For others in long term affairs-- do you think you'll get caught? Did you get caught? How?

[Anonymous]

Online I found my DH's AP and I found all her husband's contact info.
I also saw pics of her kids so I decided *not* to blow up her marriage.

I did however see that OW was very active in a church that "teaches women to be more biblical wives and mothers"!!!! Not a Bible expert but pretty sure her adultery isn't Biblically OK, so I decided that instead of telling her DH - I told her pastor! Had a long talk with the pastor who was very nice and helped me a lot.

I definitely felt good about the way I handled that. And the pastor agreed with me!

[Anonymous]

My college roommate discovered her mother was having an affair while we were roommates. Mother was divorced but her AP was not. Both the mom and the AP were very religious, but apparently the mom had had previous affairs. The roommate borrowed a suitcase from the mom and found a romantic card in one of the pockets. The mom and AP would give each other these types of cards, but instead of signing the card, they'd write a note on a post-it, which child be thrown away and there'd be no "evidence". Only this time, the post-it was still attached. So, yes, sloppy.

[Anonymous]

I was single and sleeping with a woman who was in a relationship. One night we were at the library studying when her SO “happened to stop by” to see her. It was obvious that her and I were fooling around and everything unraveled a couple months later. As soon as she was single, we began to date as a couple. Guess what? It wasn’t as fun and I left her about six months later- she was devastated but I felt it was best at the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was single and sleeping with a woman who was in a relationship. One night we were at the library studying when her SO “happened to stop by” to see her. It was obvious that her and I were fooling around and everything unraveled a couple months later. As soon as she was single, we began to date as a couple. Guess what? It wasn’t as fun and I left her about six months later- she was devastated but I felt it was best at the time.

Were you only sleeping with this woman because it was fun to sleep with someone who was in a relationship? Do you still find you enjoy forbidden fruit, or breaking taboos? Has this affected subsequent relationships, and can you see yourself cheating on a spouse or having another affair with a married or partnered woman?

[Anonymous]

I am divorced, but it's not like my ex and I put out a press release telling the world, so it took a while for word to filter out to all of our friends and acquaintances.

In the early days, my ex has received texts from her friends (sometimes with photos) more than once to show that I was out with another woman when they presumed I was cheating.

We were already divorced and neither of us had anything to hide, but it shows that you can get caught any time if you're careless.

[Anonymous]

I caught my DH who had slept with a coworker a few times. He was sloppy - not lipstick on the collar sloppy; more like he didn't have the self-control to deceive me as well, a few explanations didn't line up, and he was caught. In hindsight, I think he wanted to be caught (to get my attention and to get away from an increasingly attached OW).

The OW knew that I found out. She thinks she told her DH many months later, but he knew long before that (I told him when I found out) and he just didn't let on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I caught my DH who had slept with a coworker a few times. He was sloppy - not lipstick on the collar sloppy; more like he didn't have the self-control to deceive me as well, a few explanations didn't line up, and he was caught. In hindsight, I think he wanted to be caught (to get my attention and to get away from an increasingly attached OW).

The OW knew that I found out. She thinks she told her DH many months later, but he knew long before that (I told him when I found out) and he just didn't let on.

You guys are still together? How long ago was this?

[Anonymous]

My DH's long-term AP told me our children are siblings at the playground. They've been at it for like five years. I had no idea, we had a very spacious marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have only had online affair -- flirty emails with HS friend far away that grew increasingly sexual. DH would certainly not approve, and I am careful to do it on private email account but sometimes worry I will leave it open on my phone.

You should probably stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually started to smell my husband's affair partner. In the beginning I think he showered after and then got sloppy. One night I just caught a brief whif of nexus hairspray. My sister used it all throughout collage and the smell is very distinctive. I then caught it a few more times. If that first hunch that lead me to dig around a bit and then the world fell down. I don't think people realize how little of a clue it takes for the senses to heightened and to get caught.

Agree. Everybody has a very distinct smell, although men don't always realize it.

I found a single very long hair when cleaning the bath tub. I have shoulder length hair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have only had online affair -- flirty emails with HS friend far away that grew increasingly sexual. DH would certainly not approve, and I am careful to do it on private email account but sometimes worry I will leave it open on my phone.

You should probably stop.

Unless you think it's not cheating unless it gets physical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have only had online affair -- flirty emails with HS friend far away that grew increasingly sexual. DH would certainly not approve, and I am careful to do it on private email account but sometimes worry I will leave it open on my phone.

You should probably stop.

Yes I should. But for the first time in a long time someone makes me feel desired and sexual, which doesn't happen at home. I tell myself I its not cheating because we have never even touched each other but I know it is wrong. I feel very conflicted but loneliness and sexual frustration is hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I caught my mom. They were at home in bed and I came home early because a soccer game was rained out. I was 16. So yes, I would say they were very sloppy and deserved to be caught. I think she wanted to be-- she is not brave enough to get a divorce without a man to lean on. It sucks and I lost a lot of respect for her.

I'm sorry you had to see that. I've never understood why someone who cheats would do it in their own home, for this reason among several others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I caught my mom. They were at home in bed and I came home early because a soccer game was rained out. I was 16. So yes, I would say they were very sloppy and deserved to be caught. I think she wanted to be-- she is not brave enough to get a divorce without a man to lean on. It sucks and I lost a lot of respect for her.

I'm sorry you had to see that. I've never understood why someone who cheats would do it in their own home, for this reason among several others.

Because it's convenient and hotels get to be very expensive, especially if you are renting a room a few times a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:d deserved to be caught. I think she wanted to be-- she is not brave enough to get a divorce without a man to lean on. It sucks and I lost a lot of respect for her.

I'm sorry you had to see that. I've never understood why someone who cheats would do it in their own home, for this reason among several others.

The element of the forbidden and being naughty is half of what makes an affair exciting for some cheaters. Doing it at home adds many points to the naughty factor.