WWYD -- sister's PhD graduation could not be timed worse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister is finishing a PhD program this year. She has not found a job yet. If she finds a job in time to walk this May, she will do so. If not, she'll stay at her university for another year, and walk next spring.

The graduation is split between a Saturday and a Sunday in mid-May. The university-wide ceremony is on Saturday, and her department ceremony is on Sunday afternoon. Her university is in CA.

DH has an early morning flight that Monday for a business trip, and we have a 1.5 year old.

The only flights that seem like they would conceivably work on that Sunday to accommodate her dept graduation are late evening red-eyes that get me in at the crack of dawn that Monday (too late for DH because he has to be out of the house for his flight by 4:30am). In other words, I don't see a way for me to go to the dept graduation and get back in time to accommodate DH's trip.

Would you:

1. Have everyone (DH, DC, and me) go to the Saturday ceremony and leave Sunday morning.

2. Go alone to both and try to get childcare to cover Monday morning.

3. Take the toddler with me, and leave DH at home.

4. Go alone to the Saturday ceremony and leave Sunday morning.

5. Not go at all.

Not go

[Anonymous]

Do you work? If you don't work, go and stay several days with your kid.

[Anonymous]

Don't go.

College graduation is like having a kid- nobody really cares after the 1st.

Send a nice card/gift/call her. Yes. Then resume your normal routine.

[Anonymous]

All that matters is the Sunday Department Ceremony. Go on this trip alone. Get childcare to cover Monday morning.

[Anonymous]

It's a month away, airfare is going to be crazy expensive. Tell her if she had given you proper notice you could have made arrangements, but now it's too late.

If she doesn't walk until next spring then the situation will be different.

[Anonymous]

Don’t go, crazy with a toddler that age. Offer to buy your sister a plane ticket to visit you at a convenient time so you can actually enjoy each other’s company.

[Anonymous]

I think your sister will understand the issue. I'd leave my child at home with DH, attend on Saturday and celebrate Saturday night and then fly home Sunday so DH can leave on Monday. If that's a problem for her then she has her head up her.....!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the same OP who was offended that her sister wasn't flying from CA for her DD 1st birthday party this fall.
You seem to have a weird hangup on attending/not family events that most people don't expect everyone to come to.

I think so too despite the denial above. I did not walk for my second graduate degree. And neither DH nor I have ever attended siblings PhD or terminal ceremonies. DH's youngest sibling attended his law school graduation who was 13 at the time and had to go with their parents.

[Anonymous]

This doesn't answer your question directly, but if your child is under 2 by the time of the trip, most airlines only require you to pay taxes for a lap child. You could decide at the last minute if he would/n't accompany you.

[Anonymous]

Ask her. I just graduated and didn't go to the university wide one - just the department. Maybe one is more important to her than the other.

Go by yourself. Dragging a little one to this will not be fun for anyone involved. Enjoy a quick solo trip to celebrate with the fam - it's nice to get away for a couple of days anyway.

[Anonymous]

5. Sounds to me like the trip from Hell.

[Anonymous]

Don't go. Tell your sister that most people don't take part in all that for PhDs. And they certainly don't expect others to attend. Especially if they have toddlers and live on the other side of the country.

[Anonymous]

No way would I take a toddler that far for that short of a trip. If you can't find overnight child care for Sunday night/ Monday morning, I wouldn't go. Although I don't think it would be that hard to find someone to cover Monday morning if you throw some money at it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:5. Not go at all.

By the time I walked for my Phd, I had done the walk for my BS and my MS. My Phd walk was a big deal to me for the sense of accomplishment but I didn't need anyone else to be there.

I was nine months pregnant, had moved away from university town and didn't even go myself. It's not the sort of thing that mommy and daddy andsibs need to go to.

[Anonymous]

When you're in grad school, all such ceremonies have little meaning. I don't know one PhD graduate who attached that much importance to it. I didn't even go to any of my events! The dissertation defense is really what gets your adrenaline going.

Therefore, you needn't go.