Anonymous wrote:I had a long unproductive talk with BF. I really felt he should say something to his family. At least tell his family I am not comfortable with the close relationship they have with his ex wife.
I told him again how much this was bothering me and he says he will not interfere with their relationship. It truly does not bother him one bit that his ex wife is so entrenched in his family life. He then proceeds to tell me more details I think he should have shared last week.
He tells me there is a chance he would be crossing paths with his ex wife professionally. This would not bother me under normal circumstances as long as he was up front and honest about it when it happened. When you factor this into the chummy relationship his family has where does it end? It does not end there. It gets even better.
He told me he is friends with his ex wife stepbrother. In fact he introduced them to each other. So he is involved with her family as well.
I can't do this. I am so done. No one will believe this but I can deal with the professional contact but when you factor in everything else I refuse to put up with it.
I told him it was too much to deal with. It was not fair that I was being setup to compete with his ex wife. He just does not get it or refuses to get it. He thinks I am overreacting and has not done anything to change my mind about dumping him. I don't expect him too.
It's been touched on here but I think he has not completely let his ex go and still has feelings for her. They have no children and yet he is fine with her being so involved with his family.
I know in my head its better I find out now but I regret ever getting involved with him.
OP, I'm so sorry to hear this, but I agree with you that it's best to know this now and go your separate ways. I had posted upthread about how I was very close with the mother of a previous boyfriend for 10 years during our relationship, but I distanced myself after the break up because I felt that was his space and I needed to focus on my life. It's a boundary issue. While I don't think you have a right to ask your (now ex) BF's family to change their relationships, you certainly have a right to decide this isn't the relationship for you. And your ex-BF clearly wasn't on the same page with you. This would only get worse with marriage and kids.
Good for you for listening to your gut. It does appear that at the least, there are lingering issues between the ex wife and BF & his family.
Take care, OP. You did well by walking away.
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