Refusing carpool/not wanting to give another child a ride
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| I'm feeling really guilty and am trying to figure out if it's warranted or not. My child attends the same twice a week after school activity as another child, which is 5 minutes away from school. We pretty far from school (20-30 minutes depending on traffic). The parent of the other child is asking if I can drive the other child. Am I a terrible person if I say no? We all work, but I have the flexibility of crazy hours (ie starting work at 630) so that I can transport my child. I don't like the responsibility of having to coordinate (if my child is sick or we are out of town), but when it comes down to it, I just don't feel like it because there is nothing in it for me. Am I terrible? |
Anonymous
| Nah. Just tell them that your schedule is unpredictable and that you can't commit to being a reliable car pool partner. Fin. |
Anonymous
| Since you asked...I dont know why you couldnt just be helpful and do this. At some point you are going to need the help of others. What goes around comes around and its always good to build up some good will in the kid logistics department. |
Anonymous
Thank you-that is a nice way of putting it. Part of the problem might simply be that I'm not friendly with the other parents, there had never been any effort to be friendly, and I feel like I'm being ask/told to drive their child. |
Anonymous
| You are literally so self centered that you won’t help another person if there is "nothing in it for you"?!?! |
Anonymous
Maybe! I'm stretched really thin, and the thought of extra coordination is exhausting. |
Anonymous
| I'm with you, OP. I just can't/don't want to handle the logistics of someone else's kid on a regular basis. Every once in awhile, no problem; every week, no thank you. |
Anonymous
|
OMG just say no, its fine. You are under absolutely no moral or ethical obligation to these people.
In my experience the parents asking for favors tend to keep asking for further favors. Its never fun. |
Anonymous
| OP: maybe counter that you could split duties? I know it’s extra coordination, but it could save you an hour every week, and it would take a car off the road. That’s got to be worth something! |
Anonymous
I think this is fine. You could add that if she is really in a jam, feel free to call her the night before and you will see if you can help at that week. |
Anonymous
| In theory it seems easy, but practically on a day to day basis it adds stress. And when you are rushing around, it is one extra responsibility I do not want to deal with so I say. O to requests like this. I found it is better not to even try and give an excuse. A simple "no I can't." works best because pushy people who ask will come up with rebuttals for your reason why you can't. Just say no. |
Anonymous
| We had one kid who never participated in carpool, his dad was not having any kids in his car. Nobody held it against him. Some people don't carpool. Just say no. |
Anonymous
|
When I was a kid I had hebrew school twice a week with a lot of kids from school. My mom discovered that we were in front or back of this other girl both going and coming home from hebrew school. Even though I didn't like her much, my mom arranged to carpool with her. And then my mom discovered how much worse my non-stop talking could be once she was stuck in a car with Julie who actually talked MORE than I did. But we carpooled with her for three years.
Except we always forgot her. We'd always get a couple of blocks past her house and one of us would say "We forgot Julie!" Thanks for the memories, OP. |
Anonymous
| Did they offer to split the driving with you? |
Anonymous
| Plus you never know in advance if the kid is annoying. They could annoy you/your kid, ask intrusive questions, complain about the music, etc. I’ve had this happen. No thanks. |