BF's family way too close to ex wife

[Anonymous]

Sounds like my family. We all have the view that you get to decide who you want to bring into the family, but once they are in, you don't get to dictate that they leave. There are a lot of divorces in my family and often there are more ex ILs than there are actual ILs at a family party. You just get used to it being that way. You should be lucky there are no kids.

[Anonymous]

Have a sit down with his parents and brother and tell them you're very irritated by their continued contact with their former daughter-in-law/sister-in-law and see what they have to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have a sit down with his parents and brother and tell them you're very irritated by their continued contact with their former daughter-in-law/sister-in-law and see what they have to say.

According to my BF I should not even bring it up. They would not respond well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have a sit down with his parents and brother and tell them you're very irritated by their continued contact with their former daughter-in-law/sister-in-law and see what they have to say.

According to my BF I should not even bring it up. They would not respond well.

So.
If it were your boyfriend still continuing contact with his ex would you go thru them or directly to the source?
You'd tell him he needs to cut it out cause it's bothering your right?
Well...it's not your boyfriend it's his family. So go to the source and tell them they need to cut it out cause it's bothering you.

[Anonymous]

It is what it is. She is close to your potential future in-law and always will be. Accept it or move on.

I know you feel like you're competing with her for your in-law's affection, but it doesn't have to be.

It's all in your mind that they favor her over you as a daughter in-law, and it might well be. You cannot control their lives.

They can have their favorite daughter in-law, while you have the most important person, your BF/future DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have a sit down with his parents and brother and tell them you're very irritated by their continued contact with their former daughter-in-law/sister-in-law and see what they have to say.

According to my BF I should not even bring it up. They would not respond well.

Do not sit down with his family and say anything. Your BF is right. You are wrong.

You are bothered because you ARE jealous and you ARE controlling. You are not ready for a mature adult relationship.

This is beyond inappropriate and you should consider breaking up. You need to work on yourself.

[Anonymous]

Why should they reach out to you and go out of their way? You’re not even engaged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is your relationship like with his family?

I think we have a good relationship. They have always been very welcoming and friendly. They don't seek me out or make contact with me directly not like they do with his ex wife. His ex wife did divorce my BF. Their break up was so long and convoluted and I would not even know where to start. He is not the bad guy and neither was she. They both made decisions that ended their marriage.

It's hard to believe reading from what I wrote but I am not a controlling person. This bothers me so much and I can't shake it. I wish it would roll off my back.

DP. You should think long and hard about why it bothers you so much. From what you posted, it shouldn't - unless you are insecure about your relationship with your BF and/or have problems accepting that he was, at one time, more intimate with someone other than you. Her presence is a uncomfortable reminder of that.

[Anonymous]

I am friends with my brother's ex-wife. They split on bitter but mutually agreed terms, if that makes sense (differences re: wanting kids and disagreement re: what their prior agreement had been). He doesn't see her at all and it doesn't bother him that we're still friends. If a new GF of his of only 6 months told me that I shouldn't be friends with her (not that my brother shouldn't be -- he isn't, fwiw -- but that I shouldn't be), I would think she was nuts and would say as much to my brother.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like somebody needs to ax Facebook.
I seriously doubt the parents are directly telling you they had dinner with your BF's ex. I seriously doubt the brother is directly telling you he went clubbing with your BF's ex.
I'd be willing to be that even your BF isn't telling you the in's and out's of his parents and brother's social lives.
You're finding all this stuff out via social media - so get off for a while and give your mind a break from the insecurities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have a sit down with his parents and brother and tell them you're very irritated by their continued contact with their former daughter-in-law/sister-in-law and see what they have to say.

According to my BF I should not even bring it up. They would not respond well.

So.
If it were your boyfriend still continuing contact with his ex would you go thru them or directly to the source?
You'd tell him he needs to cut it out cause it's bothering your right?
Well...it's not your boyfriend it's his family. So go to the source and tell them they need to cut it out cause it's bothering you.

This is the worst relationship advice I think I've ever read. Do this and you'll be dumped by COB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have a sit down with his parents and brother and tell them you're very irritated by their continued contact with their former daughter-in-law/sister-in-law and see what they have to say.

According to my BF I should not even bring it up. They would not respond well.

So.
If it were your boyfriend still continuing contact with his ex would you go thru them or directly to the source?
You'd tell him he needs to cut it out cause it's bothering your right?
Well...it's not your boyfriend it's his family. So go to the source and tell them they need to cut it out cause it's bothering you.

This is the worst relationship advice I think I've ever read. Do this and you'll be dumped by COB.

That's the point. If she's not comfortable/confident enough in her relationship with her BF's family to tell them what to do then obviously she's not in a position to have any say-so in what they do.
They can talk to and have dinner with and go clubbing with whoever the hell they want its none of her 6-month-trial-period business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have a sit down with his parents and brother and tell them you're very irritated by their continued contact with their former daughter-in-law/sister-in-law and see what they have to say.

According to my BF I should not even bring it up. They would not respond well.

So.
If it were your boyfriend still continuing contact with his ex would you go thru them or directly to the source?
You'd tell him he needs to cut it out cause it's bothering your right?
Well...it's not your boyfriend it's his family. So go to the source and tell them they need to cut it out cause it's bothering you.

This is the worst relationship advice I think I've ever read. Do this and you'll be dumped by COB.

+1

I would break up with my SO if they ever approached my family with this nonsense. I wouldn't even have a discussion about it. Literally the worst advice EVER.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have a sit down with his parents and brother and tell them you're very irritated by their continued contact with their former daughter-in-law/sister-in-law and see what they have to say.

According to my BF I should not even bring it up. They would not respond well.

So.
If it were your boyfriend still continuing contact with his ex would you go thru them or directly to the source?
You'd tell him he needs to cut it out cause it's bothering your right?
Well...it's not your boyfriend it's his family. So go to the source and tell them they need to cut it out cause it's bothering you.

This is the worst relationship advice I think I've ever read. Do this and you'll be dumped by COB.

+1

I would break up with my SO if they ever approached my family with this nonsense. I wouldn't even have a discussion about it. Literally the worst advice EVER.

Calm down it was deliberately obtuse to point out to the OP how ridiculous her grievance is. If she can't take it straight to the source then she has no footing for objection.

[Anonymous]

This is the problem with DCUM. People just want to attack. Ì highly doubt this wouldn't bother people.
They just want to attack you.

I would not like the situation. It would be enough for me to dump him. He showed you that you have to toe the line with his family.