BF's family way too close to ex wife

[Anonymous]

I met my BF through work. We were friends for a year and after I found another job we stayed in touch. After that we dated for a few months and became BF/GF 6 months ago. It's serious and we have met each others friends and family. There are currently no plans to live together and marriage is something way down the line. I am very happy with him except I see one major red flag. His family is still close with his ex wife and they don't even have children. They divorced 3 years ago and did not part on good terms but she still kept in touch with his family.

I am not a jealous person and don't want to be controlling but this dynamic gets on my last nerve. What makes it even worse is that she moved away after the divorce and she moved back and everyone is now living in the same city. BF's identical twin brother posts pictures of her on his social media when they go clubbing together with their group of friends. His parents have dinner with her. I know of 2 instances and she has been back in town less than a month. I realize she has been gone a long time and everyone is happy to see her but I don't want this woman in my orbit. I asked my BF if this bothers him and he said no. He said he knows it might be awkward but he can't control his brother and parents. They have their own separate relationship with her that does not involve him. Here is the part that really upset me. He told me not to make an issue of it with his parents and brother. It would only make them mad and they will never give up their relationship with his ex wife for my sake and I will have to get use to it.

This really bothers me but I have been told point blank not to bring it up and get use to it. For the first time in our relationship I am having second thoughts about our relationship. I keep asking myself what am I getting myself into. I have never even met this woman and she is already causing trouble just by being around. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I met my BF through work. We were friends for a year and after I found another job we stayed in touch. After that we dated for a few months and became BF/GF 6 months ago. It's serious and we have met each others friends and family. There are currently no plans to live together and marriage is something way down the line. I am very happy with him except I see one major red flag. His family is still close with his ex wife and they don't even have children. They divorced 3 years ago and did not part on good terms but she still kept in touch with his family.

I am not a jealous person and don't want to be controlling but this dynamic gets on my last nerve. What makes it even worse is that she moved away after the divorce and she moved back and everyone is now living in the same city. BF's identical twin brother posts pictures of her on his social media when they go clubbing together with their group of friends. His parents have dinner with her. I know of 2 instances and she has been back in town less than a month. I realize she has been gone a long time and everyone is happy to see her but I don't want this woman in my orbit. I asked my BF if this bothers him and he said no. He said he knows it might be awkward but he can't control his brother and parents. They have their own separate relationship with her that does not involve him. Here is the part that really upset me. He told me not to make an issue of it with his parents and brother. It would only make them mad and they will never give up their relationship with his ex wife for my sake and I will have to get use to it.

This really bothers me but I have been told point blank not to bring it up and get use to it. For the first time in our relationship I am having second thoughts about our relationship. I keep asking myself what am I getting myself into. I have never even met this woman and she is already causing trouble just by being around. Any advice?

Yeah, you actually are a really jealous and controlling person. You don't just want to control your boyfriend, you want to control your boyfriend's brother and parents, and who is "in your orbit" (appears in your facebook feed?). You've been dating this guy 6 months, and you want him to tell his family who they can and can't spend time with in order to placate your feelings. He should be seeing red flags everywhere from this interaction and running for the hills.

[Anonymous]

She is not causing trouble, you are causing trouble. This woman is not interfering in your relationship or doing anything to hurt you, she is simply still close with her former in-laws. If you cannot get past your issues with this, then this relationship is never going to work for you.

[Anonymous]

It may be a sign that your boyfriend was the jerk who caused the relationship to end, so they like her better.

[Anonymous]

It's not your place to dictate to your bf's brother and parents who they can or cannot be friends with. She hasn't done to you or interfered with your relationship. You're the crazy one here.

[Anonymous]

Troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It may be a sign that your boyfriend was the jerk who caused the relationship to end, so they like her better.

That's what I was wondering. OP, take a closer look at that. Hope that is not the case but you should consider it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not your place to dictate to your bf's brother and parents who they can or cannot be friends with. She hasn't done to you or interfered with your relationship. You're the crazy one here.

+1

[Anonymous]

She’s not causing trouble; her friendship with his family is causng YOU to be jealous. It is you who would be starting trouble if you make a thing out of this, and it’s not your place.

[Anonymous]

What is your relationship like with his family?

[Anonymous]

My sister in law is best friends with my husbands ex. They all went to high school and college together and were each others maids of honor. They shared a really important time in each others lives and it was obvious they had a bond. At first it was hard but it helped that a.) sister in law was VERY nice to me and b.) she did her best to "separate" the relationships. I still see ex wife at things that overlap…like sister in laws baby shower, her kids baptisms, and her kids birthdays BUT she is nothing but kind and they all live in huge houses so I just stay on the opposite side of the mcmansion. Now she is remarried and we all have kids and its not a big deal. When I was young and it was fresh though it did kinda sting. My mother in law really likes DH's ex too and I felt like I had to compete but that was MY issue. MY issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I met my BF through work. We were friends for a year and after I found another job we stayed in touch. After that we dated for a few months and became BF/GF 6 months ago. It's serious and we have met each others friends and family. There are currently no plans to live together and marriage is something way down the line. I am very happy with him except I see one major red flag. His family is still close with his ex wife and they don't even have children. They divorced 3 years ago and did not part on good terms but she still kept in touch with his family.

I am not a jealous person and don't want to be controlling but this dynamic gets on my last nerve. What makes it even worse is that she moved away after the divorce and she moved back and everyone is now living in the same city. BF's identical twin brother posts pictures of her on his social media when they go clubbing together with their group of friends. His parents have dinner with her. I know of 2 instances and she has been back in town less than a month. I realize she has been gone a long time and everyone is happy to see her but I don't want this woman in my orbit. I asked my BF if this bothers him and he said no. He said he knows it might be awkward but he can't control his brother and parents. They have their own separate relationship with her that does not involve him. Here is the part that really upset me. He told me not to make an issue of it with his parents and brother. It would only make them mad and they will never give up their relationship with his ex wife for my sake and I will have to get use to it.

This really bothers me but I have been told point blank not to bring it up and get use to it. For the first time in our relationship I am having second thoughts about our relationship. I keep asking myself what am I getting myself into. I have never even met this woman and she is already causing trouble just by being around. Any advice?

This just makes you sound so young and immature which would explain your (over the top) reaction.

This makes it pretty likely that he was the cause of the breakup.

Yea you are.

Not your call to make

You've been told what you need to do so do it or breakup.

She's not causing ANY trouble, you are.

[Anonymous]

Y'all aren't anywhere close to shacking up together much less getting married and you want to dictate who his family can and cannot be friends with? Ma'am.... no.

[Anonymous]

If it bothers you, break up with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is your relationship like with his family?

I think we have a good relationship. They have always been very welcoming and friendly. They don't seek me out or make contact with me directly not like they do with his ex wife. His ex wife did divorce my BF. Their break up was so long and convoluted and I would not even know where to start. He is not the bad guy and neither was she. They both made decisions that ended their marriage.

It's hard to believe reading from what I wrote but I am not a controlling person. This bothers me so much and I can't shake it. I wish it would roll off my back.