SIL sucking up to my Mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom isn’t able to work, she hasn’t been working for years so it’s a struggle for my dad to support both of them financially on top of her medical bills. My brother used to pay a lot of their utilities prior to marriage when he wasn’t deployed overseas and lived with them.

I just feel like he got married and everything he helped our parents with went to the wayside and he doesn’t even try anymore.

Wait, your dad is around too? She sounded like an elderly widow in your op. How old are your parents? How old is your brother?

Brother is 36. Father is 62, my mom is 58. SIL is 29.

My parents went through some financial challenges when my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in her late 40s. She’s been in remission for 6+ years now but she wants to spend as much time with her grandchildren, hence why she offers childcare. I would pay them if I could, but I’m not in a position financially. My brother really helped with some of that burden and was there for my mom all the years she was sick, but now all support has stopped even though the need is still there. My mom has nerve pain and had a stroke during treatment so she’s not 100%.

It’s a very hard place for our family to be. My SIL is going back to school for her masters in nursing, which frustrates me because she’s a NURSE but can’t offer to do any caregiving for her own MIL when she’s sick?

OMG. Please stop whining. Really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should ask your brother to help out. That's on him, not your SIL. If he can't contribute financially anymore, then ask him to share the caretaking load.

+1

Your parents are not your sister in law's responsibility. She has her own family that she will have to deal with. Talk to your brother. Leave SIL out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well you help your mom and she watches your younger child, right? Your brother and SIL are friendly and independent. I can't see any fault here.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom isn’t able to work, she hasn’t been working for years so it’s a struggle for my dad to support both of them financially on top of her medical bills. My brother used to pay a lot of their utilities prior to marriage when he wasn’t deployed overseas and lived with them.

I just feel like he got married and everything he helped our parents with went to the wayside and he doesn’t even try anymore.

Wait, your dad is around too? She sounded like an elderly widow in your op. How old are your parents? How old is your brother?

Brother is 36. Father is 62, my mom is 58. SIL is 29.

My parents went through some financial challenges when my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in her late 40s. She’s been in remission for 6+ years now but she wants to spend as much time with her grandchildren, hence why she offers childcare. I would pay them if I could, but I’m not in a position financially. My brother really helped with some of that burden and was there for my mom all the years she was sick, but now all support has stopped even though the need is still there. My mom has nerve pain and had a stroke during treatment so she’s not 100%.

It’s a very hard place for our family to be. My SIL is going back to school for her masters in nursing, which frustrates me because she’s a NURSE but can’t offer to do any caregiving for her own MIL when she’s sick?

How is it that your mom requires caregiving, yet provides childcare to you?
Sounds like SIL is in school, how can you expect her to give money to your parents?

The need is still there??? OMG, this isn't your BIL's problem. This is more YOUR problem. You leech off your ill mother.

+1

If you are angry and upset that your mom is sick and your family doesn't have enough money, that's ok. It's a crappy situation to be in. But don't blame your SIL. ITS NOT HER FAULT.

[Anonymous]

How in the world does a person who needs caregiving act as a babysitter? I don't understand this post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How in the world does a person who needs caregiving act as a babysitter? I don't understand this post.

Pretty sure OP is using the word “caregiving” as a euphemism for her brother paying her parents’ bills.

[Anonymous]

Op, your post sucks on many levels! Read it from your SIL's viewpoint and let us know what you think!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom isn’t able to work, she hasn’t been working for years so it’s a struggle for my dad to support both of them financially on top of her medical bills. My brother used to pay a lot of their utilities prior to marriage when he wasn’t deployed overseas and lived with them.

I just feel like he got married and everything he helped our parents with went to the wayside and he doesn’t even try anymore.

Wait, your dad is around too? She sounded like an elderly widow in your op. How old are your parents? How old is your brother?

Brother is 36. Father is 62, my mom is 58. SIL is 29.

My parents went through some financial challenges when my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in her late 40s. She’s been in remission for 6+ years now but she wants to spend as much time with her grandchildren, hence why she offers childcare. I would pay them if I could, but I’m not in a position financially. My brother really helped with some of that burden and was there for my mom all the years she was sick, but now all support has stopped even though the need is still there. My mom has nerve pain and had a stroke during treatment so she’s not 100%.

It’s a very hard place for our family to be. My SIL is going back to school for her masters in nursing, which frustrates me because she’s a NURSE but can’t offer to do any caregiving for her own MIL when she’s sick?

It's not her mother. It's your brother you need to be upset with- but it is easier to blame someone else.

[Anonymous]

OP - are you living with your parents?

Are you working?

For your information when someone is a nurse it doesn't mean she owes caregiving to everybody she knows. This is your mother, not hers. Why would she do free labor AND your brother would foot the bills?

What are YOU doing to help yourself and your parents to get out of this hard place? Other than occasional grocery shopping?

[Anonymous]

Yes OP lives with her parents. I would bet on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes OP lives with her parents. I would bet on it.

Yes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - are you living with your parents?

Are you working?

For your information when someone is a nurse it doesn't mean she owes caregiving to everybody she knows. This is your mother, not hers. Why would she do free labor AND your brother would foot the bills?

What are YOU doing to help yourself and your parents to get out of this hard place? Other than occasional grocery shopping?

DP. My mom is a RN (also has a masters which btw is quite common and frequently necessary for advancement in the field) and this stood out to me as well. I would NEVER expect her to do her job, which btw is quite difficult, and then come home and do it for free again. That is completely ridiculous and SO entitled. Also...the type of help that you are seeking sounds more like something that a medical aide would do and would not require a nurse. Additionally, nurses frequently have specialization so if your SIL is say a pediatric or NICU nurse she wouldn’t necessarily be an appropriate caretaker for her MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes OP lives with her parents. I would bet on it.

Yes

Pretty sure OP took her toys and went home when people called her out for simultaneously taking advantage of her mother for free childcare and bitching about her brother and SIL not helping with her mother’s caretaker.

[Anonymous]

Maybe your brother thinks you pay your mother for the work she does so he no longer has to give them money.

[Anonymous]

OP, don't listen to the bitter harpies. Talk to you brother. Forget your SIL; she's irrelevant. Your brother needs to step up and help. I'm not saying it's his responsibility to support his parents. We live in a society where it's no one's responsibility, and old people should go away and die already. But the fact that he doesn't help (or hire help) to clean and cook etc is not okay. He needs to bear his fair share.