Does your wife make more than you?
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Anonymous
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I get the sense on here that husbands are normally the breadwinners. Anyone out there who makes substantially more then their husband? Do you guys care about this and is part of a larger dynamic in your marriage?
Dispite being a women’s studies major I stumbled into a specific part of finance and I make the money in the house. My husband works too but is a huge hobbiest w an expensive hobby so he’s thrilled I ended up where I am. No weird dynamic. We have a son. DH and I are equal caregivers. We also have a nanny. Anyone else make way more money then their DH? DHs with this set up, is this good or bad for your marriage? |
Anonymous
| I make sign Iva toy more than my husband. It wasn’t the case when we first got married and had kids. Circumstances changed and I went back to work in a sales position and quickly began increasing my income. Eventually we decided to let DH leave his life sucking career and follow his long time dreams. I was not worried about him making any income. Our dynamic is fine. I have never taken care of things like laundry. DH was warned before we got married that those kind of things were going to be taken care of by him or hired help. Probably sounds awful to some and I am going to be flamed but I would much rather work harder to earn more so I don’t have to do things like laundry and cleaning toilets. |
Anonymous
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DW breadwinner here. DH works, but I would describe it as very PT and very flexible. He has transitioned to being 1/2 a SAHD... he does the bus stops and deopoffs and laundry and random errands during th week. He left a low paying job with long hours so it’s definitely an improvement.
We stopped paying for before and after care so we both know that his lower paycheck comes with significant side benefits! Plus I now have more flexibility to stay late at the office one evening if I need to, without the wheels falling off. What’s funny is that our family really does not get it. They seem to thinknthat I just have a fun mommy job. I don’t care but I’m waiting for DH to tell them off one day (he’s proud of me). |
Anonymous
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I make about 45% more than DH, up to 100% more depending on what bonuses are like in a year.
It really doesn't seem to have any impact on our marriage that I can tell. We have 100% combined finances, and there really is a sense of every dollar is "our money" wherever it comes from. When we got married, we made very close to the same amount, and we set up our lives at that time where we lived on his income and saved mine. As mine has gone up, our lifestyle (house...) has grown and we do now depend on my income, but I think starting off from very equal footing made it so emotionally, things have felt very combined and equal. Neither of us have ever pulled rank on money decisions in any way. |
Anonymous
| Breadwinner with an academic husband. Not much of a big deal in our family. I confess to feeling like I can but whatever I want (new phone, clothes, trips) but would never say a thing if he did the same (he doesn’t, it just never occurs to him). I think it bothers him a bit but we treat the money as ours, not his or hers. |
Anonymous
| I've been a SAHD for 8 years. DW is a doctor. We have a great marriage. Not having much of a professional identity can be tough, but it hardly affects how we feel about each other. We both appreciate what each other does for the family. |
Anonymous
| I once read a post on this board where a woman casually mentioned in a different context that she made more then her husband and the posters latched on to that and told her her marriage was doomed and her DH was a loser etc. I couldn’t get that out of my head. Ppl on here are insane. |
Anonymous
I remember that thread. |
Anonymous
| When we married, DH made 8x what I made. He now makes half of what he currently owned and I've increased my salary substantially to the point of where I make almost twice of what he does. It hasn't been a good dynamic for us. I resent that I have to work so hard to achieve the lifestyle I had taken for granted initially and he feels like a failure that he's not as successful as he thought he'd be. |
Anonymous
| My two sisters married lazy guys and make more. It is funny as at parties the men wear aprons and prepare meals while my sisters sit in living room and chat. They bring drinks out, appetizers etc. Lots of resentment going on |
Anonymous
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I have always made substantially more than dh. It's a difference in fields. After kids were born, dh was a sahd for 5 years. Now he works part time from home. It's been wonderful. I dread the day that he wants to go to back to work full time. I love what I do and I make a lot of money. There's no way I could've maintained my career momentum post-kids without dh being the primary parent/household manager.
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Anonymous
What is your HHI? It sounds like you both might need to reset expectations and living standard. |
Anonymous
| I’ve always made 40-70% more than DH. He’s a GS-15, step 10 lawyer and I’m a lawyer in an international institution. |
Anonymous
| I make a little more than dh but have more income increase potential. He’s much more academically inclined. Not a problem in our marriage. We split childcare and house stuff about even based on our interests and hire out the rest. He has a very clear identity based on his skill set and job interests and I have mine. We cheer each other on for success. |
Anonymous
Always wondered about this. Didn't these men have the same work ethic and income potential as when these women chose to marry them? |