Is this an emotional affair?

[Anonymous]

My DH came home from work tonight clearly drunk. He's 39; we have 2 kids 6 and 4 and he's a super involved Dad. I confronted him about where he was since he was late and not answering my calls. He admitted he was out with a coworker who I know; she's 50 and married with 2 kids; just ok looking but is funny and outgoing. I like her based on our limited interactions but my DH frequently complains about how annoying she is. He admitted splitting a bottle of wine over lunch with her and then going to two other bars while they were celebrating a big sale. He thinks he tried to kiss her in the Uber but isn't sure what happened.

I'm pissed off but can excuse this one time since he's never done this before and was apologetic but i'm worried they may be closer than is appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Duh

[Anonymous]

If he's already acting on it, no. Isn't it more than that?

[Anonymous]

It's an emotional affair. He needs to shape up and respect you and your family.

[Anonymous]

He felt so guilty that he had to confess something to you to ease his conscience and get your forgiveness. He told you he tried to kiss her to test the waters...your waters...to see how you would react. He started with something innocuous and forgivable. It's not the full story. I guarantee you they had sex. He regrets it, but now he has a clear conscience and can live with himself because you forgave him.

[Anonymous]

Talk to the woman.

[Anonymous]

He thinks he tried to kiss her???!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He thinks he tried to kiss her???!!

That’s some “trickle truth”, if I ever heard it.

It’s also possible that he misread the circumstances, made a move and she didn’t react well, so he’s mentioning it now in case the woman or someone else tells you what happened.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like a mess more than an emotional affair. Emotional affair implies deep and continuing friendship. This sounds more like an isolated event that got way out of hand.

Is this a common way people at his company celebrate deals?

[Anonymous]

Go to where they were and ask the servers or bartenders what they saw? As a last resort call the woman. A kiss is terrible but definitely not grounds for divorce.

[Anonymous]

Red flags everywhere for this. Could be emotional. Could be two drunk sales people acting inappropriately. My ex was in sales, and sadly, their culture is completely different. Way too casual, much more social interaction and bonding "out of the office" since no one truly reports into cube land. Texting on cells with each other, dinners with clients, etc.

Sorry OP. I would forgive him, but I would tell him to shape it up before shit hits the fan. If there are specific things he can do to redraw the professional lines, he can do it. No more lunches/dinners where it is only two. There must be 3+ in the party as a buffer.

[Anonymous]

There are only two women in my office (it’s a technical field), and my job is fairly travel-heavy, so I have had boozy lunches, dinners, or happy hours with one or more male colleagues. I don’t think drinking with coworkers of the opposite sex is necessarily an emotional affair.

I do think if the inclination to have an affair of any sort is already there, alcohol usually moves things along.

And trying to kiss a colleague is wrong, except in extremely limited circumstances (this is not one of them).

[Anonymous]

8:21 again.

I don’t think any threats you make or rules you impose will be effective unless your husband wants to right the ship, so to speak. Sometimes a male colleague and I get paired up on a project, and I can’t exactly say “I need to have a third party present, and incur additional expenses, for the sake of my marriage”.

I don’t sleep with my colleagues because I am not that kind of person, not because of any restrictions my husband puts on my interactions with other men.

Your husband needs to decide if he is the sort of person who sleeps with colleagues or not, let you know, and then you both need to act accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are only two women in my office (it’s a technical field), and my job is fairly travel-heavy, so I have had boozy lunches, dinners, or happy hours with one or more male colleagues. I don’t think drinking with coworkers of the opposite sex is necessarily an emotional affair.

I do think if the inclination to have an affair of any sort is already there, alcohol usually moves things along.

And trying to kiss a colleague is wrong, except in extremely limited circumstances (this is not one of them).

+1. I've had plenty of boozy lunch and dinners with colleagues. Once, after just drinks (in my early 40s), a colleague tried to kiss me and I was shocked. I almost slapped him but kind of felt sorry for him. I knew his wife!

Anyway, I would forgive him and let it go, but not forget about it. He didn't need to tell you so I would take that into consideration. Keep moving your family life along, and that of your marriage. Keep an eye on things but don't go all bat shit. Your life is good and humans make mistakes.

[Anonymous]

1. Your husband is a moron. You never tell your wife anything about the side piece.
2. Sounds like he is getting involved with my ex-wife. He'll be sorry if he goes there....