WWYD -- sister's PhD graduation could not be timed worse

[Anonymous]

My sister is finishing a PhD program this year. She has not found a job yet. If she finds a job in time to walk this May, she will do so. If not, she'll stay at her university for another year, and walk next spring.

The graduation is split between a Saturday and a Sunday in mid-May. The university-wide ceremony is on Saturday, and her department ceremony is on Sunday afternoon. Her university is in CA.

DH has an early morning flight that Monday for a business trip, and we have a 1.5 year old.

The only flights that seem like they would conceivably work on that Sunday to accommodate her dept graduation are late evening red-eyes that get me in at the crack of dawn that Monday (too late for DH because he has to be out of the house for his flight by 4:30am). In other words, I don't see a way for me to go to the dept graduation and get back in time to accommodate DH's trip.

Would you:

1. Have everyone (DH, DC, and me) go to the Saturday ceremony and leave Sunday morning.

2. Go alone to both and try to get childcare to cover Monday morning.

3. Take the toddler with me, and leave DH at home.

4. Go alone to the Saturday ceremony and leave Sunday morning.

5. Not go at all.

[Anonymous]

Why doesn't everyone go, stay in a hotel Sunday night, your DH flies directly to his business destination on Monday while you fly home?

If that doesn't work, I would go with the toddler and leave DH home. The department graduation is probably more significant to her than the university graduation, so going for Saturday and skipping Sunday seems kind of pointless.

[Anonymous]

3 or 4, assuming Monday morning childcare is not likely available. If you have a grandparent or someone like that who is local that you can use, then 2.

[Anonymous]

Where is your DH traveling to?

You and toddler should go to department graduation, flying back on Monday. Depending on where DH is going, he can go with you and then go directly from California to his work trip.

[Anonymous]

3

[Anonymous]

5. Not go at all.

By the time I walked for my Phd, I had done the walk for my BS and my MS. My Phd walk was a big deal to me for the sense of accomplishment but I didn't need anyone else to be there.

[Anonymous]

I wish DH could go straight to his work trip, but work won't pay for a flight from anywhere but here. It's stupid.

Unfortunately grandparents aren't local.

Do you think it would be unnecessarily stressful to take a toddler on a cross-country trip that's that short?

[Anonymous]

Why can't your DH fly from California to his business trip? I work for the fed government and they even allow stuff like that as long as it's not more expensive.

Otherwise why not take the toddler and hang out with your family after the graduations? It seems like you're a sahm since you don't have childcare?

[Anonymous]

Wow! My DH and I both graduated from the same PhD program. We took a day off to walk and went back to our jobs. Is this really such a big deal?

[Anonymous]

Ask your sister what she thinks.

For my sister's we went out when she defended her dissertation. We went to the defense, that night my parents hosted a dinner at a restaurant for about 25 people to celebrate. I don't think anything was planned around the actual graduation ceremonies and I'm not even sure she went to that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't your DH fly from California to his business trip? I work for the fed government and they even allow stuff like that as long as it's not more expensive.

Otherwise why not take the toddler and hang out with your family after the graduations? It seems like you're a sahm since you don't have childcare?

Hmm? No we both work full-time and DC is in daycare. The problem is I can't get back on Monday before he has to leave for his flight, so DC would be alone. DH has to leave before daycare opens.

My leave is really stretched this year, so extending the trip isn't feasible without taking unpaid days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow! My DH and I both graduated from the same PhD program. We took a day off to walk and went back to our jobs. Is this really such a big deal?

Meant to say no one else showed up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask your sister what she thinks.

For my sister's we went out when she defended her dissertation. We went to the defense, that night my parents hosted a dinner at a restaurant for about 25 people to celebrate. I don't think anything was planned around the actual graduation ceremonies and I'm not even sure she went to that.

Apparently they don't have defenses at her program? She's at Berkeley (I guess no one can really identify her just based on her university, so whatever).

[Anonymous]

Am I reading this correctly that this is a little over a month away and she may or may not actually walk? When will she know? You're expected to buy a plane ticket and make plans for something that may not actually happen?

[Anonymous]

Does your sister care if you go? I think most people would not expect their sibling tondrag a toddler cross county for 2 days. Its not like you'll really be able to attend the ceremonies with a kid that young anyway. Unless your 1.5 year old can sit for 4 hours.