Completely devastated by 2nd divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s not treating you well or respecting you. Do people make mistakes? Absolutely. What he is doing is dragging on with the mistake. There is no attempt to change or make amends.

Continue with the therapy and figure out why you ignored signs that were there before you got married. You saw them, but you chose to rationalize them or ignore them. Figure out why you did that so you can make a better choice next time.

It’s over with this guy. It will suck. Move on now.

He begged me to stay,cried and said he was willing to do anything to save the marriage. He wrote me letters after letters of apologies about how heartbroken he was over what he did and how it was the biggest regret of his life. What i dont get is while he was telling me all of that, he was still lying about the details of the affair and that he was still in contact with the OW. He said he only texted her when he was depressed and I was not talking to him because we had a fight or something. Every week, he confessed to some new lies after I keep digging and asking questions when the story doesnt make sense, or finding evidence, and he tells me that he lied because he did not want to hurt me. He just wanted us to move on from the affair without having to share the details because he did not want to see me hurt, so he keeps lying not to hurt me

[Anonymous]

Leave for your sake. If you can’t do that, leave for your kid’s sake. Show your kid how to have dignity in the face of betrayal.

[Anonymous]

Run, run! Don’t waste any more of your precious time with him. He cheats, he lies. Is this the example you want to set for your child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s not treating you well or respecting you. Do people make mistakes? Absolutely. What he is doing is dragging on with the mistake. There is no attempt to change or make amends.

Continue with the therapy and figure out why you ignored signs that were there before you got married. You saw them, but you chose to rationalize them or ignore them. Figure out why you did that so you can make a better choice next time.

It’s over with this guy. It will suck. Move on now.

He begged me to stay,cried and said he was willing to do anything to save the marriage. He wrote me letters after letters of apologies about how heartbroken he was over what he did and how it was the biggest regret of his life. What i dont get is while he was telling me all of that, he was still lying about the details of the affair and that he was still in contact with the OW. He said he only texted her when he was depressed and I was not talking to him because we had a fight or something. Every week, he confessed to some new lies after I keep digging and asking questions when the story doesnt make sense, or finding evidence, and he tells me that he lied because he did not want to hurt me. He just wanted us to move on from the affair without having to share the details because he did not want to see me hurt, so he keeps lying not to hurt me

So what’s your point in sharing this? He clearly has issues and is incapable of being the partner and spouse you need AND deserve. He can beg and plead all he wants. He’s still lying and disrespectful. Be done with this and begin picking up the piece of your life. The sooner you end this, the sooner you will begin to feel better.

[Anonymous]

It is easier said than done. I know the right thing to do is leave because I deserve better, but coming to this conclusion is devastating. I feel lost, alone and so sad and heartbroken

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is easier said than done. I know the right thing to do is leave because I deserve better, but coming to this conclusion is devastating. I feel lost, alone and so sad and heartbroken

Of course you are. Lean on family and good friends. Do not miss your therapy appointments. Be gentle with yourself. Set firm boundaries. And just take it day by day. You can do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is easier said than done. I know the right thing to do is leave because I deserve better, but coming to this conclusion is devastating. I feel lost, alone and so sad and heartbroken

Of course you are. Lean on family and good friends. Do not miss your therapy appointments. Be gentle with yourself. Set firm boundaries. And just take it day by day. You can do this.

Thank you but my family lives out of state and i dont have many friends

[Anonymous]

Did you get fat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is easier said than done. I know the right thing to do is leave because I deserve better, but coming to this conclusion is devastating. I feel lost, alone and so sad and heartbroken

Of course you are. Lean on family and good friends. Do not miss your therapy appointments. Be gentle with yourself. Set firm boundaries. And just take it day by day. You can do this.

Thank you but my family lives out of state and i dont have many friends

You have a phone. Use it. And you don’t need a ton of friends. Fewer is actually better. You just need people who care about you. Again, you have to continue with the therapist every week. Make that appointment the place where you can work through this.

Keep yourself busy. Volunteer somewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is easier said than done. I know the right thing to do is leave because I deserve better, but coming to this conclusion is devastating. I feel lost, alone and so sad and heartbroken

Of course you are. Lean on family and good friends. Do not miss your therapy appointments. Be gentle with yourself. Set firm boundaries. And just take it day by day. You can do this.

Thank you but my family lives out of state and i dont have many friends

You have a phone. Use it. And you don’t need a ton of friends. Fewer is actually better. You just need people who care about you. Again, you have to continue with the therapist every week. Make that appointment the place where you can work through this.

Keep yourself busy. Volunteer somewhere.

Will do. Thank you. Divorcing is the right thing to do right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is easier said than done. I know the right thing to do is leave because I deserve better, but coming to this conclusion is devastating. I feel lost, alone and so sad and heartbroken

Of course you are. Lean on family and good friends. Do not miss your therapy appointments. Be gentle with yourself. Set firm boundaries. And just take it day by day. You can do this.

Thank you but my family lives out of state and i dont have many friends

You have a phone. Use it. And you don’t need a ton of friends. Fewer is actually better. You just need people who care about you. Again, you have to continue with the therapist every week. Make that appointment the place where you can work through this.

Keep yourself busy. Volunteer somewhere.

Will do. Thank you. Divorcing is the right thing to do right?

Yes.

[Anonymous]

CoDa.org

You're co-dependent. This guy shit on you, lied to you, cheated, and you're saying he's your friend? WTF? Stop it. Find a CoDa meeting STAT.

[Anonymous]

Why did you divorce the first guy? If it’s for similar reasons, you need to figure out why you’re attracted to this kind of personality. Also, you seem to think that being with somebody or anybody is always better than being with nobody. Being with the right person is best, but if they’re wrong, nobody is often the better option.

Yes, breaking up sucks and is sad, but do you want to be 20 years older and still dealing with this crap from this guy? The band aid has to be ripped off st some point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids OP?

I have one from my previous marriage.

This is more of a reason to leave him. I'm reading the thread. He's a narcissist. People like this prey on co-depedents like you. You're exactly what they need. I know it hurts right now, but if you go to CoDa meetings, you'll have language for why your marriages fail. You'll understand so much more about yourself, and you'll be able to attract a healthy person who will love you and treat you well. You also need to do this for your kid's sake. Do you have a dd? You don't want her following in your footsteps. She is learning about relationships as she watches you have them. Do you have a son? Same thing. He's going to attract narcissists. It's what he'll know and feel comfortable with. Please break the cycle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:CoDa.org

You're co-dependent. This guy shit on you, lied to you, cheated, and you're saying he's your friend? WTF? Stop it. Find a CoDa meeting STAT.

The crazy thing is I am usually very secure and independent, I dont know why I am so scared to walk away this time. My first marriage, I was laughing on my way out, happy to start a new life and never thought about my ex a day. If anything my dh thinks im too independent and thats why he wasnt getting his emotional needs met.