his job and quit it. He doesn't have any education post high school. He can work in a few skilled trades at an entry-level status, but he s not able to earn much. His parents don't push him to go out and get a job. He also doesn't have a license. They don't push him to get this either. His mom said they used to try to help him with his driving skills but he ran right through a four way stop or something and that was the end of that. His dad yelled at him that he put in his resignation like three times.

I know all this doesn't sound good, but he is very good to me, kind, gentle, loving, sweet. I have talked to him many times about getting a job and he will say stuff like "No one is hiring" or he has tried, blah blah.

Also, he told me a few months ago he would be starting a course to get his CNC license or something and then it never panned out. I don't know what to do anymore. We get in arguments over money sometimes. It makes me feel awful. I don't feel like he's using me at all. He never asks me to buy him anything. He never takes money from me. And once I offered to pay for his course he wanted to do and he said he would never take my money. His parents don't have money to send him to school and don't encourage him to take on student loans either.

I've encouraged him to get his license, but his dad lets him drive without a license sometimes and I've told him how bad this is. He sometimes does it when I'm not in the state. He talks about wanting to get married and have a baby. And I truly would love to marry him, but I can't until he is working.

[Anonymous]

The one thing he's taking away from you is your time and youth. Things will only go downhill when you legally commit to him. Cut your losses and say bye.

[Anonymous]

This is a no brainer. Get out from this relationship.

[Anonymous]

He may be loving and sweet but you need to move on. HS grad, no drivers license, no job, no ambition.

[Anonymous]

So he has no job and no ambition to support himself and he wants to have kids. Do you want to spend the rest of your life supporting this man and whatever family you make with him? Sounds miserable to me.

[Anonymous]

Really? Have some self respect already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He has no savings. I travel out of state to see him and have to drive us everywhere and pay for things if we want to do stuff. I stay at his parent's house. They smoke and I do not like smoke, but I try to put up wiith it or stay away from it. It makes them mad when I try and avoid the smoke because they see it as me being rude. He cannot travel to me because he has no money and isn't working or in school. He's been unemployed for a little over a year now and says he's looking for work, but he plays computer games all the time.

The thing is, he is the sweetest boyfriend I have ever been with. I'm a few years older than him. In the beginning he spent almost all the money he made on me. But then he got fed up with his job and quit it. He doesn't have any education post high school. He can work in a few skilled trades at an entry-level status, but he s not able to earn much. His parents don't push him to go out and get a job. He also doesn't have a license. They don't push him to get this either. His mom said they used to try to help him with his driving skills but he ran right through a four way stop or something and that was the end of that. His dad yelled at him that he put in his resignation like three times.

I know all this doesn't sound good, but he is very good to me, kind, gentle, loving, sweet. I have talked to him many times about getting a job and he will say stuff like "No one is hiring" or he has tried, blah blah.

Also, he told me a few months ago he would be starting a course to get his CNC license or something and then it never panned out. I don't know what to do anymore. We get in arguments over money sometimes. It makes me feel awful. I don't feel like he's using me at all. He never asks me to buy him anything. He never takes money from me. And once I offered to pay for his course he wanted to do and he said he would never take my money. His parents don't have money to send him to school and don't encourage him to take on student loans either.

I've encouraged him to get his license, but his dad lets him drive without a license sometimes and I've told him how bad this is. He sometimes does it when I'm not in the state. He talks about wanting to get married and have a baby. And I truly would love to marry him, but I can't until he is working.

Plenty of sweet people aren't long-term relationship material. Cut this guy loose, unless you're using him for a green card or something you haven't mentioned here.

As to the bolded: this is probably the lowest unemployment we've seen since he was old enough to work. If he can't make it when times are good, he's going to be worse than a drag on you when the economy turns south.

[Anonymous]

Why are you dating a 16 year old boy?

[Anonymous]

You’re either a troll or an idiot. Quite possibly both

[Anonymous]

Why do you 2 need a kid? He is the kid. Treat him as such until you can see past his kindness.

[Anonymous]

OP...why are you short-selling yourself?

The beauty in choosing to be in a relationship with someone is that you don't have to choose between a guy who is sweet and kind OR a guy who is a successful, driven, and self-motivated, independent adult. At 26, a boyfriend can (and should) be BOTH.

And you deserve that.

It doesn't mean this guy isn't just as nice or sweet as you say he is. But he comes up short in too many areas to overlook. Love yourself enough to move on, OP.

[Anonymous]

I am not a troll. I have had many arguments with him over this. He finally applied to something recently and might get it, but it's a clerk position in a supermarket. He talks about wanting to move up (but he hasn't even got the job for sure yet). He grew up around that industry.

I'm not using him for a green card. We are both citizens.

[Anonymous]

How you can be attracted to someone like this is beyond me

[Anonymous]

Dump him. Only a loser would stay with a loser like this.

[Anonymous]

Find someone who is sweet and has a job. This man will never be able to support you and any children you may have.