Do you care about being estranged from your adult children?

[Anonymous]

If you had a falling out with one off your children and no longer see them regularly, (or at all), does it bother you? Does the answer change if you only have 1 child? Does it change if grandkids are involved? Do you just focus on other parts of your life/ your spouse?

[Anonymous]

We had a “falling out” with one of our adult children. Grandchild was involved. We were cut off from our granddaughter, so we fell on the sword and apologized for upsetting the parents. For what, we have no idea. However, we get to see our grandchild and we have the privilege of spending lots of money to do so.
I don’t know when or how everything got flip flopped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had a “falling out” with one of our adult children. Grandchild was involved. We were cut off from our granddaughter, so we fell on the sword and apologized for upsetting the parents. For what, we have no idea. However, we get to see our grandchild and we have the privilege of spending lots of money to do so.
I don’t know when or how everything got flip flopped.

You sound like my husband, who says: "I've no idea what I'm apologizing for, but here's my apology". In other words, it's meaningless. You must have some idea of why your child was upset, even if you believe you are not responsible, right? What did they say?

[Anonymous]

My husband has been estranged from his three kids from his first marriage. Ex wife did everything she could to make him the one and lied about so many things and the kids believed it. He does not care as its been so many years. One started to reach out occasionally and he's friendly back but he'd be happier if they didn't contact him as its who knows what its really about and he's tired of it. One other only calls for money and once we started saying no, they refused to talk to us, which is fine. If you have a kid, living with your girlfriend who refuses to work and you are in school, you figure out how to provide. We offered all our baby gear and clothing and they refused demanding new. No biggie.

[Anonymous]

DHs parents banished themselves from our family. They’re welcomed back into our lives at their earliest convenience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband has been estranged from his three kids from his first marriage. Ex wife did everything she could to make him the one and lied about so many things and the kids believed it. He does not care as its been so many years. One started to reach out occasionally and he's friendly back but he'd be happier if they didn't contact him as its who knows what its really about and he's tired of it. One other only calls for money and once we started saying no, they refused to talk to us, which is fine. If you have a kid, living with your girlfriend who refuses to work and you are in school, you figure out how to provide. We offered all our baby gear and clothing and they refused demanding new. No biggie.

I can see why his kids don't have a relationship with him. And it's not their mother's fault.

[Anonymous]

I have adult children. Being estranged from any one of them would destroy me. Nothing is more important to me than my husband and our children. I don't always agree with the decisions they make, but I would never let it harm our relationship.

And PP....Your DH (and really, you as well) should be ashamed. I know all too well the destruction an angry ex can cause. It doesn't matter. You keep trying. You don't give up on your children. Ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has been estranged from his three kids from his first marriage. Ex wife did everything she could to make him the one and lied about so many things and the kids believed it. He does not care as its been so many years. One started to reach out occasionally and he's friendly back but he'd be happier if they didn't contact him as its who knows what its really about and he's tired of it. One other only calls for money and once we started saying no, they refused to talk to us, which is fine. If you have a kid, living with your girlfriend who refuses to work and you are in school, you figure out how to provide. We offered all our baby gear and clothing and they refused demanding new. No biggie.

I can see why his kids don't have a relationship with him. And it's not their mother's fault.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband has been estranged from his three kids from his first marriage. Ex wife did everything she could to make him the one and lied about so many things and the kids believed it. He does not care as its been so many years. One started to reach out occasionally and he's friendly back but he'd be happier if they didn't contact him as its who knows what its really about and he's tired of it. One other only calls for money and once we started saying no, they refused to talk to us, which is fine. If you have a kid, living with your girlfriend who refuses to work and you are in school, you figure out how to provide. We offered all our baby gear and clothing and they refused demanding new. No biggie.

You should be ashamed to call this “man” your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband has been estranged from his three kids from his first marriage. Ex wife did everything she could to make him the one and lied about so many things and the kids believed it. He does not care as its been so many years. One started to reach out occasionally and he's friendly back but he'd be happier if they didn't contact him as its who knows what its really about and he's tired of it. One other only calls for money and once we started saying no, they refused to talk to us, which is fine. If you have a kid, living with your girlfriend who refuses to work and you are in school, you figure out how to provide. We offered all our baby gear and clothing and they refused demanding new. No biggie.

Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has been estranged from his three kids from his first marriage. Ex wife did everything she could to make him the one and lied about so many things and the kids believed it. He does not care as its been so many years. One started to reach out occasionally and he's friendly back but he'd be happier if they didn't contact him as its who knows what its really about and he's tired of it. One other only calls for money and once we started saying no, they refused to talk to us, which is fine. If you have a kid, living with your girlfriend who refuses to work and you are in school, you figure out how to provide. We offered all our baby gear and clothing and they refused demanding new. No biggie.

I can see why his kids don't have a relationship with him. And it's not their mother's fault.

Why is it always the man to blame? She cheated, she told the kids he didn't pay child support and the extra's she demanded and that is why they went without when she refused to spend the money (and if we bought stuff for the kids and sent it, she threw it away), etc. So, after being treated like crap by the kids and ex, what more should he do? They only want his money and when they are adults, its time they support themselves (and if they want gifts/money, at least email a thank you when you receive it). He's a great father and husband. If kids want money from Dad, since he pays life long alimony, get it from her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have adult children. Being estranged from any one of them would destroy me. Nothing is more important to me than my husband and our children. I don't always agree with the decisions they make, but I would never let it harm our relationship.

And PP....Your DH (and really, you as well) should be ashamed. I know all too well the destruction an angry ex can cause. It doesn't matter. You keep trying. You don't give up on your children. Ever.

Why in the world should PP be ashamed? Her husband makes his own choices and we have no idea what he went through to come to that decision.

[Anonymous]

I was estranged from my dad from age 15 to 27.

My mom manipulated me and lied to me about him, I truly believed he was “evil” as she put it.

He never gave up on me. Never. No matter what I threw at him, no matter how much I hated him, how cruel I was, all I ever got back was “I love you and I am here for you whenever you need me.”

That’s what real parental love looks like.

[Anonymous]

Many, many of my friends have adult kids who drew lines in the sand over the most trivial things. Perceived expressions, they bought the wrong gift, didn't go to a recital, whatever. They all seem like they are in hostage situations so they can see their grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has been estranged from his three kids from his first marriage. Ex wife did everything she could to make him the one and lied about so many things and the kids believed it. He does not care as its been so many years. One started to reach out occasionally and he's friendly back but he'd be happier if they didn't contact him as its who knows what its really about and he's tired of it. One other only calls for money and once we started saying no, they refused to talk to us, which is fine. If you have a kid, living with your girlfriend who refuses to work and you are in school, you figure out how to provide. We offered all our baby gear and clothing and they refused demanding new. No biggie.

I can see why his kids don't have a relationship with him. And it's not their mother's fault.

+1 (estranged from my father and his common-law wife sounded exactly like you do.)