Maternal grandparent advantage

[Anonymous]

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/03/21/well/family/the-maternal-grandparent-advantage.html

This is definitely true in my house, because MIL and I are just opposite personalities, and I find interactions with her stressful. My mom on the other hand, is down to earth and gets me, plus she’s a nurse, so it seems natural to call her for advice on parenting rather than MIL. But reading this made me feel bad- I’m going to be more mindful about giving MIL equal access to DD.

[Anonymous]

It goes both ways too. My MIL is way more involved with her daughters' families and never offers to visit or help us the same as she does them.

I also think that young families raise their kids more like how the mom was raised instead of the dad.

[Anonymous]

Oh this is definitely true. I feel bad for women who don't have daughters

[Anonymous]

I have not seem my mother since I was 16. She was not at my wedding and has not met our kids. I love the hell out of my MIL. I don't ask for parenting advice but do think she's an awesome grandmother and love that she's part of our girls' lives.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s perspective. My MIL thinks my mom gets more, but in reality, my MIL gets the longer more intimate visits, sleepovers, etc, and my mom gets lunches and short visits, but more frequently.

[Anonymous]

As the article says, it can be very dependent on family dynamics. The two studies mentioned are 14 and 18 years old, so I'd be interested in updated data with the options that allow for more video contact these days. We live a block from my parents who are minimally involved in my children's lives. We live a couple hour flight from my ILs and see them probably 5 or 6 times a year and FaceTime or Skype at least once a week. My children spend a lot more time with my ILs, whether in person or on the phone/computer and have much closer relationships with them than with my own parents despite geographic proximity. I am very thankful that my ILa are such a wonderful and caring people and I'm grateful that my kids have them for grandparents.

[Anonymous]

My MIL does a lot more for my DD than my mom

[Anonymous]

Not true in my family. My inlaws live closer and like visiting more anyway so they come a lot more frequently than my parents do and, as a result, they are more involved with our kids and have a closer relationship with our kids than my parents do. In laws also Skype with us often and my parents don't like skyping. It's not that the in laws love the kids more than my parents do, it's just that they are naturally more social, fun-loving people and they really enjoy being w young kids whereas my parents are more reserved and not as kid centered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s perspective. My MIL thinks my mom gets more, but in reality, my MIL gets the longer more intimate visits, sleepovers, etc, and my mom gets lunches and short visits, but more frequently.

a
Reverse situation here and local MIL complains that she only gets lunches and short visits. She insists on the sleepovers and older kids do stay over once every couple of months. I would be nicer and more accommodating had she not treated me like she did for the first 7 years of my marriage. She was a cartoonish MIL from hell: went through my stuff, locked me out of MY house, spit out the food I cooked as iin disgust, checked for dust in the most random places, etc. She is now trying to be civil as DH puts it, but she will never ever get any privelage over my parents. She made her bed. rant’s over.

My dad’s paternal grandparents lived with his parents, did not speak the same language as my dad’s mom, but were closer to my dad and his siblings than their maternal grandparents because of the access.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s perspective. My MIL thinks my mom gets more, but in reality, my MIL gets the longer more intimate visits, sleepovers, etc, and my mom gets lunches and short visits, but more frequently.

a
Reverse situation here and local MIL complains that she only gets lunches and short visits. She insists on the sleepovers and older kids do stay over once every couple of months. I would be nicer and more accommodating had she not treated me like she did for the first 7 years of my marriage. She was a cartoonish MIL from hell: went through my stuff, locked me out of MY house, spit out the food I cooked as iin disgust, checked for dust in the most random places, etc. She is now trying to be civil as DH puts it, but she will never ever get any privelage over my parents. She made her bed. rant’s over.

My dad’s paternal grandparents lived with his parents, did not speak the same language as my dad’s mom, but were closer to my dad and his siblings than their maternal grandparents because of the access.

I never had it this bad but my MIL is a narcissist and treated me badly in very odd passive aggressive ways when we dated and before our kids came along. After the kids came, she acted like my first born belonged to her. It was bizarre. I found ways to shut her out. Her loss as I do t think my kids ever liked her much anyway. They could smell the suffocating manipulation a mile away.

[Anonymous]

People always come on these posts to present their anecdata that is counter to the trend cited in the research. The subject seems to make people really defensive. I have only sons and this is the exact reason I wanted a daughter. I love my boys, but I don't assume that I will be as involved in their families' lives when they're older and married as I would be in a daughter's. My experience is consistent with the article - most of the families I know are closer to the wife's parents than the husband's.

[Anonymous]

They focused on the mother daughter relationship only.

I was incredibly close to my dad, closer than I was to my mom (though still close). My boys loved my dad. He had the same interests as them. He was funny, engaging, warm hearted and involved. All five grandsons were extremely close to him (The maternal grandpa).

This was all about mothers/daughters and fairly stereotypical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People always come on these posts to present their anecdata that is counter to the trend cited in the research. The subject seems to make people really defensive. I have only sons and this is the exact reason I wanted a daughter. I love my boys, but I don't assume that I will be as involved in their families' lives when they're older and married as I would be in a daughter's. My experience is consistent with the article - most of the families I know are closer to the wife's parents than the husband's.

My sister’s DIL is closer to her than her own mother. Her own mom was less similar and more a loner type. My sister basically planned the wedding with her DIL. DIL was so happy to have somebody interested in the traditions, planning, etc.

[Anonymous]

Not the case in my family. I just dropped my kids off at MILs house to stay for the next three days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh this is definitely true. I feel bad for women who don't have daughters

Don't feel sorry for me. I always wanted sons only. I feel sorry for moms without sons.