Completely devastated by 2nd divorce

[Anonymous]

I am getting divorced for the 2nd time after being married for less than 2 years. I feel like a complete failure, he cheated on me a couple of months ago and I wanted to stay to work it out, go through therapy but in the process found out he kept lying to me , over and over, was still in communication with the OW when he said they were not, was still lying to me about the details of hte affair, the length of it, the depth of it. I just suddenly got tired of the lies and I am ready to walk away, but i feel so broken. I still love my husband, he is also my friend. I feel like I wont be able to move on, who will I call when I get off work? on my way to work? who will keep me company or reassure me when things are bad. I know the right choice is to divorce because I deserve better, but I am so scared of the pain and heartbreak and trying to rebuild a life by myself all over again, the loneliness, the hurt. I dont know what i am looking for, maybe advice or validation that the right choice is to walk away from someone who cheated and keeps lying to you even if they are also very loving in other ways. Please give me the strength to walk away and tell me its going to be okay. I am crying as I am typing this as my heart is breaking

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am getting divorced for the 2nd time after being married for less than 2 years. I feel like a complete failure, he cheated on me a couple of months ago and I wanted to stay to work it out, go through therapy but in the process found out he kept lying to me , over and over, was still in communication with the OW when he said they were not, was still lying to me about the details of hte affair, the length of it, the depth of it. I just suddenly got tired of the lies and I am ready to walk away, but i feel so broken. I still love my husband, he is also my friend. I feel like I wont be able to move on, who will I call when I get off work? on my way to work? who will keep me company or reassure me when things are bad. I know the right choice is to divorce because I deserve better, but I am so scared of the pain and heartbreak and trying to rebuild a life by myself all over again, the loneliness, the hurt. I dont know what i am looking for, maybe advice or validation that the right choice is to walk away from someone who cheated and keeps lying to you even if they are also very loving in other ways. Please give me the strength to walk away and tell me its going to be okay. I am crying as I am typing this as my heart is breaking

I am so sorry you have to go through this. Please walk away from the marriage, you deserve better.

[Anonymous]

How old are you? You act as though your life is over. You do not want to be with someone who is going to lie to you and hurt you like that. You are strong and you will get through this. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Are you happy with your job? If you aren't use this as a chance to start over somewhere new. Start a new adventure.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry, OP. Why did the first marriage break up?

[Anonymous]

Does he still love you ?

[Anonymous]

I felt the same way. Similar story. I stayed. We are now very happy. Don’t feel like you have to walk away because it’s the right thing to do. You may want to stay and fight for the marriage. You seem like you’re reluctant to leave and you should figure out why. If there’s a glimmer of hope and he wants to fight for the marriage then give it all you’ve got.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am getting divorced for the 2nd time after being married for less than 2 years. I feel like a complete failure, he cheated on me a couple of months ago and I wanted to stay to work it out, go through therapy but in the process found out he kept lying to me , over and over, was still in communication with the OW when he said they were not, was still lying to me about the details of hte affair, the length of it, the depth of it. I just suddenly got tired of the lies and I am ready to walk away, but i feel so broken. I still love my husband, he is also my friend. I feel like I wont be able to move on, who will I call when I get off work? on my way to work? who will keep me company or reassure me when things are bad. I know the right choice is to divorce because I deserve better, but I am so scared of the pain and heartbreak and trying to rebuild a life by myself all over again, the loneliness, the hurt. I dont know what i am looking for, maybe advice or validation that the right choice is to walk away from someone who cheated and keeps lying to you even if they are also very loving in other ways. Please give me the strength to walk away and tell me its going to be okay. I am crying as I am typing this as my heart is breaking

Get to the bottom of why he cheated. Looking back there were serious problems in my marriage. The cheating wasn’t my fault but I still played a role in the unhappiness.

[Anonymous]

OP Here. I am 35. First marriage was in my early 20s, we were just too young and are still friends to this day. Yes there were problems in the marriage before the cheating, but I never expected him to cheat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I felt the same way. Similar story. I stayed. We are now very happy. Don’t feel like you have to walk away because it’s the right thing to do. You may want to stay and fight for the marriage. You seem like you’re reluctant to leave and you should figure out why. If there’s a glimmer of hope and he wants to fight for the marriage then give it all you’ve got.

But how can you reconcile when the person keeps on lying? He said he wanted to reconcile , begged me to stay but every week I find out new lies about the affair, and just a few days ago found out he was still talking to the OW. How do you go on after that? How do you even learn to trust the person again, he has told me so many lies that i dont know who he is anymore

[Anonymous]

Who said that: I can forgive you for lying. But I can’t forgive never being able to trust you again.

Sometimes the damage to the relationship is too much.

[Anonymous]

Do you have kids OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am getting divorced for the 2nd time after being married for less than 2 years. I feel like a complete failure, he cheated on me a couple of months ago and I wanted to stay to work it out, go through therapy but in the process found out he kept lying to me , over and over, was still in communication with the OW when he said they were not, was still lying to me about the details of hte affair, the length of it, the depth of it. I just suddenly got tired of the lies and I am ready to walk away, but i feel so broken. I still love my husband, he is also my friend. I feel like I wont be able to move on, who will I call when I get off work? on my way to work? who will keep me company or reassure me when things are bad. I know the right choice is to divorce because I deserve better, but I am so scared of the pain and heartbreak and trying to rebuild a life by myself all over again, the loneliness, the hurt. I dont know what i am looking for, maybe advice or validation that the right choice is to walk away from someone who cheated and keeps lying to you even if they are also very loving in other ways. Please give me the strength to walk away and tell me its going to be okay. I am crying as I am typing this as my heart is breaking

Get to the bottom of why he cheated. Looking back there were serious problems in my marriage. The cheating wasn’t my fault but I still played a role in the unhappiness.

There is NO excuse for cheating.

[Anonymous]

He’s not treating you well or respecting you. Do people make mistakes? Absolutely. What he is doing is dragging on with the mistake. There is no attempt to change or make amends.

Continue with the therapy and figure out why you ignored signs that were there before you got married. You saw them, but you chose to rationalize them or ignore them. Figure out why you did that so you can make a better choice next time.

It’s over with this guy. It will suck. Move on now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids OP?

I have one from my previous marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I felt the same way. Similar story. I stayed. We are now very happy. Don’t feel like you have to walk away because it’s the right thing to do. You may want to stay and fight for the marriage. You seem like you’re reluctant to leave and you should figure out why. If there’s a glimmer of hope and he wants to fight for the marriage then give it all you’ve got.

But how can you reconcile when the person keeps on lying? He said he wanted to reconcile , begged me to stay but every week I find out new lies about the affair, and just a few days ago found out he was still talking to the OW. How do you go on after that? How do you even learn to trust the person again, he has told me so many lies that i dont know who he is anymore

Sometimes things have to get REALLY bad before they can turn around. You have to hit rock bottom. Get some space.