SIL sucking up to my Mom

[Anonymous]

My mom has frequent hospitalizations for a chronic condition. She was recently admitted and discharged for one night. She is recuperating now and doing much better at home. My brother and SIL never went to see her in the hospital nor did they offer to do anything for her once she got home. My mom is still really independent and does most things except for drive. I’m the one who steps up to help with grocery shopping, house cleaning etc when my Mom is sick yet they have never offered to lift a finger.

I think SIL felt bad because I mentioned to her in passing how busy I was with DD and caretaking, because today she sent flowers to my Mom. But did she offer to actually do anything? No. Of course my Mom fawns over how “nice” her DIL is and keep fussing with the flowers on where to put them.

Prior to my brother marrying my SIL, my brother helped my parents out a lot financially, which has stopped since he got married. He doesn’t help them anymore and it’s hard on them, but they would never mention anything to him about it. I’m not in a position to help them financially, I’m a single mom and don’t receive child support, my mom cares for DS while DD is at school so she helps me a lot.

I’m just frustrated that SIL barely lifts a finger and my mom is over the moon - yet they don’t bother to do anything else to help with what they actually need (help with bills, visiting my mom and taking the load off me).

[Anonymous]

Can you not just be happy that your mother is happy ?

[Anonymous]

You are jealous. You are also disgusting.
You way brother to bankrole your parents while you play the single mom victim card.
Be happy she doesn't play mind games with your mom and treat her like crap.

Choose wisely next time before you reproduce, if helping your parents is so important to you.

Sounds like your parents the play victim too. Why can't the support themselves? Your brother an for SIL are the only non losers here,

[Anonymous]

First of all, this is all on your brother. What has *he* done? Talk with *him* about sharing the load.

What SIL did was a nice gesture, and it's not her responsibility to do the care-taking.

Nor should you be mad that he isn't supporting your parents financially anymore--different goals and priorities come with marriage, planning for house, kids all that. It was nice that he did that for a time--assuming it would go on forever, particularly when he was single while doing it, was short-sighted.

[Anonymous]

Wait... your mom babysits for FREE for you, you don't give her money.

You are mad the BIL and SIL, who get no freebies, don't fork over cash?

You are nuts.

[Anonymous]

You should ask your brother to help out. That's on him, not your SIL. If he can't contribute financially anymore, then ask him to share the caretaking load.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First of all, this is all on your brother. What has *he* done? Talk with *him* about sharing the load.

What SIL did was a nice gesture, and it's not her responsibility to do the care-taking.

Nor should you be mad that he isn't supporting your parents financially anymore--different goals and priorities come with marriage, planning for house, kids all that. It was nice that he did that for a time--assuming it would go on forever, particularly when he was single while doing it, was short-sighted.

+10000

[Anonymous]

This is pretty insane. Why do your parents need money from your brother? He's married now and decisions are joint.

Stop ragging on your SIL and start nagging your brother to step up and help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should ask your brother to help out. That's on him, not your SIL. If he can't contribute financially anymore, then ask him to share the caretaking load.

Caretaking load???
The MIL babysits OP's kid. Sounds like OP should find other arrangements to ease the load on MIL. Instead, OP is adding to MIL's burden.

[Anonymous]

My mom isn’t able to work, she hasn’t been working for years so it’s a struggle for my dad to support both of them financially on top of her medical bills. My brother used to pay a lot of their utilities prior to marriage when he wasn’t deployed overseas and lived with them.

I just feel like he got married and everything he helped our parents with went to the wayside and he doesn’t even try anymore.

[Anonymous]

Well you help your mom and she watches your younger child, right? Your brother and SIL are friendly and independent. I can't see any fault here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well you help your mom and she watches your younger child, right? Your brother and SIL are friendly and independent. I can't see any fault here.

THIS

[Anonymous]

You sound a lot like my sister (I'm not like OP's brother, but I'm sure my sister resents me a bit, and would resent if my bro's wife sent a bouquet that my parents fawned over.)

I would see it this way: Your parents know what's up. They know their son doesn't the same way anymore. They are happy they were thrown a "bone" so to speak. Your mom may be upset internally that your bro/SIL haven't done more, and so she's over-compensating by fawning over the bouquet. That doesn't, in any way, take away from your mom's appreciation of what you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom isn’t able to work, she hasn’t been working for years so it’s a struggle for my dad to support both of them financially on top of her medical bills. My brother used to pay a lot of their utilities prior to marriage when he wasn’t deployed overseas and lived with them.

I just feel like he got married and everything he helped our parents with went to the wayside and he doesn’t even try anymore.

Times change. Such is life.
YOU are the one who TAKES from them. Yet you want him to GIVE to them. Bad logic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom isn’t able to work, she hasn’t been working for years so it’s a struggle for my dad to support both of them financially on top of her medical bills. My brother used to pay a lot of their utilities prior to marriage when he wasn’t deployed overseas and lived with them.

I just feel like he got married and everything he helped our parents with went to the wayside and he doesn’t even try anymore.

Sorry but things change when people get married. If your mom isn't upset about it, then you shouldn't be either. I personally wouldn't be happy if DH was paying bills for his parents. We need to focus on creating our own little family and saving for our retirement.