For others in long term affairs-- do you think you'll get caught? Did you get caught? How?

[Anonymous]

My AP and I are really careful. Last week I had very upsetting news and got together with AP to talk over lunch. When we were out on the street he behaved really affectionately in broad daylight in the street. No one could have mistaken it for a platonic interaction. It registered later that we could easily have been seen by any number of people we have worked with.

Do people get sloppy after a while? Does the subconscious start wanting to get caught?

[Anonymous]

You can pay off your AP through your lawyer.

[Anonymous]

When it ends, one of the two parties involved gets mad and decides to drop a bomb into their former APs life by contacting his or her spouse.

I have a friend who slept with a number of married men at her workplace, and she was amazed at how eager they were "to give me the power to destroy their lives".

[Anonymous]

Yes, I do think we'll be caught. Considering ending it for that reason. I'd hate to lose him altogether.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My AP and I are really careful. Last week I had very upsetting news and got together with AP to talk over lunch. When we were out on the street he behaved really affectionately in broad daylight in the street. No one could have mistaken it for a platonic interaction. It registered later that we could easily have been seen by any number of people we have worked with.

Do people get sloppy after a while? Does the subconscious start wanting to get caught?

Why would you not go to your spouse about this news?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My AP and I are really careful. Last week I had very upsetting news and got together with AP to talk over lunch. When we were out on the street he behaved really affectionately in broad daylight in the street. No one could have mistaken it for a platonic interaction. It registered later that we could easily have been seen by any number of people we have worked with.

Do people get sloppy after a while? Does the subconscious start wanting to get caught?

Why would you not go to your spouse about this news?

Maybe spouse doesn’t care, or respond in any way other than “uh huh. That’s too bad.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My AP and I are really careful. Last week I had very upsetting news and got together with AP to talk over lunch. When we were out on the street he behaved really affectionately in broad daylight in the street. No one could have mistaken it for a platonic interaction. It registered later that we could easily have been seen by any number of people we have worked with.

Do people get sloppy after a while? Does the subconscious start wanting to get caught?

Why would you not go to your spouse about this news?

Maybe the spouse was the news.

[Anonymous]

Never got caught

[Anonymous]

I caught my mom. They were at home in bed and I came home early because a soccer game was rained out. I was 16. So yes, I would say they were very sloppy and deserved to be caught. I think she wanted to be-- she is not brave enough to get a divorce without a man to lean on. It sucks and I lost a lot of respect for her.

[Anonymous]

Nah. I don't want to get caught. My relationship is 5 years old this spring. Neither he nor I want to leave our spouses. We are friends, plus have sex. I doubt we will be sloppy or careless like you were.

[Anonymous]

My ex was having an affair with a co-worker and was caught by their boss looking too cozy-they were supervisor/supervisee so it got ugly, and then the whole thing unraveled from there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nah. I don't want to get caught. My relationship is 5 years old this spring. Neither he nor I want to leave our spouses. We are friends, plus have sex. I doubt we will be sloppy or careless like you were.

Why don't you want to leave your spouses? Are you still having sex with your spouses?

[Anonymous]

People get sloppy, yes, or they make a mistake despite being careful. But I think it's more subtle than just making a dumb mistake. They form habits of touching or relating each other that are hard to conceal in public, and even if there isn't anything specific to point to, an intelligent observer can tell the difference.

[Anonymous]

I actually started to smell my husband's affair partner. In the beginning I think he showered after and then got sloppy. One night I just caught a brief whif of nexus hairspray. My sister used it all throughout collage and the smell is very distinctive. I then caught it a few more times. If that first hunch that lead me to dig around a bit and then the world fell down. I don't think people realize how little of a clue it takes for the senses to heightened and to get caught.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually started to smell my husband's affair partner. In the beginning I think he showered after and then got sloppy. One night I just caught a brief whif of nexus hairspray. My sister used it all throughout collage and the smell is very distinctive. I then caught it a few more times. If that first hunch that lead me to dig around a bit and then the world fell down. I don't think people realize how little of a clue it takes for the senses to heightened and to get caught.

Agree. Everybody has a very distinct smell, although men don't always realize it.