WWYD -- sister's PhD graduation could not be timed worse

[Anonymous]

Why are you all going to her graduation?

I would just skip it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does your sister care if you go? I think most people would not expect their sibling tondrag a toddler cross county for 2 days. Its not like you'll really be able to attend the ceremonies with a kid that young anyway. Unless your 1.5 year old can sit for 4 hours.

I think she'll be really offended if I don't go. She doesn't have a kid and doesn't understand what a PITA it would be to cart a toddler across the country for 2 days.

Also, there's no way my kid can sit still for 4 hours. At my husband's MBA ceremony, his parents and I switched off taking her out into the hallway. It would be the same thing for this. Plus, the ceremony is smack in the middle of her naptime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I reading this correctly that this is a little over a month away and she may or may not actually walk? When will she know? You're expected to buy a plane ticket and make plans for something that may not actually happen?

Oh, I'm not buying a ticket unless this thing happens.

I guess she'll walk if she gets a job before the ceremony?

I honestly don't know why she doesn't just plan on walking next spring. I don't think the university cares.

[Anonymous]

I think you should be able to get out of it based on the uncertainty of her actually walking this year. You don't want to book flights until it's confirmed that she's walking and then by that time there's not enough time for you to firm up a plan that will work.

[Anonymous]

I vote #1

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't go. But then, I didn't even walk for my masters, after seeing what a long, boring ceremony my undergrad was.

I did not attend my sister's masters grad either.

[Anonymous]

I'm graduating this spring with my PhD as well and don't expect anyone but my DH and kid to be there. For my MA, my DH, my parents, and ILs came (and frankly I thought that was a bit much). College was just my parents. My brothers have never attended my graduations (except HS).

You think you're sister will be offended, but have you asked her? Have you explained that that particular weekend is just not going to work to fly cross country, unfortunately? It's not like you would not go because you want to spite her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister is finishing a PhD program this year. She has not found a job yet. If she finds a job in time to walk this May, she will do so. If not, she'll stay at her university for another year, and walk next spring.

The graduation is split between a Saturday and a Sunday in mid-May. The university-wide ceremony is on Saturday, and her department ceremony is on Sunday afternoon. Her university is in CA.

DH has an early morning flight that Monday for a business trip, and we have a 1.5 year old.

The only flights that seem like they would conceivably work on that Sunday to accommodate her dept graduation are late evening red-eyes that get me in at the crack of dawn that Monday (too late for DH because he has to be out of the house for his flight by 4:30am). In other words, I don't see a way for me to go to the dept graduation and get back in time to accommodate DH's trip.

Would you:

1. Have everyone (DH, DC, and me) go to the Saturday ceremony and leave Sunday morning.

2. Go alone to both and try to get childcare to cover Monday morning.

3. Take the toddler with me, and leave DH at home.

4. Go alone to the Saturday ceremony and leave Sunday morning.

5. Not go at all.

My DH's sisters didn't even go to his college graduation! I can't imagine asking my sister to bring her toddler to watch me walk across the stage for a PHD. I get it is a big deal but, that is too much to ask. Just tell her now it isn't going to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I reading this correctly that this is a little over a month away and she may or may not actually walk? When will she know? You're expected to buy a plane ticket and make plans for something that may not actually happen?

Oh, I'm not buying a ticket unless this thing happens.

I guess she'll walk if she gets a job before the ceremony?

I honestly don't know why she doesn't just plan on walking next spring. I don't think the university cares.

I got my PhD from a UC. She can also walk in December. She doesn't have to wait until next spring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should be able to get out of it based on the uncertainty of her actually walking this year. You don't want to book flights until it's confirmed that she's walking and then by that time there's not enough time for you to firm up a plan that will work.

This. And offer to do something else special to celebrate at a time that works better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm graduating this spring with my PhD as well and don't expect anyone but my DH and kid to be there. For my MA, my DH, my parents, and ILs came (and frankly I thought that was a bit much). College was just my parents. My brothers have never attended my graduations (except HS).

You think you're sister will be offended, but have you asked her? Have you explained that that particular weekend is just not going to work to fly cross country, unfortunately? It's not like you would not go because you want to spite her.

I'm 99.9% sure. Reason being, she explicitly told DH and me she expected us to fly to England for her MPhil graduation, which we did because my parents footed the bill (and we didn't have a kid then). I'll ask her, but I would be shocked if she didn't expect all three of us there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your sister care if you go? I think most people would not expect their sibling tondrag a toddler cross county for 2 days. Its not like you'll really be able to attend the ceremonies with a kid that young anyway. Unless your 1.5 year old can sit for 4 hours.

I think she'll be really offended if I don't go. She doesn't have a kid and doesn't understand what a PITA it would be to cart a toddler across the country for 2 days.

Also, there's no way my kid can sit still for 4 hours. At my husband's MBA ceremony, his parents and I switched off taking her out into the hallway. It would be the same thing for this. Plus, the ceremony is smack in the middle of her naptime.

Send the princess a nice gift, and don't go. Geez.

This is like people getting bent out of shape because others don't fuss about their 43rd birthday. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't your DH fly from California to his business trip? I work for the fed government and they even allow stuff like that as long as it's not more expensive.

Otherwise why not take the toddler and hang out with your family after the graduations? It seems like you're a sahm since you don't have childcare?

Why would working mean you have childcare available at 4:30 a.m.?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you all going to her graduation?

I would just skip it.

+100 I think 1 in 20 showed up when receiving a masters and very few family attended. The PHDs were like one in 50 showing up. Tell she you can’t make it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm graduating this spring with my PhD as well and don't expect anyone but my DH and kid to be there. For my MA, my DH, my parents, and ILs came (and frankly I thought that was a bit much). College was just my parents. My brothers have never attended my graduations (except HS).

You think you're sister will be offended, but have you asked her? Have you explained that that particular weekend is just not going to work to fly cross country, unfortunately? It's not like you would not go because you want to spite her.

I'm 99.9% sure. Reason being, she explicitly told DH and me she expected us to fly to England for her MPhil graduation, which we did because my parents footed the bill (and we didn't have a kid then). I'll ask her, but I would be shocked if she didn't expect all three of us there.

It’s time for her to grow up. Just tell her you can not make it.