For others in long term affairs-- do you think you'll get caught? Did you get caught? How?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine was busted because of hair. His AP was blonde and his whole family was Asian, so when his wife was doing the laundry and found a hair on his boxers, that was the clue and she figured it out from there.

This is why I don't believe people who say affairs "just happen". It's a choice, and to sustain it for more than a week or so is actually a lot of effort. Not the sort of thing you do without really thinking about it.

Just like affairs aren't "a mistake." An affair is hundreds if not thousands of willful lies and deceptions.

[Anonymous]

this is a fascinating thread ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine was busted because of hair. His AP was blonde and his whole family was Asian, so when his wife was doing the laundry and found a hair on his boxers, that was the clue and she figured it out from there.

This is why I don't believe people who say affairs "just happen". It's a choice, and to sustain it for more than a week or so is actually a lot of effort. Not the sort of thing you do without really thinking about it.

I've been concerned about the hair thing, leaving my hair in his car. It is distinctly unlike his wife's hair. Wouldn't most people wonder where a hair unlike yours in your spouse's car came from? Would you believe -colleague, niece, cousin?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine was busted because of hair. His AP was blonde and his whole family was Asian, so when his wife was doing the laundry and found a hair on his boxers, that was the clue and she figured it out from there.

This is why I don't believe people who say affairs "just happen". It's a choice, and to sustain it for more than a week or so is actually a lot of effort. Not the sort of thing you do without really thinking about it.

Wow. Worse than lipstick on the collar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People get sloppy, yes, or they make a mistake despite being careful. But I think it's more subtle than just making a dumb mistake. They form habits of touching or relating each other that are hard to conceal in public, and even if there isn't anything specific to point to, an intelligent observer can tell the difference.

This is what happened with 2 ex colleagues of mine. It was laughable that they thought no one knew.

[Anonymous]

DH caught me after the second time I cheated. The smell (aftershave gave it away).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine was busted because of hair. His AP was blonde and his whole family was Asian, so when his wife was doing the laundry and found a hair on his boxers, that was the clue and she figured it out from there.

This is why I don't believe people who say affairs "just happen". It's a choice, and to sustain it for more than a week or so is actually a lot of effort. Not the sort of thing you do without really thinking about it.

I've been concerned about the hair thing, leaving my hair in his car. It is distinctly unlike his wife's hair. Wouldn't most people wonder where a hair unlike yours in your spouse's car came from? Would you believe -colleague, niece, cousin?

If it is long hair of a distinctive color that would rule out most people. If you are a brunette with a pixie cut, safer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always chuckle at the people who are positive no one knows.
People know they just aren't motivated to say anything, yet.

+1 I know someone who I suspect is cheating. Others suspect it as well. I'm pretty certain she doesn't think anyone has a clue. She also posts a lot of happy photos with her husband. I think she thinks he's too passive/clueless. But I think it's only a matter of time before it comes out.

She's risking a lot, too. Not just her marriage. But she thinks she is smarter than everyone else. She's a fool.

You need to inform her DH ASAP. He deserves to know. Wouldn’t you want someone to tell you? Expose these people!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And then there’s the 6 degrees of separation thing (actually, I thinks it’s probably even less now with the social media revolution).
I travelled a lot for many years and I can’t tell you how many times I’d start chatting up the cutie next to me on a flight only to uncover that our worlds intersected at only two degrees.

And then there was the hometown girl that I ran into at party during a winter break from college. She was a bit of an ugly duckling before she moved away in high school but had blossomed by 22. She was showing plenty of interest and I was all in until, at some point during our banter, I discovered that her best friend was my LT girlfriend’s roommate!

That said, my ex DW may have suspected, but I was never caught with any of my 6 APs over a 15 year relationship.

Wow, you are a terrible person.

It doesn’t mean she is a terrible person - she could actually be very nice. Wouldn’t it be better put that her relationship is complicated and people are complicated. I know people you would think very highly of who have had affairs. Big deal. Every relationship is different.

NP: No, I think terrible person is right. He might be a terrible person with wonderful qualities in other aspect of his life, but as a husband-terrible.

PP: I was young and immature and married my college sweetheart because it seemed like the next step to take in our relationship. It clearly wasn’t. No excuse, it was terrible behavior, but aside from the APs our relationship was fulfilling. 20 years later, no cheating on DW#2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always chuckle at the people who are positive no one knows.
People know they just aren't motivated to say anything, yet.

+1 I know someone who I suspect is cheating. Others suspect it as well. I'm pretty certain she doesn't think anyone has a clue. She also posts a lot of happy photos with her husband. I think she thinks he's too passive/clueless. But I think it's only a matter of time before it comes out.

She's risking a lot, too. Not just her marriage. But she thinks she is smarter than everyone else. She's a fool.

You need to inform her DH ASAP. He deserves to know. Wouldn’t you want someone to tell you? Expose these people!

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And then there’s the 6 degrees of separation thing (actually, I thinks it’s probably even less now with the social media revolution).
I travelled a lot for many years and I can’t tell you how many times I’d start chatting up the cutie next to me on a flight only to uncover that our worlds intersected at only two degrees.

And then there was the hometown girl that I ran into at party during a winter break from college. She was a bit of an ugly duckling before she moved away in high school but had blossomed by 22. She was showing plenty of interest and I was all in until, at some point during our banter, I discovered that her best friend was my LT girlfriend’s roommate!

That said, my ex DW may have suspected, but I was never caught with any of my 6 APs over a 15 year relationship.

Wow, you are a terrible person.

It doesn’t mean she is a terrible person - she could actually be very nice. Wouldn’t it be better put that her relationship is complicated and people are complicated. I know people you would think very highly of who have had affairs. Big deal. Every relationship is different.

NP: No, I think terrible person is right. He might be a terrible person with wonderful qualities in other aspect of his life, but as a husband-terrible.

PP: I was young and immature and married my college sweetheart because it seemed like the next step to take in our relationship. It clearly wasn’t. No excuse, it was terrible behavior, but aside from the APs our relationship was fulfilling. 20 years later, no cheating on DW#2.

Hahahahahahaha

[Anonymous]

I have only had online affair -- flirty emails with HS friend far away that grew increasingly sexual. DH would certainly not approve, and I am careful to do it on private email account but sometimes worry I will leave it open on my phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And then there’s the 6 degrees of separation thing (actually, I thinks it’s probably even less now with the social media revolution).
I travelled a lot for many years and I can’t tell you how many times I’d start chatting up the cutie next to me on a flight only to uncover that our worlds intersected at only two degrees.

And then there was the hometown girl that I ran into at party during a winter break from college. She was a bit of an ugly duckling before she moved away in high school but had blossomed by 22. She was showing plenty of interest and I was all in until, at some point during our banter, I discovered that her best friend was my LT girlfriend’s roommate!

That said, my ex DW may have suspected, but I was never caught with any of my 6 APs over a 15 year relationship.

Jesus. what a catch you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always chuckle at the people who are positive no one knows.
People know they just aren't motivated to say anything, yet.

+1 I know someone who I suspect is cheating. Others suspect it as well. I'm pretty certain she doesn't think anyone has a clue. She also posts a lot of happy photos with her husband. I think she thinks he's too passive/clueless. But I think it's only a matter of time before it comes out.

She's risking a lot, too. Not just her marriage. But she thinks she is smarter than everyone else. She's a fool.

You need to inform her DH ASAP. He deserves to know. Wouldn’t you want someone to tell you? Expose these people!

Telling the husband is a bad idea. Butt out. And no I wouldn’t rather know. I’m sure in some ways he already does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got caught and it was humiliating. I was in another city with my AP/business colleague and we were hugging while coming down the elevator when it stopped on a lower floor and a friend of my husband and mine walked on and saw us. He said hello and turned his back to me. Later he sent me a text that said "you tell him or I will." I told him and we divorced within a year. I was such a fool for giving up a good life because someone was really attracted to me. Thank God there were no children involved but three years later I'm still in this emotional and relationship limbo. You don't think you will be caught but sooner or later you will be so be prepared to pay the price.

Wow. The odds of that happening are like 100000-to-1. Pretty crazy.

Never had an affair but I will say that on two occasions while travelling, I ran into (separate incidents) two of my husband's best friends. Groomsmen in our weddings! One I passed on an escalator in an airport, the other I ran into at a tech conference in California! They are/were still good friends, just didn't know those guys happened to be travelling those particular dates, when I was also travelling.

Just saying, those one in a million bump into people things do happen. Glad I don't have the energy for affairs!