I'm 40 and I make $20 per hour

[Anonymous]

Go to law school and start making $100 an hour.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your net worth of not your self worth but at the same time, I consider my law firm partner salary mine because we both work equally hard to allow that job within our family

Um that's funny. My spouse and I are both equity law firm partners (he is 100%, I am 80%). Your job doesn't permit him to be a law firm partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The more meaningful question would be why you couldn't develop your career before you had kids. You had many years to establish yourself in the field - what happened that it wasn't accomplished? If you were an established professional by the time you had kids, you could have had a flexible and much better paying job in your field of expertise.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to throw sand in the cake batter and say that I don't think parenting is the most important job in the world. Neither does OP. That is what leads to the sense of a lack of fulfillment. Some years ago Caitlin Flanagan wrote an excellent piece about it in The Atlantic. As the mother of 3 daughters I actually find the "parenting is all" idea dangerous. We are telling girls and women to always choose someone else first. This world loses so much because women devote it to their children instead of society at large.

I'm wondering what on earth could be more important than devoting time to one's own children. What a strange outlook on life.

Yep. And herein lies the basis for the Mommy Wars. I'm a NP on this thread but it's telling that a PP was offended that one of the OP-type posters acknowledged that some women value career and self more than their motherhood role. The offended poster called her judgmental, but what else leads a woman who can choose career over staying at home if not valuing her contribution to career and sense of professional self more than her role as a caregiver??? Isn't that just a simple truth? Why does that have to be a "judgement"unless one felt guilty or defensive about it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Own your choices, OP. You are a logical woman, with free will. To hell with the expectations of others. You are allowed to want what you want and go out and get it.

THIS.

And I would add (to the OP), many of your college friends have probably made the same choices. I know mine have. I'm not embarrassed about a thing. Why would I be?

Why would you be embarrassed to take a job you didn't need your education to obtain? Um, I'll just wait her while your Ivy League self fills in the blank.

[Anonymous]

^meant to clarify what leads women who have both options (as opposed to single moms, etc) to choose career over caregiving if not that they value professional self and career contribution more than their own role as caregiver for child. Just seems that this is obvious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to throw sand in the cake batter and say that I don't think parenting is the most important job in the world. Neither does OP. That is what leads to the sense of a lack of fulfillment. Some years ago Caitlin Flanagan wrote an excellent piece about it in The Atlantic. As the mother of 3 daughters I actually find the "parenting is all" idea dangerous. We are telling girls and women to always choose someone else first. This world loses so much because women devote it to their children instead of society at large.

I'm wondering what on earth could be more important than devoting time to one's own children. What a strange outlook on life.

Cancer research. My husband SAH so I can spend 50 hours a week trying to ameliorate the effects of certain types of breast cancer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I also have a very similar background and circumstances. If anything, I think non-profits are lucky to have highly educated, high-achieving employees who can help them do good because their work is so necessary. Try to shift your focus away from your pay and to the fact that you are fortunate to have coworkers you enjoy and a mission that you believe in.

Also, research supports the fact that the happiest and most fulfilled people are those with strong relationships with others. Use your free time to nurture your friendships and build new ones. Far better than spending time pushing papers on your desk!

Finally, if you really want to pursue your career, volunteer in an area relevant to your career interests and when your kids are older, pour your energy into your career. Seek out older women as mentors and hear their stories. I'm sure you'll be inspired. My friend's mom took time off to raise her 3 kids and once they were grown reinvented herself as a businesswoman in her 40s and worked her way back up again. She is a happy working woman in her early 60s.

Good luck and blessings to you!

+1
This is what my own mom did. Great advice.

Unless you meet your husband young, who the heck is done raising kids in her 40s?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to throw sand in the cake batter and say that I don't think parenting is the most important job in the world. Neither does OP. That is what leads to the sense of a lack of fulfillment. Some years ago Caitlin Flanagan wrote an excellent piece about it in The Atlantic. As the mother of 3 daughters I actually find the "parenting is all" idea dangerous. We are telling girls and women to always choose someone else first. This world loses so much because women devote it to their children instead of society at large.

I'm wondering what on earth could be more important than devoting time to one's own children. What a strange outlook on life.

Yep. And herein lies the basis for the Mommy Wars. I'm a NP on this thread but it's telling that a PP was offended that one of the OP-type posters acknowledged that some women value career and self more than their motherhood role. The offended poster called her judgmental, but what else leads a woman who can choose career over staying at home if not valuing her contribution to career and sense of professional self more than her role as a caregiver??? Isn't that just a simple truth? Why does that have to be a "judgement"unless one felt guilty or defensive about it?

Luckily, I am fabulous enough to make $250K a year and be a caregiver.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your net worth of not your self worth but at the same time, I consider my law firm partner salary mine because we both work equally hard to allow that job within our family

Um that's funny. My spouse and I are both equity law firm partners (he is 100%, I am 80%). Your job doesn't permit him to be a law firm partner.

Perhaps not, because in your case (assuming u have kids) your ability and choice to outsource childcare (to grandparents or to a paid care giver) definitely allows you BOTH to be law partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to throw sand in the cake batter and say that I don't think parenting is the most important job in the world. Neither does OP. That is what leads to the sense of a lack of fulfillment. Some years ago Caitlin Flanagan wrote an excellent piece about it in The Atlantic. As the mother of 3 daughters I actually find the "parenting is all" idea dangerous. We are telling girls and women to always choose someone else first. This world loses so much because women devote it to their children instead of society at large.

I'm wondering what on earth could be more important than devoting time to one's own children. What a strange outlook on life.

Yep. And herein lies the basis for the Mommy Wars. I'm a NP on this thread but it's telling that a PP was offended that one of the OP-type posters acknowledged that some women value career and self more than their motherhood role. The offended poster called her judgmental, but what else leads a woman who can choose career over staying at home if not valuing her contribution to career and sense of professional self more than her role as a caregiver??? Isn't that just a simple truth? Why does that have to be a "judgement"unless one felt guilty or defensive about it?

Luckily, I am fabulous enough to make $250K a year and be a caregiver.

Wonder if you spent as little time at the job that pays $250K as you do in the caregiving role, would your boss still let you claim your job title?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The more meaningful question would be why you couldn't develop your career before you had kids. You had many years to establish yourself in the field - what happened that it wasn't accomplished? If you were an established professional by the time you had kids, you could have had a flexible and much better paying job in your field of expertise.

Except for making you feel better for asking, how is this a helpful comment? (Not op. I make less than 20)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The more meaningful question would be why you couldn't develop your career before you had kids. You had many years to establish yourself in the field - what happened that it wasn't accomplished? If you were an established professional by the time you had kids, you could have had a flexible and much better paying job in your field of expertise.

Except for making you feel better for asking, how is this a helpful comment? (Not op. I make less than 20)

I'd like to understand why such a smart, successful and educated young woman had no career before having kids. Something doesn't add up here. If she wasn't interested in building her career pre-kids, why should it be a surprise that she doesn't have it now at the age of 40? If she was happy without a career pre-kids, why can't she continue being happy now? If she was an expert at something pre-kids, she should be able to find a job in her field and make more money. She said she stayed home only for 2 years, not 20.

[Anonymous]

Can you women who will accept $20 an hour with a master's degree just stay at home?

You're lowering the salaries for everyone else who is struggling to make a living.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your net worth of not your self worth but at the same time, I consider my law firm partner salary mine because we both work equally hard to allow that job within our family

Um that's funny. My spouse and I are both equity law firm partners (he is 100%, I am 80%). Your job doesn't permit him to be a law firm partner.

I don't actually believe you're a lawyer. I'm the PP and also a lawyer, and you seem to lack reading comprehension and basic logic. Who are you to deny my lived experience?