My boyfriend is 26 and lives with his parents, doesn't work, and never pays for things

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's too good for you.

BUT BUT BUT he doesn't spend money on me!

--OP

[Anonymous]

Dump him and use the money that you used to spend to see him on therapy. You have to work on yourself to attract a quality guy who is both a good person and a provider.

[Anonymous]

All I read was the title of your post. What’s your question, exactly? I can’t imagine you’re wondering whether you should break up, since the answer is so obviously yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP's the REAL loser here. What, you think you have a golden vagina? You don't deserve anything more than what you can get.

Like attracts like. Remember that.

[Anonymous]

OP, you cannot be serious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a no brainer. Get out from this relationship.

You don't live around here do you OP? This guy is a real loser, no matter what city or state you are in. Get some confidence, leave him, and lead a good life without a leech.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know if he sounds like a keeper.

you don't? you must be incredibly indecisive and unopinionated.

If this was my daughter I'd stage an intervention and ship her off to therapy in the mountains to get her head on straight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He has no savings. I travel out of state to see him and have to drive us everywhere and pay for things if we want to do stuff. I stay at his parent's house. They smoke and I do not like smoke, but I try to put up wiith it or stay away from it. It makes them mad when I try and avoid the smoke because they see it as me being rude. He cannot travel to me because he has no money and isn't working or in school. He's been unemployed for a little over a year now and says he's looking for work, but he plays computer games all the time.

The thing is, he is the sweetest boyfriend I have ever been with. I'm a few years older than him. In the beginning he spent almost all the money he made on me. But then he got fed up with his job and quit it. He doesn't have any education post high school. He can work in a few skilled trades at an entry-level status, but he s not able to earn much. His parents don't push him to go out and get a job. He also doesn't have a license. They don't push him to get this either. His mom said they used to try to help him with his driving skills but he ran right through a four way stop or something and that was the end of that. His dad yelled at him that he put in his resignation like three times.

I know all this doesn't sound good, but he is very good to me, kind, gentle, loving, sweet. I have talked to him many times about getting a job and he will say stuff like "No one is hiring" or he has tried, blah blah.

Also, he told me a few months ago he would be starting a course to get his CNC license or something and then it never panned out. I don't know what to do anymore. We get in arguments over money sometimes. It makes me feel awful. I don't feel like he's using me at all. He never asks me to buy him anything. He never takes money from me. And once I offered to pay for his course he wanted to do and he said he would never take my money. His parents don't have money to send him to school and don't encourage him to take on student loans either.

I've encouraged him to get his license, but his dad lets him drive without a license sometimes and I've told him how bad this is. He sometimes does it when I'm not in the state. He talks about wanting to get married and have a baby. And I truly would love to marry him, but I can't until he is working.

Please don't marry him. Please don't. Your choice of partner affects everything you do. Life costs money. The adage 'A successful marriage requires lots of sex and even more money' will only grow sharper in the years to come.'

[Anonymous]

Why is he incapable of obtaining his DL??
Could he be hiding something from you that could be a barrier to getting licensed?
DUI?
Owes a large amount on unpaid past tickets?
Health or legal issue??
Or maybe he is just too lazy to study up for the written portion of the driving exam.

He seems to like staying home all day, playing video games.
There doesn’t seem to be much incentive for him to get a job.
He doesn’t have any rent or bills to pay every month + he doesn’t even have to purchase his own grub.
I bet his Mom does all of his laundry for him.

This guy is in no suitable position to be considering holy matrimony & offspring.
He needs to learn to “adult” first before he can move up in life.

The apron strings need to be cut and he needs to stay away from the games for now and work in his resume.
He may be lying to you and not even applying for work.

Don’t care how sweet he is -
He is a common loser/boy child.

Next!!

[Anonymous]

OP dump him and come to me. I am just 2 years older, out of grad school and currently working at an Engineering Company with little under $100,000 starting salary and several 1000 miles from my parents. I also know how to make a woman feel like a queen.

[Anonymous]

I think you have been given a lot of good advice from posters on this forum. There are a lot of red flags in what you have written. One of the ways a mature man shows he loves and cares for a woman is by providing for the woman he dates. (Not necessarily everything, but initiative IS important.) You cannot make someone want to hustle and improve themselves. Also, I would be concerned that perhaps he is a bit TOO close to his parents, and this might be a huge problem if your relationship were ever to progress to marriage.

I know you have had some rough luck in the past, but there are good men out there.

[Anonymous]

OP. I'm gonna tell you something you won't like but it's for your own good. When a man likes a woman, he wants to take care of her, to pamper her, to buy her things, to take her out. It doesn't matter if the woman makes more money than him. What matters is that loving a woman = wanting to take care of her. Believe me, men are keenly aware of the fact that not making money makes them unlovable. Men are capable of pulling themselves by the bootstraps and becoming solvent to please the woman they love. This guy isn't motivated to do this for you. Therefore, he doesn't care about you. It doesn't matter that he's sweet to you; he might just be a sweet person who is sweet to everyone, it's not personal. Take this for what it's worth. He doesn't want to be with you badly enough.

[Anonymous]

You are the one with the problem. You have very low self esteem for whatever reason and somehow you think this is what you deserve. He has failed every test as a potential boyfriend- the only thing missing is that he might not be an opioid abuser, but that would fit here. Why are you planning to ruin your ENTIRE life?
You know, I was just amazed while reading this. I am not even sure this is legit.

[Anonymous]

My best friend was with a guy who was sometimes short-term employed, had been fired from jobs, lived with parents and paid for nothing. He has a Bachelor's degree that everyone reading this paid for, but will most likely never use because he cannot keep a job. I encouraged my friend to find someone more stable/ responsible in general, and we are no longer friends because my friend could not tolerate that I stated there is better out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He has no savings. I travel out of state to see him and have to drive us everywhere and pay for things if we want to do stuff. I stay at his parent's house. They smoke and I do not like smoke, but I try to put up wiith it or stay away from it. It makes them mad when I try and avoid the smoke because they see it as me being rude. He cannot travel to me because he has no money and isn't working or in school. He's been unemployed for a little over a year now and says he's looking for work, but he plays computer games all the time.

The thing is, he is the sweetest boyfriend I have ever been with. I'm a few years older than him. In the beginning he spent almost all the money he made on me. But then he got fed up with his job and quit it. He doesn't have any education post high school. He can work in a few skilled trades at an entry-level status, but he s not able to earn much. His parents don't push him to go out and get a job. He also doesn't have a license. They don't push him to get this either. His mom said they used to try to help him with his driving skills but he ran right through a four way stop or something and that was the end of that. His dad yelled at him that he put in his resignation like three times.

I know all this doesn't sound good, but he is very good to me, kind, gentle, loving, sweet. I have talked to him many times about getting a job and he will say stuff like "No one is hiring" or he has tried, blah blah.

Also, he told me a few months ago he would be starting a course to get his CNC license or something and then it never panned out. I don't know what to do anymore. We get in arguments over money sometimes. It makes me feel awful. I don't feel like he's using me at all. He never asks me to buy him anything. He never takes money from me. And once I offered to pay for his course he wanted to do and he said he would never take my money. His parents don't have money to send him to school and don't encourage him to take on student loans either.

I've encouraged him to get his license, but his dad lets him drive without a license sometimes and I've told him how bad this is. He sometimes does it when I'm not in the state. He talks about wanting to get married and have a baby. And I truly would love to marry him, but I can't until he is working.

My DH's uncle is your boyfriend, 30 years later. She worked like a dog and he sat around; they raised a kid, and the second that kid was in college she left him. Her aunt had just died and left her some money and he was scheming to get it! You know...to support the lifestyle he had grown accustomed to.

I have one word for you: PARASITE.

Now the real question is, why are you volunteering to be the HOST? Do you know how many nice hardworking guys there are out there? If you stick with him, don't have a baby, because you'll have married one. Then your kid will learn from his/her dad how to be a parasite, and you'll end up supporting them your whole life, also.