new manager - resources for handling difficult employees?

[Anonymous]

I'm a new manager. Officially I'm not supposed to be one, but that's the reality in this world of hiring freezes and everyone "acting" as someone else.

I have an employee assigned to me that is just hard to work with - people find him confrontational, stubborn, and not accepting of input. Its apparent he thinks very highly of himself. That being said, technically he's very competent and every knows it, but its the emotional intelligence that he lacks.

Due to various structural limitations, I don't see or participate in much of the work he does, but many of his colleagues have come to me frustrated by their interactions with him. I've given some initial feedback that he needs to work on how he interacts with people, but what more can be done?

[Anonymous]

Is there any training that you can take? That will jumpstart you.

Also try to get another manager with experience to mentor/counsel you. It will help a lot.

You need to talk to him about his performance/conduct and then follow up in an email. Meet with him one on one regularly. Suck it up and document everything. But don't just do him, you'll have to document your team. Otherwise it looks like you're going after him.

Set up an XL with a sheet for each person. When they do something good, quickly note it (date, what it was). When something goes wrong, note that as well. This will be useful at annual evaluation time.

You'll need the documentation if you have to rate him-- he'll want an outstanding, probably got one all along. If you try to give him something less you'll need to have written documentation to back up your view point.

Find what he's good at, figure out a way so that he doesn't have to interact a lot with other team members. Play to his strengths. Good luck, it all totally sucks.

[Anonymous]

+1, but would add - take the high road. Being slick or underhanded will backfire.

[Anonymous]

You can fire him.

[Anonymous]

Is he overworked by any chance? At some point, I got so many projects to work on without anybody to help that I had to work through the holidays, weekends, had to work from the hospital when my child was hospitalized and was in surgery. Deep inside, I was quite angry at my coworkers who offered no help and simpathy and kept asking me numerous questions non-stop. I know they also complained to the management about their interactions with me. Try to find out what's going on in his life.

[Anonymous]

Read the book "Difficult Conversations." He deserves honest feedback about your expectations and concerns, and that will be a really uncomfortable conversation. Do it anyway. Don't blame the others, for example don't say "Oh, hah, Suzie can be so sensitive but it would be great if you could hear her out" Instead: "Your duties here includes teamwork and peer review. I need you to consider input from your colleagues, even if you ultimately decide you disagree with them." You may have to get more involved in his work -- "If you and the team can't agree, please schedule a meeting with me to discuss" -- even though that is the last thing you have time for. This personality type often isn't as good at his job as he/everyone thinks, but is left to muck things up in peace because dealing with him is so unpleasant.

Get his PD and performance plan from HR if you don't already have them: most performance plans have items like "teamwork" that are rating categories -- that is, you can get an "unsatisfactory" in that category. When the next performance plan is set, make sure to write in something specific about respect and fostering professional relationships.

21:08 makes excellent points about documenting: do all those things. Also try to figure out whether the interactions with colleagues are just rude (which is unfortunate but not illegal) or actually problematic in that they create a hostile environment. For example, if he's mostly rude to women or he makes racist jokes, that is something you need to elevate.

[Anonymous]

You need to find out from your boss how much authority you have. Because you don't want to threaten something you can't follow through on.

If you have the authority, I'd pull him in towards the end of the day and say "Dave, your work is fantastic. You know that. But your attitude is terrible. As you probably know from kindergarten, the ability to get along with others is a true skill. Are you aware that SEVEN of your coworkers have complained about your attitude and the way you talk to them?"

Then I'd talk about how people do what they have to, but they go above and beyond when they like you and are happy to help you.

Then I'd give him the two or three most offensive things he's doing that piss people off and ask him to work on those.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to find out from your boss how much authority you have. Because you don't want to threaten something you can't follow through on.

If you have the authority, I'd pull him in towards the end of the day and say "Dave, your work is fantastic. You know that. But your attitude is terrible. As you probably know from kindergarten, the ability to get along with others is a true skill. Are you aware that SEVEN of your coworkers have complained about your attitude and the way you talk to them?"

Then I'd talk about how people do what they have to, but they go above and beyond when they like you and are happy to help you.

Then I'd give him the two or three most offensive things he's doing that piss people off and ask him to work on those.

This is horrible advice. This is highly combative and will only foster resentment toward his team members.

I know everyone loves to jump to PIPs and prepping to fire, but you know, if you actually give someone constructive and specific feedback in a way that isn't threatening, you might have better luck at resolving the problem.

Before making this into a PIP or an issue on the performance evaluation, have a conversation with him that is direct but not abrasive. Think of yourself as modeling the behavior you want him to mimic. So many managers address interpersonal skills issues by demonstrating crappy interpersonal skills themselves.

Explain to him that you'd like him to work on his bedside manor. Give specific examples. "If Suzie comes to you and says X, instead of responding with Y, try responding with Z." Give him about three good examples. That's where you start. See how he responds. Give him a little time to incorporate your feedback.

The other thing is to search out a group training for your team on conflict resolution. Find a trainer who will come in and have people do exercises on working through conflict. This is NOT the goofy trust-building exercises. This is actual conflict resolution.

It's possible this guy is on the spectrum. Some people on the spectrum respond very well to very specific guidance. They don't do well with vague "improve your interpersonal skills." They need very specific pointers.

The other side to that is that it's possible the rest of your team is very close, and this guy is the odd man out. In that case, the guy may feel like he is alienated or he may feel defensive. This is why group conflict resolution training is good because it will also give those other employees skills to deal with difficult personalities instead of running to a manager.

If managers devoted the time they spend trying to fire people to actually trying to find solutions to problems of group dynamics, it would actually save organizations and companies a lot of money because you already have an investment in your employees. Firing them and then hiring someone new (and hoping that person works out) actually takes more resources and is riskier than simply resolving the issue.

[Anonymous]

* bedside manner

[Anonymous]

GREAT advice, but only if the employee is willing to accept feedback and act on it...I had two employees who refused any type of feedback that would help them improve...they believed because of their stellar performance ratings at other agencies that our team was just crazy, they were ultimately let go....hopefully OP's employee is receptive....

[Anonymous]

I find with one of my team members who loves to be praised - if I start with what went well and what I'm super happy with, it's a lot easier to segue to what we can work on for next time (and that can be conduct, tone, approach, negativity, whatever). Because he really thinks a lot of himself he also sets super high expectations and is frustrated when something doesn't go well, but not with me - with himself. That's fair. The last thing you want is someone who doesn't care whether they do well or not.

[Anonymous]

If he is very competent, maybe he is annoyed he is doing more work or having to listen to input that isn't helpful. Try to isolate him so he doesn't have to interact with many coworkers. I gave a guy like that a tiny office for himself and never had him work on group projects and excused him from most meeetings under the guise that he was too busy so needed the time to complete his work.

[Anonymous]

Search the archives of Ask a Manager (www.askamanager.org)

There's a Friday open thread where readers offer each other advice too--post there and you'll likely get some help.