I'm 40 and I make $20 per hour

[Anonymous]

I feel so lost career-wise. I'm 40 and I make $20 per hour. I was a National Merit Finalist at a college prep high school, graduated an Ivy League college with honors, went to a solid state grad school, got a masters degree with honors, worked in that field for awhile, and then SAH for 2 years. I took this particular part-time job (not related to my masters/old career field) because of the flexibility and family-friendly aspect. But I find it very depressing that I'm 40 and make $20 per hour. We do not need my salary, husband is a law firm partner, but I just feel really depressed that this is where I ended up. My self-esteem is low. I feel like I peaked in high school/college and it was all downhill from there career-wise.

What would you do? I feel so incredibly lost career-wise and I have no idea where to go from here.

[Anonymous]

I am 56 and make about $28 an hour. It was the trade-off for working part time and letting us have a family life. I focus on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel so lost career-wise. I'm 40 and I make $20 per hour. I was a National Merit Finalist at a college prep high school, graduated an Ivy League college with honors, went to a solid state grad school, got a masters degree with honors, worked in that field for awhile, and then SAH for 2 years. I took this particular part-time job (not related to my masters/old career field) because of the flexibility and family-friendly aspect. But I find it very depressing that I'm 40 and make $20 per hour. We do not need my salary, husband is a law firm partner, but I just feel really depressed that this is where I ended up. My self-esteem is low. I feel like I peaked in high school/college and it was all downhill from there career-wise.

What would you do? I feel so incredibly lost career-wise and I have no idea where to go from here.

Hi OP. I could have written this.
And I'm trying to work out in my own mind why I'm crashing hard over this, but I think it's because I feel like I've swallowed the current cultural-think that our careers define our value in life. I just feel it everywhere. And it's even overriding how I have always viewed the way I wanted to live and parent. I've always always been an overachiever. And that includes the way I thought about parenting. So for me, it was important (or at least I used to think it was) to be home when my kids were home. (Yes, I know this is not the current thinking. We can choose to farm this out to childcare afterschool and in summers for school-age kids, and most people do. I get that. But I never *wanted* to! And I do think there is value for our family in my doing this job myself), and yet now I am feeling as if I'm sort of a loser for not having some high-paying job like basically everyone else. Because if I did, we would have a bigger house, larger travel budget, and I'd definitely get more admiration from peers, etc. The problem is, I don't really want the career. I just don't want to be looked down on for "just staying at home," but I have definitely fallen into that and have started to look down on myself. Can't seem to get past it. And that isn't good.

[Anonymous]

Do you like your job? If you do, look at it as having the luxury to take a job you like and not have to worry about how much you make. If you don’t, go look for something you like better, and again, you can focus on fit, not salary.

[Anonymous]

I barely graduated from high school after two summers of summer school, failed out of one college and then took five years to get a two-year degree. I definitely don't think I peaked in high school or college.

Why don't you just be a hot partner's wife? I work at a law firm and was just talking with a partner - his wife tends their garden and manages their other properties, but doesn't have a formal job.

[Anonymous]

But do you want to work more?

[Anonymous]

If I look back at my friends from HS, the ones with a 4.0 GPA all went into typical studies and professions, and did OK but not great (financially). The ones who really bring it in were all B-students. My only guess on this is they were more well-rounded, and they got Bs because they spent time on more than just schoolwork.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I barely graduated from high school after two summers of summer school, failed out of one college and then took five years to get a two-year degree. I definitely don't think I peaked in high school or college.

Why don't you just be a hot partner's wife? I work at a law firm and was just talking with a partner - his wife tends their garden and manages their other properties, but doesn't have a formal job.

That is a formal job! As is parenting. Please, ladies, remember that! Just no monetary remuneration for it, that's all. I agree with PP (22:54) on this point: "I feel like I've swallowed the current cultural-think that our careers define our value in life. I just feel it everywhere." It is a challenge, but one that I've taken on as a single working parent nearing her 40th birthday, to reject that very idea: My career does not define my value in life. Sure, my peers from college and high school are in senior management, executive roles, and doing well financially speaking. And at one point in my life, I had those ambitions, being an Overachiever myself. But then I had my DD, and lived overseas for a while, have been humbled and made aware of the harsh realities of our society -- all because of a shift in socio-economic class. To reduce the value of my life to the career I have, the wealth I acquire, and the power I can wield over others would be depressing, and a recipe for disaster in the long run for me as parent, and for my DD.

OP, use this opportunity to do something you've always wanted to do or try but never had the courage or confidence to do. Take some risks, stretch yourself beyond your comfort zone, and most of all, surround yourself with women (people) who will love you, see you, hear you, support you, and push you, and guide you along the way! I have been fortunate to find a positive, inspiring parenting and professional support groups & spaces in the last 2 years , which has been immensely helpful for me. Not sure where I would be without them.

Lastly, be kind and compassionate with yourself. Being a SAH parent and being an awakened, present parent is the most important jobs we have. Say that, know that, believe that, live that! Our children need to know that, but it can only happen if we, ourselves, believe and live that truth!

[Anonymous]

Wow OP, I feel exactly like you minus the kids. Glad to know I’m not alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I barely graduated from high school after two summers of summer school, failed out of one college and then took five years to get a two-year degree. I definitely don't think I peaked in high school or college.

Why don't you just be a hot partner's wife? I work at a law firm and was just talking with a partner - his wife tends their garden and manages their other properties, but doesn't have a formal job.

That is a formal job! As is parenting. Please, ladies, remember that! Just no monetary remuneration for it, that's all. I agree with PP (22:54) on this point: "I feel like I've swallowed the current cultural-think that our careers define our value in life. I just feel it everywhere." It is a challenge, but one that I've taken on as a single working parent nearing her 40th birthday, to reject that very idea: My career does not define my value in life. Sure, my peers from college and high school are in senior management, executive roles, and doing well financially speaking. And at one point in my life, I had those ambitions, being an Overachiever myself. But then I had my DD, and lived overseas for a while, have been humbled and made aware of the harsh realities of our society -- all because of a shift in socio-economic class. To reduce the value of my life to the career I have, the wealth I acquire, and the power I can wield over others would be depressing, and a recipe for disaster in the long run for me as parent, and for my DD.

OP, use this opportunity to do something you've always wanted to do or try but never had the courage or confidence to do. Take some risks, stretch yourself beyond your comfort zone, and most of all, surround yourself with women (people) who will love you, see you, hear you, support you, and push you, and guide you along the way! I have been fortunate to find a positive, inspiring parenting and professional support groups & spaces in the last 2 years , which has been immensely helpful for me. Not sure where I would be without them.

Lastly, be kind and compassionate with yourself. Being a SAH parent and being an awakened, present parent is the most important jobs we have. Say that, know that, believe that, live that! Our children need to know that, but it can only happen if we, ourselves, believe and live that truth!

It may be a job, but it is certainly not a formal one.

[Anonymous]

Your net worth of not your self worth but at the same time, I consider my law firm partner salary mine because we both work equally hard to allow that job within our family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I barely graduated from high school after two summers of summer school, failed out of one college and then took five years to get a two-year degree. I definitely don't think I peaked in high school or college.

Why don't you just be a hot partner's wife? I work at a law firm and was just talking with a partner - his wife tends their garden and manages their other properties, but doesn't have a formal job.

That is a formal job! As is parenting. Please, ladies, remember that! Just no monetary remuneration for it, that's all. I agree with PP (22:54) on this point: "I feel like I've swallowed the current cultural-think that our careers define our value in life. I just feel it everywhere." It is a challenge, but one that I've taken on as a single working parent nearing her 40th birthday, to reject that very idea: My career does not define my value in life. Sure, my peers from college and high school are in senior management, executive roles, and doing well financially speaking. And at one point in my life, I had those ambitions, being an Overachiever myself. But then I had my DD, and lived overseas for a while, have been humbled and made aware of the harsh realities of our society -- all because of a shift in socio-economic class. To reduce the value of my life to the career I have, the wealth I acquire, and the power I can wield over others would be depressing, and a recipe for disaster in the long run for me as parent, and for my DD.

OP, use this opportunity to do something you've always wanted to do or try but never had the courage or confidence to do. Take some risks, stretch yourself beyond your comfort zone, and most of all, surround yourself with women (people) who will love you, see you, hear you, support you, and push you, and guide you along the way! I have been fortunate to find a positive, inspiring parenting and professional support groups & spaces in the last 2 years , which has been immensely helpful for me. Not sure where I would be without them.

Lastly, be kind and compassionate with yourself. Being a SAH parent and being an awakened, present parent is the most important jobs we have. Say that, know that, believe that, live that! Our children need to know that, but it can only happen if we, ourselves, believe and live that truth!

It may be a job, but it is certainly not a formal one.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your net worth of not your self worth but at the same time, I consider my law firm partner salary mine because we both work equally hard to allow that job within our family

Equally hard? Sorry, but I doubt that and I have no doubt your spouse does as well.

[Anonymous]

I don't doubt that. My BIL is a partner in Big Law.

It sounds like you took a job for the hours, so you can work AND be the go-to parent. That's why you make $20 an hour doing something unrelated to your background--because you chose it, and you were lucky enough to find a job that fit your needs. This is all good stuff. But it sounds like you're missing the part of your life where YOU were driven and your background was the only thing to consider in a job search. So maybe where you are now, returning to work, can point you to a better fit in a year or two.

[Anonymous]

I am 45 and make $24 an hour. I also work every other weekend. But my schedule allows us to only need 10 days a month childcare which is huge and I genuinely like my boss, which is also huge. I am grateful for what I have in life. There are many good hard working people who don't have what I have.